Friday, 1 August 2014

Confronting the demons

Writing a blog can be a joyous, liberating exercise. It allows you to express your inner thoughts (in my case not very eloquently) and reap the fruits of one’s labours when positive comments flow in.

But that happens when the negative is anything but positive and is really very critical of one’s self? It’s not a nice feeling at all and, after the adverse comments from lawyer and K Rai to my most recent post, I wondered whether it was worth continuing – especially as both of them pointed out my rather obvious shortcomings.

Mistress and I are trying to pursue a female led relationship but after years of previous vanilla relationships, both of us find it hard works to maintain our FLR 24/7. We were are both full focused it works well and we do have a fairly strict DD regime to help keep me in my place - but I often stray from our rules. And what is worse, I still, after several years of developing our FLR, top from the bottom and, in doing so, show a lack of respect for Mistress.

I put her under pressure to focus on our FLR, how I’d like it to develop but I actually behave like I do outside of the home – in other words; expecting everything done my way, and now!

But thankfully, both lawyer and K Rai picked up on the tone of my most recently post and were fairly critical of my attitude. My initial response was to close the blog so I wouldn’t have to confront my demons but after a lot of thought, I realized how helpful their comments were and decided I should continue because its that feedback we all yearn for when we blog and the negative comments can be more helpful than positive ones – thought I’d rather not have to face an avalanche of them!

How are the comments helping already? Yesterday we had a day off together shopping and Mistress wanted to eat at a certain place – and I didn’t. Normally I’d offer my thoughts and we would probably have tried somewhere else but I stopped myself before I opened my mouth, ate where Mistress wanted and she was happy. Likewise, shopping. I tend to go off and do my thing (which Mistress doesn’t mind) but yesterday I felt much more attentive to what she wanted to look at and we shared the experience.

It was only a couple of small things I noticed myself doing - and I hope I’ve not made it sound condescending – but I do think my awareness of my ‘attitude’ was helped by thinking about the comments made.