Wednesday, 20 June 2018

Strict disciplinarian

I’m booked to see a Lady disciplinarian both Mistress and I have spoken to before - a Lady who has punished me before.  She is well known for her mentoring service as well as her reputation as a very, very strict Lady.
Mistress is really delighted because she knows exactly how well I’ll need to behave in the future if this Lady does become my mentor – and Mistress is more than happy to liaise with her than she was with the Masters I’ve seen recently.
So what are we hoping to achieve? The aim is to discover whether I use my faults as an excuse to indulge in corporal punishment or whether I really do want to be held accountable for my faults.
I’d like to think it’s the latter but in my heart I’m not sure and, judging how our DD regime fell off the rails when I wasn’t in the mood to be punished it’s more likely an excuse to indulge.
The Lady in question has the facts to hand and will interrogate me as to my true feelings. How we progress in the future will depend entirely on her findings and I got to my appointment accepting her decision entirely which I’m happy with.
Part of the initial process was baring my soul in a document to the Lady in question in which I explained how difficult it is for me to determine; whether it’s simply me finding excuses to indulge in corporal punishment, or whether I need someone to hold me accountable for my real faults.
Personally, I think it’s a bit of both but probably more being held accountable.  The one thing I’ve always honestly believed is that CP has a place in adult relationships and a short sharp shock seems a perfect way to have one’s faults corrected so both parties can move on – though I constantly challenge myself that I only feel this way because of my fascination with CP.
I enjoyed it when Mistress was fully in command – but only to a point and I always rebelled when it became too much for me to play a submissive role. My excuse was work needing to take priority but deep down I think I’m not actually the submissive I think I want to be.
I’ve tried to be honest with myself about this but the problem is, I’ve always been fascinated by, and scared of, CP since I was nine years old but it was only in adulthood I could experience it. And, rather than school role play, I always preferred to use real faults for a reason to indulge.
I set out two lists of faults to give the Lady, the first one was the list of character traits I’m aware of and don’t like. I think it’s these faults that ultimately led to my marriage coming to an end – though in my defense I’d argue neither my ex-wife nor I were perfect and simply grew apart.
The second list comes from when Mistress and I were in a Domestic Discipline regime. As you can see from the list, I’ve not learned from my earlier life.

My personal faults:
Being selfish
Being surly
Sulking
Wasting money on frivolous things, including fetish magazines/books and clothing
Spending too much time on the computer, surfing CP/fetish material instead of working
Masturbating – when I should have been more focused on my wife’s needs

Faults Mistress has disciplined me for:
Being disrespectful to her authority; arguing; not doing household chores
Wasting money on frivolous things, including fetish magazines/books and clothing
Spending too much time on the computer surfing CP/fetish material instead of working
Masturbating – when should have been more focused on the needs of Mistress

The Lady I’m to see is already aware that our regime came to an end after I’d refused CP several times and Mistress became disillusioned with the idea of domestic discipline.
The idea has not completely left her. Recently I was rather objectionable during a weekend at home and she commented: “It’s lucky for you I don’t punish you anymore because you deserved a good thrashing today.”
I explained to the Lady that I’ve seen three Masters in the past year or so – all of them ardent CP Masters - but none have appeared to have the attributes of a real mentor, Mistress and I were hoping for.
I emphasized the ‘Mistress and I’ because Mistress is still very keen for me to be disciplined. She thinks it’s purely a need in me, but as her comments after my misbehavior suggested, she too can see other benefits.

I think this could be the start of a very interesting journey.

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