Dan over at disciplined husbands and disciplinary wives blogspot posed the question why do we wish to live in a DD relationship? So these were my thoughts on the matter:
Our DD started with spanking games and progressed to DD. Why? Because I think we were both looking for something extra than just playing games.
I’ve analysed this to death in my head and I’m the one who initiated it – but Mistress is the one who fully embraced it. I was already very submissive sexually and we had played out the games of me being dominated and punished.
But it was just games and once I’d read about DD and female led relationships on line I was excited to realised there would be a way to combine my ‘need’ to be punished (I’d had a fascination with CP since school) and living in a relationship where I had to conform to my partner’s wishes rather then do as I pleased.
I was married before I met Mistress and while the marriage failed through issues on both sides, one of my ex-wife’s complaints about me was that I was lazy, didn’t do the chores and left everything to her to do in the house.
So one thing in my new relationship that worried me was what would happen if - or should I say when, because it was inevitable - I should slip back into my old way.
Mistress had come out of a miserable relationship where her confidence had taken a battering so was unsure if she could assume a more dominant role she knew nothing about – she’d never heard of CP games until I introduced her to them. Having said that, I’d spotted from the outside that she had a rather ‘bossy’ streak……
So Mistress and I discussed DD in depth, and I explained my fears of slipping back into old ways. Mistress candidly pointed out that she had already seen traits in my behaviour that annoyed her and she was only too keen to exploit the rules of DD to ensure they didn’t become an issue.
She had already spotted that I liked to do things my way, that I argued with her decisions, and that I didn’t show her enough respect. And she said she didn’t need telling that I had a lazy streak. She admitted the idea of her having more of an authoritarian appealed to her.
So we entered into a DD regime. Both of us agreed it brought a really exciting, emotional edge to the relationship. It definitely heighted our respect and love for each other – I truly believe it brought us much closer. We also found the punishments helped clear the air, relieve stress.
There was nothing sexual about it though. Erotic maybe, corporal punishment between two partners is a very intimate experience - but we both treated it seriously. She applied the rules quick vigorously and the punishments were very real.
Too real, as I’ve said before. I went through a period of not being able to cope with DD and real life and refused to be beaten once too often so Mistress called time on our DD until I sort myself out. I’ve gone through all this before, suffice to say, I still believe we’re better with DD than without it.
Our ‘vanilla’ relationship is fantastic but without DD it feels like anything goes and I think we both hanker for the more ‘regimental’ structured approached that we had. To get back there isn’t as simple as it sounds because it’s not just me who has to get my head around what’s needed. Thanks to my actions, Mistress’ confidence has been knocked and she’ll not assume the role she played before until she’s 100% certain I’ll live up to mine!