Friday, 20 March 2015

Mistress’s DD training regime

So, I am to be retrained. Mistress offered me the choice of scrapping our DD regime altogether, sending me to a professional disciplinarian, or re-training. The latter was the only option for me.

I know we’ve been down this road before and I know I behave badly as a submissive – someone even described my behaviour as ‘atrocious’ -  but I think this has every chance of working because Mistress is driving it 100% this time.

She’s told me the training programme starts with immediate effect and the aim is to make me more compliant with her expectations, to make me more respectful and attentive, accept her authority without question – at all times. “You need to become more accountable for you own behaviour and remember your place,’ she said.

The training period is initially one month and the reason for that, she says, is to ensure I get a real chance of adapting to the ways she expects. In one month, she says, we should encounter a wide variety of challenges to our regime, and need to learn how to adapt to them.

We could have done a more severe weekend Boot Camp, which we’ve done before, but the short sharp shock only has a limited effect over a longer period – or at least it has for us in the past.

So from today I must refer to her as Mistress at all times, unless in the company of family, close friends or work colleagues. That means if we’re out shopping and then I have to call her Mistress during all conversations. An interesting prospect.

When I come home from work in the evening I have to go immediately upstairs and get changed into my ‘uniform’, then report to Mistress. This involves knocking on the door to the living room and waiting until I am summonsed. I will then be lectured on behaviour and given my instructions for the evening. If I have my own work to do, then this will be taken into account when my chores are set. It’s the same process for weekends.

Punishment is entirely at the discretion of Mistress and will now include the option for corner time as well as corporal punishment. Plus she intends to use the strap on my hands and a whip on my back.
To avoid any misunderstanding I will be lectured on my faults prior to any punishment – though Mistress reserves the right to punish for no reason – and says she will inform me when that is the case.
Three important aspects of our DD is that I accept her direction without question, that I remain in place throughout punishment and I endure it without vocal reaction.

Mistress has decided that in future I will be punished over the ladder we used to use – but with no restraint (like we used in the past) so the emphasis is 100% on my self control. With that in mind she says the maximum number of strokes will be 12, though I will earn extra if I loose position or cry out.
“Your self control is a very important aspect of your discipline. And it’s important that we focus on your discipline by introducing consistency,” she said, adding, “Little and often will benefit you and our relationship in the long term.”

She warns me the cane strokes will still be at full force – and there is no limit to how many punishment sessions there are in one day. And she added: “Don’t think you’ve escaped more severe punishments. Remember this is a training period and we have to get you to behave like a submissive at all times – not when you feel like it. Those 36-stroke canings – and more - are by no means a thing of your past.”

Mistress says the cane, strap and whip will be left hanging on the bedroom door at all times for instant accessibility. We currently keep everything locked away. “Just seeing the cane there will remind you to behave,” she said.

I also have to maintain a diary of thoughts throughout the training programme but will only be allowed a maximum of 10 minutes each evening to record them. They will be vetted before being posted on line.

I feel happy that we have direction – and that Mistress is driving it. I know I should be better behaved in this style of relationship but I’ve allowed other influences to dominate my life.

Having DD there 24/7 will add focus to our relationship. The thought of training is quite daunting but it will give more sustained focus, the kind of focus we’ve had in the past but comes in fits and starts. I secretly believe if this works, then Mistress will adopt it as full time, which is even more daunting.

We welcome any comments and/or advice others in similar relationships may have to help us through what might be a quite demanding period for us both. 

Thursday, 19 March 2015

Subby's DD re-training

It’s sometimes uncanny how things evolve when writing about personal experiences in the world of female led relationships and domestic discipline.

I’ve recently blogged about my first experiences of corporal punishment as an adult, which were M/m based.

Reading some M/m punishment stories, which then triggered memories of my past, provoked my thoughts. Why was I reading them?  Because I’m interested in all forms of discipline especially how such traditional methods still have a place in adult relationships today.

When I posted my thoughts, Dan, who runs a forum about female led relationships suggested: “I wonder whether if it (being punished by a man) might inject an additional element of seriousness or inevitability to it.”

I agreed it did  and explained why those appointments worked for me at the time. But then someone emailed me to ask a hypothetical question about revisiting a M/m situation.

My initial thoughts about M/m came just before our DD regime was put into turmoil by me being rather badly behaved when it came to punishment a few nights ago – and just two days later Dan posed a question on his female led relationship blog about resistance from the male when it came to punishment. It was a timely blog post.

