Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Domestic discipline without corporal punishment?

Dan at poses a question to all his readers each week about their Female led relationships and their DD regimes.

A recent question asked: Would you still be into the idea of a Female-Led domestic discipline relationship if it did not involve spanking?

He wondered how we might react if the spanking aspect were wholly removed and it was, instead, just about living under someone else's direction or control? 

And he also asked our disciplinary wives/partners, if the spanking element of the DD relationship was a necessary part of it for them - or would they be okay with the relationship if they still got to exercise but spanking was not part of the picture?

I thought the questions were very pertinent and the answers would reveal a lot about our true feelings about being in a Female led relationship.

My response to Dan was that I’d like to think I’d accept Mistress’ direction whether she used corporal punishment or not in our FLR but, in all honesty I’m not sure if that would ever happen.

Of course if I was a true submissive and served Mistress 24/7, punishment would not come into it – because be definition I should devote myself 100% to Mistress. But to err, is human.

I explained to Dan that whenever we have a discussion about how our FLR is progressing I always say that Mistress has the authority to run the house as she sees fit.

However I said that I can’t really see her ever not resorting to her cane to discipline me.

I said this for several reasons. The first is that she actually enjoys correcting the error of my ways and seeing me suffer for my failings. Not in a nasty sadistic way – but in a way that it my suffering atones for upsetting her or disappointing her.

and in suffering she enjoys the effect of ‘mothering’ me as she calls it – taking care of my needs and caring from me in my suffering.

Secondly we’ve both realize some time ago that corporal punishment is such an effective way of clearing the air – and is one of the reasons she was so keen to use it in the first place because she could appreciate the effect it had on me (to bring me back in line to accept her authority) and also the effect she felt in disciplining me.

And thirdly, Mistress started caning me because she knew I had a ‘need’ to feel the cane from time to time. At first it was playful, but as Mistress become more adept with the cane, and grew with confidence in her authoritarian role, she began to see the benefits of the cane as an instrument for correction of real issues. I was the one who suggest a DD regime – but it was her who fully embraced it and generally administers her discipline with great gusto. 

My conclusion was that our DD regime is likely to remain in place - but if Mistress suddenly decided to hang up her cane for good, would I have any say? That would be very unlikely.

Then I asked Mistress for her thoughts. “From past experience we both know domestic discipline without the ultimate sanction of corporal punihsment won’t work,” she said. “You just don’t respond in the right way without it and need a good dose of the cane to remind you who is boss.

“I’ve accepted you are just not a very good submissive. You just play at it and without the regular corporal punishment, I don’t think our DD would last five minutes.

“If you were a true submissive and really wanted to please me, you would be much more attentive to my needs. But that’s not you.

“Without DD our relationship would be very ordinary and I can see when things are lax in the discipline department, how you gradually become more and more overbearing and lazy, totally forgetting your place. So I would be the loser in the relationship. That’s not going to happen. I like having you just where you are.

“But I think we can improve your attitude considerably yet with the training we have. If not, then you will always have a sore bottom because I’m not about to hang up my cane!”


  1. Excellent thoughts! I love the line, "You just play at it and without the regular corporal punishment, I don’t think our DD would last five minutes."

    My Mistress does not use corporal punishment on me very often and has used almost those exact words, "you just play at it," to describe my behavior from time to time. I'm going to share this with her because I think your Mistress is exactly correct. As we are learning I believe, like your Mistress said, that course correction is necessary. It is of course a love hate sorta thing, but we submissives long for it!

    1. From what I've read, there are many of us who desperately want to live the submissive lifestyle - until the opportunity to do so presents itself and there's suddenly the fear of letting go sand embracing it.

  2. This must be one of the best posts I've read about this subject, if not the best. It seems your mistress understands ME better than my wife... Oh, Wait! She was describing YOU??? ;)

    1. Thanks for the kind comments. Without sounding patronising, I'm always amazed how intuitive women are....and how lacking we are

  3. The question certainly got my attention. However upon thinking about it, I don't think I would pursue a FLR with a woman who didn't want to include spanking as part of it. I know we tend to emphasize the 'fun' aspect of spanking but for me life is too short to not include it. I have been in 'dry' relationships that definitely had FLR undercurrents but they didn't seem to work for either of us. Today I am glad I finally found Cora who seems to be the perfect match for me.

    1. I agree Ken. Even though being caned by Mistress is no longer a pleasant affair - she's so damned efficient with a cane now - I'd find it hard just to live the submissive role without that deterrent of CP there

  4. You and I are just way too alike. I think my wife would totally agree that while I try to be submissive, I basically suck at it, and corporal punishment is required to get and keep my attention.