Mistress has been determined to cane me for a couple of weeks now. I managed to escape last week after going down with a stomach bug but even when I was ill she reminded me that there would be no escape.
All weekend I managed to dodge the inevitable thanks to ‘outside forces.’
Mistress promised I would get it yesterday but she was home very late and, as we went to bed, she said: “ Well you got out of it again didn’t you? No more. Eight pm tomorrow evening. I want you ready for punishment when I get home.”
It’s been so long since I felt the cane that I’m not sure I can face gong back over the bench.
Each time the threat builds, I feel sick inside and always end up with a tummy ache. I know what to expect from Mistress now and the fear exceeds the thrill – even for a lifelong CP enthusiast like me.
I tell myself it’s something I need but it makes no difference. The thought of the pain just overwhelms me and I’m not sure I can do this any more.
But Mistress won’t accept my protestations.
“You wanted this and you said you needed me to take charge so tomorrow I’m going to punish you. And perhaps we can get you back in line again.”
I explained my feelings and said I wasn’t sure I wanted to live under the threat of punishment.
“You don’t understand do you? You need to be punished. I can see that in you, even if you are not ‘in the mood for it’ right now. There’s just too much tension in your life. You’ve become snappy – at me as well as in general. I think a good dose of the cane is what you need and I intend to see you get it. You will thank me for it afterwards when you feel a lot calmer.”
I tried to explain that I feel quite emotional right now with various things happening in both our lives and my fear is that, along with the fuss I make when I’m caned now, my emotions might become too much and leave me in a flood of tears. I asked Mistress how she would feel if she saw me like this.
“It won’t make any difference,” she said coldly.
“You need to be caned and once we’ve crossed that hurdle, then we can work on the pledge. Remember that? No you obviously don’t. Well it’s time you did because I’ve not been happy for some time with your attitude. The pledge says you will serve me, obey me. It’s almost like out relationship has been turned around and you’re the one trying to take control. So we need to sort things out.”