Following a rare dose of the cane two weeks ago, nothing much happened on our FLR front. My Court case was looming but each time I mentioned it, Mistress either just pointed out she didn’t think I’d cope, or changed the subject.
I reached crisis point a few days before I was due to appear before the Court. I was nervous of the whole thing, understandably I think since I was to appear before people I didn’t even know. And I just felt that Mistress didn’t really want me to do it – despite he assurances from her to the contrary.
When we had snuggled up in bed on Thursday night, I told Mistress I’d cancelled my appointment at the Court. She was instantly fuming. “Your appointment was Sunday. Three days before you are to be in Court and you cancel?
I’d never seen her so angry in a long time.
“We agreed from the outset you would go to the Court for punishment and hopefully become more submissive. It was meant to be a real punishment you could not escape from.”
“But Mistress, when I explained about my Court punishment you were adamant I’d not cope – and I got the impression you didn’t like the idea of me going,” I feebly argued.
“You wouldn’t cope and that’s the point. You seem to think punishment is something you can play around with to suit you. You need to learn it is not and as you won’t take it from me, you need to someone who can control you.”
The Judicial Court I was to have attended was an all-male corporal punishment event in the North of England. I’d read about it just after Mistress admitted that with all her other work-related stress of the moment, she was struggling to cope with the emotions of trying to overcome my resistance to her discipline.
She had said she wanted me disciplined just the same though and had told me to arrange an appointment with a professional. When I related details of the Court, she thought it would be humbling for me to be sentenced and punished in front of the other ‘offenders’.
However, I felt that after our initial discussion, I felt she had gone cold on the idea and when she seemed non-plussed at my sentence (72 strokes in total with various canes and straps), I took that as an indication I’d best not go.
My underlying worry was that by going it would in some way have an adverse effect on our relationship.
Mistress continued: “At no time did I say I didn’t want you to go. How dare you try to put the blame on me! I’ve said all along that I thought you might learn something by going and come back with a bit more respect. You’ve deserved a good thrashing for some time.”
“The reality is that you knew you wouldn’t be able to take the kind of beating you had been sentenced to and just opted out as usual. You are just a wimp.”
The truth struck home like a knife plunged into my heart. It was true. I was scared and the closer it came to punishment day the more nervous I’d become and talked myself into several reasons why I shouldn’t go, the prime one being Mistress’ apparent lack of interest in my fate. I was truthfully worried about the effect on the relationship, but there was an underlying reason to cancel and Mistress was spot-on, it was that the thought of the reality of a severe caning far outweighed the excitement of the courtroom fantasy.
Mistress turned over to go to sleep. I lay there for what seemed like hours thinking what a dolt I’d been – again.
When I awoke Mistress was already awake. “Go and get the cane.” Was all she said.
“Don’t you dare question me. Go and get the cane now – the Dragon cane.”
I was taken aback by her mood and did as I was told.
Mistress was out of bed in her dressing gown and looking very grim-faced as I stood, naked and shivering, partly with the sudden rush of cold after being under the nice warm duvet, partly though fear.
I held out the cane, which snatched from me. “Face down on the bed.”
No sooner had I got into position than the cane lashed across my bottom. I received no gentle warm up. I didn’t deserve one. The strokes were brutal from the outset. Batches of 12 at a time – followed by a brief few seconds respite.
I think I had four batches when she told me to bed over the edge of the bed. “I can’t hit you hard enough at that angle,” she said of my position laying flat on the bed.
I got two more batches of 12, much harder as she’d promised, yet somehow I managed to keep my breathing steady and never uttered a groan.
Form the outset I was in some kind of serene place the pain of each stroke was dreadful but somehow I just soaked it up and found myself pushing my bottom up to receive another. I certainly wasn’t enjoying my thrashing but somehow I was relishing it. I can’t understand my psyche at the best of times but I’m baffled by this experience.
One theory I have is that I’ve known for some time that I had this coming to me and I was trying to blot out all other influences and just absorb every searing stroke. That’s the feeling I had from the outset, ‘please hurt me.’ I truly wanted to suffer.
Thinking about it later, I came up with another theory which was perhaps I wanted to prove to her I could cope with a heavy thrashing?
When Mistress stopped caning me I thought it was all over but she said: “I think we need the thin Dragon cane now. I know how much you hate it. It has a lot more bite than this thick cane.”
She went to fetch is as I lay there with my bottom burning – and dreading what was next. Within a few seconds the whippy cane was lashing me, two sets of 12 applied with such vigour and at such a fast tempo that I held my breath until each batch was finished. Yet again I didn’t murmur and just focused on the intense stinging pain. I surprised myself.
I’d like to relate that after the punishment was completed I had learned my lesson and I behaved impeccably all day. But about two hours later something happened while we were out shopping that quite shocked me.
Mistress stopped in the middle of the town and said, “You haven’t learned a thing have you?”
I was bemused
“You say you want a Female Led Relationship. You say you want to be treated as a submissive. And you want to show me respect. Why then did you cross the road without me and then walk on the inside of the pavement when we got to the other side? How many times have I told you that it’s your responsibility to look out for your Mistress at all times - and you walk on the side of the pavement closest to the traffic? How can you be so stupid to forget, even the basics, after what happened this morning?”
“I’m sorry Mistress.” I felt my face redden as other people passed us by.
“You don’t ever learn do you? You don’t have the faintest idea about respect or being a good submissive.”
“No Mistress. Sorry Mistress.”
With a shake of her head, Mistress carried on walking and I quickly ran around her to make sure I was on the outside of the path.
She continued: “Caning itself obviously teaches you nothing so this is what we are going to do. We are going to take advice from an expert in Female Led Relationships and you are going to learn how to become a good submissive.”
She stopped walking again.
“So I am tasking you to make some enquires. As you are surfing this kind of information all the time, I want you to find us a mentor who we can visit and discuss our issues with.”
Really? Mistress has always kept herself to herself. She’s never surfed the net for FLR information.
She’s never wanted to go to any Fem Domme events – or meet other couples. She’s been happy just to dominate me. So you can imagine my surprise at her decision.
“I want options,” she continued. “I want to know what kind of services they offer, how much it will cost and how quickly we can set up an appointment. Is that clear?
“We are going to sort this mess out. I’m determined that you are going to live the regime that I want.”
With that, the issue was closed. We carried on into the town, had a delightful breakfast and did the shopping as if nothing had happened. But all the time I had a nagging feeling that this morning might become a defining moment in our FLR. I can’t say I’m looking forward to being mentored by another strict Lady.