It’s sometimes uncanny how things evolve when writing about personal experiences in the world of female led relationships and domestic discipline.
I’ve recently blogged about my first experiences of corporal punishment as an adult, which were M/m based.
Reading some M/m punishment stories, which then triggered memories of my past, provoked my thoughts. Why was I reading them? Because I’m interested in all forms of discipline especially how such traditional methods still have a place in adult relationships today.
When I posted my thoughts, Dan, who runs a forum about female led relationships suggested: “I wonder whether if it (being punished by a man) might inject an additional element of seriousness or inevitability to it.”
I agreed it did and explained why those appointments worked for me at the time. But then someone emailed me to ask a hypothetical question about revisiting a M/m situation.
My initial thoughts about M/m came just before our DD regime was put into turmoil by me being rather badly behaved when it came to punishment a few nights ago – and just two days later Dan posed a question on his female led relationship blog about resistance from the male when it came to punishment. It was a timely blog post.
I was secured over the bench and had suffered three strokes of the cane when, in a fit of panic, I felt I could take no more and begged for Mistress to stop.
I don’t understand why I behaved like this. For years I’ve had a deep-seated need to be caned – and I’m in a relationship where there is a mechanism for this to happen. And when our DD regime is working, our relationship is perfect.
This has happened before – and I’ve blogged about it - but this recent episode left me very upset and baffled. And Mistress was very annoyed, as well as being upset too.
My only excuse is that I could not deal with the pain – even though I want to submit to her discipline and, actually, feel that I need it.
Of course, in an ideal world, the punishment would have continued but Mistress is still not 100% confident in her role and secondly, she worries about the neighbours over-hearing my protestations.
Mistress stopped immediately and once we had put the canes away, we sat and discussed why I behave this way – and what we could do to resolve the issue, if indeed it was worth resolving. Mistress questioned whether we should stop DD altogether.
My view is that the recent punishment session came after several weeks of inactivity and neither of us, especially me, were in a mindset conducive to maintaining a strict discipline environment.
There was no real reason for the punishment, apart from a bid to get me back on track by re-acquainting me with the cane.
My thoughts are that we need more consistency in maintaining our DD regime.
And I need to understand that there will be no escape from punishment, plus, no matter how busy we are, we need to ensure that we both remain focused on our DD rules.
Mistress took the almost unprecedented step of responding to Dan’s comments to, dictating her response for me to type onto the blog.
She said: “I was really upset with the way gk behaved the other night. His begging was a pathetic display for a grown man and was the final straw in several incidents of him fighting my authority.
“We’ve talked over why he behaves this way and he can’t really come up with any valid explanation apart from the fact that we’re not consistent enough with our regime. He’s right to an extent – but it’s no excuse for questioning my authority to wriggle out of the cane.
“I’ve decided, since we have had several months now where DD has been largely overlooked, that we need to do something drastic to get him towing the line again.
“It’s not all his fault. We’ve both been very busy with our work and it’s been too easy to overlook our relationship – on all levels, not just DD.
“I offered him the opportunity of discarding our DD regime. But he’s adamant he wants to continue.
“I’ve also offered him the opportunity to go and see someone else for the discipline he ‘needs’ but he refused that too.
“I believe, from everything he said and everything I know, that he needs my discipline to keep him in line. So what I’ve decided is that I am going to retrain him – this is the first he’s heard of this as he’s taking my dictation. We’re going back to basics. He’s going to be set tasks and chores on a daily basis – and he’s going to have to stick to the rules we’ve had for some time.
“For the next few weeks, he is going to be submissive to me 24/7 – not just when he feels like it. And if he fails or displeases he will be punished whether he likes it or not. He needs to be in the submissive mindset all the time and not just when he’s in the mood to be.”
“And if he fails to be 100% compliant after this period of training, then at least I’ve upheld my side of the bargain and given him every opportunity to lead the DD regime that he says he wanted. I will leave it to him to expand on his retraining.”