I was secured over the bench and had suffered three strokes of the cane when, in a fit of panic, I felt I could take no more and begged for Mistress to stop.

I don’t understand why I behaved like this. For years I’ve had a deep-seated need to be caned – and I’m in a relationship where there is a mechanism for this to happen. And when our DD regime is working, our relationship is perfect.

This has happened before – and I’ve blogged about it - but this recent episode left me very upset and baffled. And Mistress was very annoyed, as well as being upset too.

My only excuse is that I could not deal with the pain – even though I want to submit to her discipline and, actually, feel that I need it.

Of course, in an ideal world, the punishment would have continued but Mistress is still not  100% confident in her role and secondly, she worries about the neighbours over-hearing my protestations.

Mistress stopped immediately and once we had put the canes away, we sat and discussed why I behave this way – and what we could do to resolve the issue, if indeed it was worth resolving. Mistress questioned whether we should stop DD altogether.

My view is that the recent punishment session came after several weeks of inactivity and neither of us, especially me, were in a mindset conducive to maintaining a strict discipline environment.

There was no real reason for the punishment, apart from a bid to get me back on track by re-acquainting me with the cane.

My thoughts are that we need more consistency in maintaining our DD regime.

And I need to understand that there will be no escape from punishment, plus, no matter how busy we are, we need to ensure that we both remain focused on our DD rules.

Mistress took the almost unprecedented step of responding to Dan’s comments to, dictating her response for me to type onto the blog.

She said: “I was really upset with the way gk behaved the other night. His begging was a pathetic display for a grown man and was the final straw in several incidents of him fighting my authority.

“We’ve talked over why he behaves this way and he can’t really come up with any valid explanation apart from the fact that we’re not consistent enough with our regime. He’s right to an extent – but it’s no excuse for questioning my authority to wriggle out of the cane.

“I’ve decided, since we have had several months now where DD has been largely overlooked, that we need to do something drastic to get him towing the line again.

“It’s not all his fault. We’ve both been very busy with our work and it’s been too easy to overlook our relationship – on all levels, not just DD.

“I offered him the opportunity of discarding our DD regime. But he’s adamant he wants to continue.
“I’ve also offered him the opportunity to go and see someone else for the discipline he ‘needs’ but he refused that too.

“I believe, from everything he said and everything I know, that he needs my discipline to keep him in line. So what I’ve decided is that I am going to retrain him – this is the first he’s heard of this as he’s taking my dictation. We’re going back to basics. He’s going to be set tasks and chores on a daily basis – and he’s going to have to stick to the rules we’ve had for some time.

“For the next few weeks, he is going to be submissive to me 24/7 – not just when he feels like it. And if he fails or displeases he will be punished whether he likes it or not. He needs to be in the submissive mindset all the time and not just when he’s in the mood to be.”

“And if he fails to be 100% compliant after this period of training, then at least I’ve upheld my side of the bargain and given him every opportunity to lead the DD regime that he says he wanted. I will leave it to him to expand on his retraining.”

Monday, 16 March 2015

Discipline and mentors

Well, my brief, and very distant, dalliance with M/m corporal punishment that I’ve written about in the past couple of days has certainly attracted some correspondence.

One interested male, living in a female-led-relationship posed the question: “If your partner no longer punished you, but wanted to maintain your discipline through a third party, would you a) prefer to be sent to a female or a male for discipline and b) bearing in mind your comments already posted about the effectiveness of a male disciplinarian, would you expect more effective discipline from a man?

Well firstly, I think it unlikely Mistress would want anyone to discipline me other than her good self.
But for the purposes of offering a theoretical answer to this hypothetical question, I would happily accept whatever Mistress decreed in the event of her wishing to farm out my discipline to a third party.
I’m sure it would be a topic of serious discussion beforehand to weigh up the pros and cons of me being sent to a female or male - and the biggest question would likely be: ‘who would be the most effective disciplinarian to suit our needs.’

To answer the second part of the question, I assume the person posing the question was drawing attention to my comments about it ‘feeling more like real discipline from the male disciplinarians I once saw.’

I think Mistress and I would want me to see someone who would act as a mentor. Someone to take on board why I am really there – in order that I might be corrected for erring from the path set by Mistress.
I think that would rule out most professional disciplinarians – but not all. If we could find a female disciplinarian who might be more in tune - in a feminine way – to understand Mistress’ reason for exercising authority over me than I’m sure Mistress would approve.

