Sunday, 18 January 2015

The folly of expections


Yesterday was one of those days made for the cane.

I’d felt good all day, working around the house, but the moment Mistress walked in from work my mood just changed and I found myself behaving in a nasty, crabby manner.

Such mood swings happen from time to time for no real reason and, when we first started our DD regime, I felt the cane would offer an important benefit in that Mistress could correct me immediately she noticed any behavior change for the worst.

Discipline has been off the radar for a few days and I’d certainly not thought about it all day so I didn’t think I was playing up to get caned – not that I would since Mistress is so devastatingly effective with her methods now. It is something to avoid at all costs.

I’d made sure the chores were done and the evening meal was all planned out so I’d settled down, in my favourite PVC outfit, to watch a film on TV. Maybe it was Mistress coming in demanding a cup of tea and wanting to know when tea was ready but whatever it was, I felt myself becoming resentful.
I got up, made her cuppa, and started the meal. It was quite early so I didn’t expect she’d want service so early – but one should never make such assumptions.

We ate and then Mistress demanded another cuppa. At this point I rebelled, not in a shouty way, but my huffing and puffing was enough to draw a reaction.

“Do you want the whip,” she enquired.

“No Mistress,’ was my emphatic response. And I meant it.

“Well carry on like that and you’ll get it.”

My heart raced as I rushed off to get the cup of tea as ordered, because by this point I expected punishment to be inevitable. My behavior was unacceptable but when I took Mistress her drink she just looked at me as I stood there, expecting a lecture. To my surprise she simply said:  “well, isn’t there some washing up to do.”

As I stood at the sink, I have to admit I felt a little resentful knowing Mistress was sat, as usual relaxing while watching TV. Here was I still working.

It’s strange, I don’t mind this life of service, if Mistress is being, well Mistress. But it didn’t feel like she was showing me any kind of authority, so why was I bothering to be submissive to her?

But then I realized that she had been authoritative. Giving me instruction was enough. It’s just she didn’t have a cane in her hand to enforce the authority.

I wondered if that my mood change was what ever the chemical change is in my head or body that turns on the need to experience painful punishment. That my mood change was in fact a subliminal trigger from deep within myself to encourage punishment from Mistress.

Whatever the psychology of my behavior I have to report that I did not suffer the cane yesterday. Nor today. Mistress has also been very un-Mistress like. I know I should not expect any different.

But that’s only served to increase tension within me. The knock-on effect is that I now feel a good dose of the cane is necessary to  calm me down and get me back on track. In other words I need that painful release. The irony of course is that I will do anything to avoid it, if Mistress should threaten.

But one thing I don’t want to do is deliberately encourage Mistress to punish me. She would see through that and probably defer from using the cane for some time.

Under the circumstances I will try hard to control my crabby thoughts and just do my best to serve. 

3 comments:

  1. That is an interesting thought -- that you get annoyed with your wife's direction out of some subliminal desire to be spanked. Also that you do not want to do anything that might lead her to stop caning you, but then you try to get out of them if she orders one.

    I do the same thing. I will sometimes know that I need, or at least heartily deserve a spanking. But, once she actually orders one or suggests she might give me one, I try to talk my way out of it.

    Dan

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  2. I am sure she will remember your behaviour and rein you in with a whipping sooner than you might think. In th meantime a letter of apology for your crabbiness over the weekend would not go amiss and might prompt the caning you are looking for.

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  3. Good point that you can't encourage you to punish her because she will see that. You will get the whippings when she thinks they are appropriate.

    FD

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