Michael M commented that ‘going off to a professional was always going to be a problem when you got back home. Two Mistresses don't work.’
I think there could some truth for some couples that it but in this case, Mistress and I discussed it fully beforehand and we think it’s worked really well because it’s sparked a three-way conversation about our DD, making Mistress and I consider carefully where we want to be.
There’s only one Mistress, my partner, and one mentor, Lady Pandora. Two very different roles.
I’m not saying involving a mentor has solved the issues overnight but it’s clearly thrown up a lot of topics for discussion so Mistress and I are at least now discussing DD again. Mistress is unsure she wants to continue. I’m still unsure about giving up control if we did. But we both agree DD used to add something to our lives. If I was to give up control, Mistress may feel she can make DD work for her.
Then we have Lady Pandora taking on board what we are saying and offering meaningful advice. The great thing is that she has the experience that allows her to see where things could be improved upon to make this work and we both respect her input.
It’s a month since I saw Lady Pandora and she was right, my interest in CP dwindled after an initial flurry of excitement immediately after my punishment.
Mistress and I both noticed a marked difference in my behaviour – I was doing things around the house without even thinking of them. Nothing major, just the chores. Was that coincidence? I certainly wasn’t thinking, ‘I must do this to keep Mistress happy.’
But there have been issues. Mistress has picked me up a few times now for being short with her or answering back – almost to the point of being rude. She wasn’t happy with me but stopped short of mentioning DD in the rebukes. This is something I’ll have to bring to the attention of Lady Pandora at my next appointment.
I have to admit I was disappointed when Mistress initially suggested our DD was over. That’s why I contacted Lady Pandora straight away for advice and she said believed that Mistress was testing me and would no doubt continue to do so for quite some time.
She said: “You have, after all, adversely impacted on her confidence and ability to make a DD element to your relationship work. The fact that you are still fighting against submitting is definitely not helping!
“I think one of the main problems you will both have is that, whilst Mistress may have researched the subject on the internet, she has not actually discussed it with anyone who has real-life experience and is unlikely to do so as matters stand.
“It could be that she has built up unrealistic expectations (e.g. that she believed one visit to me would change everything and turn you into a meek, compliant sub, which will never happen).
Lady Pandora was at pains to point out she was in no way denigrating Mistress, just pointing out that she may have a completely different outlook than me or, perhaps, herself.
She also had a view that the brevity of my 'relief' stage this time after punishment could have been at least in part due to my unrealistic expectations that things would change immediately.
And, because things didn't work out as I had thought or hoped, she thinks perhaps I have reverted to subconsciously having my hopes fulfilled by continuing to dress in my favourite pvc wear and spending time on the internet, wrapped up in CP and DD sites. Obviously, these were issues I’d been punished for on my first visit to Lady Pandora.
She also thinks the biggest problem is having too many mixed messages floating round. “Mistress says she has no interest in resurrecting a DD element, then complains that you are not being compliant, etc,” she says. “You promised me you would give things time and would demonstrate (prove) your willingness to submit, comply, etc. and yet you have not.”
The second comment made me cringe when I realised my folly. I know it is something else Lady Pandora will want to speak about on my next appointment.
She adds: “You say you want a DD element and yet you are not willing to give up control; indeed, you say you fear it.”
She’s right of course. I am worried that if any kind of ‘power exchange’ does take place, it impinge on our relationship as a whole.
My problem is that I naturally lack self-confidence and I realise now that my real fear has always been that what little confidence I do have will get knocked back if I submitted fully to Mistress.
My common sense tells me the two aren’t connected. The little devil in my head keeps saying the opposite.
I also realise I’ve been wanting to have my cake and eat it but know that I may have to give up some of my ‘vanilla’ pursuits is Mistress takes real control. I’m sure the argument is that if DD is what we both aspire to then we should both accept any changes it may bring. Which brings me neatly around to Lady Pandora’s conclusion.
“You both need to sit down and be honest with each other but, before you do, you need to work out whether this is something you actually need in your life or whether it is a fantasy,” says Lady Pandora. “Both of you have a lot of work to do if this is something you wish to make real and neither of you are communicating honestly, which is only going to lead to disappointment.”