But from distant past experience of seeing ‘professional disciplinarian’ females I found most difficult to ‘believe in’ which is not a problem if you are simply scratching an itch and want to experience a thrashing (as I did many years ago). But if you are looking for a real disciplinary punishment, delivered with meaning and as part of a corrective process for real faults, then I’m not sure it would have the right effect.

Any punishment can be delivered with real severity but there’s no point unless that punishment comes with a meaningful message. I can think of only one professional Lady I saw many years ago with the kind of authority to act as a mentor.

The two men I saw also struck me as having the ability to act as mentors – and I know of another couple of men who would also fit that bill - strict, old-fashioned, no-nonsense disciplinarians who believe in the traditional values of life and equally traditional methods of correction.

Quite why I see them in the role of mentor, when I have very submissive tendencies towards women, is unclear to me but it could possibly be that my psyche tells me that no female could ever take the place of Mistress - and it would not feel like a male disciplinarian was trying to.

Someone asked me if seeing a male disciplinarian would add an air of inevitability to the proceedings. Certainly the people I have experience of made it feel that way and I think we would both choose someone who could carry out Mistress’ instruction to the letter – and, given their demeanour, there would be no resisting their punishment.

It’s funny, but I’d never even thought of such a scenario ever happening but it does remind me of a time when Mistress was ill a few years back and quipped that as she was unable to discipline me, maybe she should send me to see someone.

I dismissed that notion as folly at the time but did say to Mistress I would happily go along with her offer if she really meant it - but felt that if she did ever send me somewhere for discipline, then it would be only right for her to take me and witness my correction.

Perhaps the seed has once again been sowed in my head. During the process of thinking and writing this response I’ve started to wonder how I might feel in such a situation. How I’d feel if Mistress expressed such a notion. How I’d feel being driven by Mistress to my appointment. How I’d feel standing there being lectured by a man - with her watching and listening.

I think the key element in making it an effective corrective process to benefit our relationship would be that horribly intensive feeling of inevitability. The knowledge that once Mistress had set the path, there would be nothing I could do to prevent the process reaching a very painful, tearful conclusion. With that in mind, I think it could work as another very effective corrective process to benefit our relationship. 

Friday, 13 March 2015

More about M/M caning

After reading my recent post about me experiencing M/M corporal punishment in my distant past, I received a comment from Dan, who runs a FLR forum, saying he felt it to be an ‘interesting twist’.
I asked him what he meant and he replied: “First, it just doesn't seem common to any of our other commentator (men in female led relationships).

“Second, I wonder whether it might inject an additional element of seriousness or inevitabilty to it.”
He continued: “One thing I think some wives struggle with is knowing that if their husband ever decided not to comply, they probably could not realistically overcome his physical resistance, because he likely is stronger.

“I've had more than one FLR wife tell me that she even sometimes worries that if she goes too far, he could go from resisting to dominating. With another male, it is much less of a given that you actually could overcome them if they decided to truly impose discipline whether you want it or not.”

So I thought I should put my brief M/M CP dalliance into context to help try and answer the questions.
I was married at the time of my M/M punishments. My wife knew about my CP interests and always promised that later in our marriage she would adopt a dominant role. But that never happened. What started as a CP fantasy for me grew into an obsession.

We were together almost 30 years so can you imagine the on-going frustration of a promise unfulfilled – though I don’t blame her for not being able to become my domina.  However, that last five or six years, we’d grown apart for other reasons and were just hanging on together for our kids.

To be fair to my ex-wife, she understood how deeply I felt about CP – and how the obsession was beginning to affect me mentally - and finally told me to go off and see a professional disciplinarian and ‘get it thrashed out of me.’

At the time, we had no spare money to pay for the service of a female disciplinarian that I sought but I found online many men who offered similar services for free.

Both gents I saw punished women and men. Even back then, I went to them with an explanation of how my obsession was affecting my marriage and how I thought I deserved to be punished for it. In other words, it needed to feel I was being punished for a reason.

The first gent was very much like an old headmaster, in fact rather bizarrely his wife, who knew nothing of his interests apparently, was a teacher!

He offered only CP and was quite strict through my dealings with him - insisting I wear something akin to school uniform, including short trousers. It felt uncomfortable but seemed like a fair request in return for his services!

He lectured me about my issues and then, to my surprise, gave me the tawse on my hands (three on each from memory) and six on my bottom with the cane over my trousers and pants. I was shocked just how much the tawse and cane hurt – especially the cane through two layers of clothing.

It was only a taster but I recall driving home elated that a huge weight had been lifted. The only trouble was I knew then that I had to experience this again, and needed to suffer a more intense punishment to be really satisfied.

