Friday, 13 March 2015

More about M/M caning

After reading my recent post about me experiencing M/M corporal punishment in my distant past, I received a comment from Dan, who runs a FLR forum, saying he felt it to be an ‘interesting twist’.
I asked him what he meant and he replied: “First, it just doesn't seem common to any of our other commentator (men in female led relationships).

“Second, I wonder whether it might inject an additional element of seriousness or inevitabilty to it.”
He continued: “One thing I think some wives struggle with is knowing that if their husband ever decided not to comply, they probably could not realistically overcome his physical resistance, because he likely is stronger.

“I've had more than one FLR wife tell me that she even sometimes worries that if she goes too far, he could go from resisting to dominating. With another male, it is much less of a given that you actually could overcome them if they decided to truly impose discipline whether you want it or not.”

So I thought I should put my brief M/M CP dalliance into context to help try and answer the questions.
I was married at the time of my M/M punishments. My wife knew about my CP interests and always promised that later in our marriage she would adopt a dominant role. But that never happened. What started as a CP fantasy for me grew into an obsession.

We were together almost 30 years so can you imagine the on-going frustration of a promise unfulfilled – though I don’t blame her for not being able to become my domina.  However, that last five or six years, we’d grown apart for other reasons and were just hanging on together for our kids.

To be fair to my ex-wife, she understood how deeply I felt about CP – and how the obsession was beginning to affect me mentally - and finally told me to go off and see a professional disciplinarian and ‘get it thrashed out of me.’

At the time, we had no spare money to pay for the service of a female disciplinarian that I sought but I found online many men who offered similar services for free.

Both gents I saw punished women and men. Even back then, I went to them with an explanation of how my obsession was affecting my marriage and how I thought I deserved to be punished for it. In other words, it needed to feel I was being punished for a reason.

The first gent was very much like an old headmaster, in fact rather bizarrely his wife, who knew nothing of his interests apparently, was a teacher!

He offered only CP and was quite strict through my dealings with him - insisting I wear something akin to school uniform, including short trousers. It felt uncomfortable but seemed like a fair request in return for his services!

He lectured me about my issues and then, to my surprise, gave me the tawse on my hands (three on each from memory) and six on my bottom with the cane over my trousers and pants. I was shocked just how much the tawse and cane hurt – especially the cane through two layers of clothing.

It was only a taster but I recall driving home elated that a huge weight had been lifted. The only trouble was I knew then that I had to experience this again, and needed to suffer a more intense punishment to be really satisfied.

My ex-wife was disappointed that I’d not found it to be a horrible experience but agreed it was okay for me to see him again. Which I did and was given 12 strokes on my bare bottom – a much more challenging session. And he was so delighted when I agreed to accept another six extras.

I found it a really strange, rather humiliating experience for myself, a hetro male, taking one’s trousers down in front of another man (who is stood over you flexing a cane) and then offering my naked bottom for punishment.
Dan asked if seeing a male for punishment means there’s an air of resignation that there is no opting out and yes, once in the room I felt that I reached a point where there was no going back and had to accept what was coming. It was that feeling I had always thought friends might have experienced when they had been in the headmaster’s study. I think that feeling of ‘no escape’ added to the disciplinary experience.

The second chap I saw was an ardent thrasher but also enjoyed the sexual aspect to the maximum and had a big circle of friends who met for CP-related sex parties at his house.

He was advertising on the spanking sites for couples to join them but agreed to see me on a one-to-one, purely for discipline. I think most of his subjects were female and he liked the opportunity of being able to cane a male.

He taught me the ritual of discipline and the true severity of a caning. He insisted on me presenting myself in uniform (in my case, at my suggestion,  as a stable lad - but with ladies panties – which he insisted on). I had to stand outside the study door and wait for about 10-15 minutes to be summonsed (essentially corner time). There was the humiliation of the lecture while he stood inches from my face, looking me up and down in my rather outrageous shiny pvc raincoat, jodhpurs and riding boots, before watching me undress down to my panties. I found his lecture to be very intense as he picked up on faults I had admitted to. And being dressed in this way also made me feel rather foolish. I found this aspect of the experience to be very humbling as well as very embarrassing and still struggle to understand why I freely submitted myself to it.

And then came the horrible moment of being told to bend over the desk – and with that, his careful folding of the panties downwards and inside out to make sure they sat just below the bottom cheeks. That moment of feeling so naked with a thin cane tapping your bottom is a quite frightening experience.
What made it more poignant was that his wife was there too and was also disciplined. It felt very strange having her experience my caning. To my surprise, I got no pleasure in seeing her punished.
He gave me 24 the first time, supplemented with strokes of the birch and a huge, triple thickness, leather strap.

I can remember thinking I could never see the beating through, promising myself never to get myself in this position gain. I was close to begging him to stop. But after the session I felt like all the stresses of life had melted away.

One moment I vividly recall was when I got up, thinking we had finished and he shouted at me for doing so without permission. I remember my bowels convulsing and I almost wet myself, just like had nearly happened to me a couple of times when I was at school when shouted at by masters. There was no doubt in my mind that this was a very real punishment experience!

Yet I went back a second time – and it was even worse, in terms of the beating. We actually stopped at one stage because I was creating so much fuss. That was a watershed for me and underlined just how important corporal punishment was to me. He was actually very kind to me at that time, becoming almost like a psychologist to help me mentally through the process. He knew if I left it unfinished I would regret it.

I realized too I was spoiling his moment yet, to his credit, he was very understanding and we eventually resumed punishment, with I have to say, no reduction in the force he delivered the cane strokes.

At the end he started to make suggestions of a sexual nature, like I should thank him properly for my beating but I politely declined. Which he accepted.

I’m not all that way inclined but I did feel guilty that I never agreed to exploring his needs a little after the way he had helped me overcome a big hurdle.

Despite this, I always had it in my mind to continue seeing him – the punishment level was severe but I knew it was exactly what I needed.

But then he invited me to his parties adding the caveat that I would have to indulge in the sex games that went with it – with the men as well as the women.

It was at that point I cut contact with him and decided to seek help from professional female disciplinarians. At least once you paid the cash there were no strings attached.

With both men, although we discussed what I thought I needed, they controlled the situation and set the tariff. The difference I found with professionals, was that the punter controlled everything – except with one lady I saw for a judicial caning. I had appointments maybe twice a year for three or four years. It was never enough but was my only option and, being brutally honest, I never felt any kind of reality attached to those sessions (apart from the judicial). “Who’s been a naughty boy then…” never had any resonance.

But then my marriage ended. I somehow was blessed with finding the wonderful lady I am with now. Quite incredibly, she’s only too happy to be my disciplinarian. And I most definitely no longer have any say in when or how I am caned.

I always felt that my previous CP encounters, especially with the professional ladies, there was an air of detachment, which ultimately left me feeling a tinge of disappointment.

The biggest difference now is that there is true love involved in my discipline and the disciplinary process is just part of an overall relationship. 

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