My ex-wife was disappointed that I’d not found it to be a horrible experience but agreed it was okay for me to see him again. Which I did and was given 12 strokes on my bare bottom – a much more challenging session. And he was so delighted when I agreed to accept another six extras.

I found it a really strange, rather humiliating experience for myself, a hetro male, taking one’s trousers down in front of another man (who is stood over you flexing a cane) and then offering my naked bottom for punishment.
Dan asked if seeing a male for punishment means there’s an air of resignation that there is no opting out and yes, once in the room I felt that I reached a point where there was no going back and had to accept what was coming. It was that feeling I had always thought friends might have experienced when they had been in the headmaster’s study. I think that feeling of ‘no escape’ added to the disciplinary experience.

The second chap I saw was an ardent thrasher but also enjoyed the sexual aspect to the maximum and had a big circle of friends who met for CP-related sex parties at his house.

He was advertising on the spanking sites for couples to join them but agreed to see me on a one-to-one, purely for discipline. I think most of his subjects were female and he liked the opportunity of being able to cane a male.

He taught me the ritual of discipline and the true severity of a caning. He insisted on me presenting myself in uniform (in my case, at my suggestion,  as a stable lad - but with ladies panties – which he insisted on). I had to stand outside the study door and wait for about 10-15 minutes to be summonsed (essentially corner time). There was the humiliation of the lecture while he stood inches from my face, looking me up and down in my rather outrageous shiny pvc raincoat, jodhpurs and riding boots, before watching me undress down to my panties. I found his lecture to be very intense as he picked up on faults I had admitted to. And being dressed in this way also made me feel rather foolish. I found this aspect of the experience to be very humbling as well as very embarrassing and still struggle to understand why I freely submitted myself to it.

And then came the horrible moment of being told to bend over the desk – and with that, his careful folding of the panties downwards and inside out to make sure they sat just below the bottom cheeks. That moment of feeling so naked with a thin cane tapping your bottom is a quite frightening experience.
What made it more poignant was that his wife was there too and was also disciplined. It felt very strange having her experience my caning. To my surprise, I got no pleasure in seeing her punished.
He gave me 24 the first time, supplemented with strokes of the birch and a huge, triple thickness, leather strap.

I can remember thinking I could never see the beating through, promising myself never to get myself in this position gain. I was close to begging him to stop. But after the session I felt like all the stresses of life had melted away.

One moment I vividly recall was when I got up, thinking we had finished and he shouted at me for doing so without permission. I remember my bowels convulsing and I almost wet myself, just like had nearly happened to me a couple of times when I was at school when shouted at by masters. There was no doubt in my mind that this was a very real punishment experience!

Yet I went back a second time – and it was even worse, in terms of the beating. We actually stopped at one stage because I was creating so much fuss. That was a watershed for me and underlined just how important corporal punishment was to me. He was actually very kind to me at that time, becoming almost like a psychologist to help me mentally through the process. He knew if I left it unfinished I would regret it.

I realized too I was spoiling his moment yet, to his credit, he was very understanding and we eventually resumed punishment, with I have to say, no reduction in the force he delivered the cane strokes.

At the end he started to make suggestions of a sexual nature, like I should thank him properly for my beating but I politely declined. Which he accepted.

I’m not all that way inclined but I did feel guilty that I never agreed to exploring his needs a little after the way he had helped me overcome a big hurdle.

Despite this, I always had it in my mind to continue seeing him – the punishment level was severe but I knew it was exactly what I needed.

But then he invited me to his parties adding the caveat that I would have to indulge in the sex games that went with it – with the men as well as the women.

It was at that point I cut contact with him and decided to seek help from professional female disciplinarians. At least once you paid the cash there were no strings attached.

With both men, although we discussed what I thought I needed, they controlled the situation and set the tariff. The difference I found with professionals, was that the punter controlled everything – except with one lady I saw for a judicial caning. I had appointments maybe twice a year for three or four years. It was never enough but was my only option and, being brutally honest, I never felt any kind of reality attached to those sessions (apart from the judicial). “Who’s been a naughty boy then…” never had any resonance.

But then my marriage ended. I somehow was blessed with finding the wonderful lady I am with now. Quite incredibly, she’s only too happy to be my disciplinarian. And I most definitely no longer have any say in when or how I am caned.

I always felt that my previous CP encounters, especially with the professional ladies, there was an air of detachment, which ultimately left me feeling a tinge of disappointment.

The biggest difference now is that there is true love involved in my discipline and the disciplinary process is just part of an overall relationship.