Thursday, 24 July 2014

Strict discipline

There’s been a fair amount of tension in the house these past few days.

We’ve both been very busy workwise and with little time to focus on DD, I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve been less than the perfect submissive for quite a while now.

Mistress has been threatening to punish me for over a week but on each occasion time has been set aside, something else has reared its head.

As a result, I’ve been getting more and more bitchy towards Mistress. I pick up on the little things that annoy me – the ones that usually float over me – and then dig at her about them.

I know it’s wrong but it’s not something I deliberately do. Each occasion I tell myself it’s wrong and not to do it again – but the next time I moan and dig just the same.

On the one hand I now avoid the cane at all costs yet when I’m threatened with it, and then it doesn’t happen, I get a deep feeling of frustration – and that seems to manifest itself in my bitchy comments aimed at Mistress.

Mistress finally had enough tonight and told me to fetch the cane. She also instructed me to set up our new caning bench – a footstool and a bar stool which, tied together, with me strapped down in a kneeling position, means there’s no chance of me moving around to escape the cane strokes – and my bottom is at a perfect height for Mistress to use the cane at full force.

I placed both of our Dragon canes by the bench and watched as Mistress picked up the thin one and stood flexing it.

“So, do you know why I am going to cane you tonight?”

“Because I’ve been disrespectful to you Mistress for several days.”

“You have, very much so. And that disappointments me. It means that we will have to go through the same painful training process yet again. Bend over the bench.”

As Mistress tightened the strap round my legs and then fastened my wrists, I could feel myself breathing heavier and heavier through my nose. I kept telling myself to be brave, don’t make a fuss, and how much this was really deserved.

As usual my resolve was a pathetic failure and within three strokes I was making a fuss.

There was no doubt Mistress was caning me hard – harder than at any time I can remember. But I say this every time.

I began begging for it to stop – and heard myself say, “please Mistress, I can’t take anymore.”

With that she threw the cane down, undid my wrists and told me to pack things away.

I did as I was told and then she summons me to stand in front of her, while she lounged in the leather armchair.

“You are an absolute wimp,” she said. “I expect a bit more restraint from you during punishment. You always said you wanted to be punished like a man – yet you always behave like a child. I think we’re going to need a long, painful training programme so we don’t get this pathetic fuss each time I have to discipline you.

“Yes Mistress.”

I was told to get tea and waved away.

I felt terrible – because deep down, no matter how hard those 12 strokes of the cane were, it wasn’t the punishment I knew I really deserved.

The dilemma Mistress has is that she still finds it difficult to ignore my pleading, because it’s not totally natural for her to play this dominant role. We are both still learning about DD after all.

My belief is that she wouldn’t be quite so worried about hurting me, if we lived in a nice detached house and no one would be able to overhear my pleading. As it is, we constantly worry that the neighbors will hear our sessions of correction.

After tea we discussed the issues at length. Firstly we covered my bitchiness leading up to tonight’s punishment and then we discussed the aborted punishment. The conclusion was that we needed to work together to maintain DD – and I have to accept my punishment with less fuss – in fact no fuss.
Mistress said: “I expect you to take the cane in silence. You are a man. Behave like one.  

“I suggest when you blog about tonight you ask your other submissive friends how they are trained to take their punishment. I’m sure their Mistresses don’t have to put up with the sort of  fuss like you create. You really are such a wimp.”

I agreed I would try to canvas opinion but that we are all different and some men take a beating better than others. Deep down I felt very embarrassed.

I suggested that in future Mistress ignores my pleas and punishes me as she feels fit and doesn’t let me off lightly. But I also said I would try harder – and admitted finally, I was embarrassed by my lack of self control.

I explained that I needed her to be strict with me otherwise there would be no deterrent effect. But I added that she was caning me particularly hard earlier.

Mistress suddenly turned on me again and said, for the umpteenth time that evening: “You are an absolute wimp. I was caning you hard but I could cane a lot harder.”

Stupidly I grinned – but it was a disdainful, ‘whatever you say Mistress’ grin.

Mistress picked up on it straight away. “In that case, you can set up the bench and I will show you just how hard I can really cane. Then perhaps you will show me some proper respect. Do it now.”

I wasted no time doing what I was told. On the one had it felt like justice was about to be done. On the other I was dreading it as I pulled the two Dragon canes back out of the wardrobe. But I told myself there was no way Mistress was going to cane me as hard as she had done earlier. Not at this late hour. What about the neighbors? I was wrong.

As I was fastened to the bench, I was desperate to stay in control and set my lips as tight as I could. I could hear heavy breathing through my nose and then the cane lashed down.

I was a biting, stinging, horrible punishment – far worse than earlier. With no respite between strokes to recover. But I made no noise.

Instead I could feel every emotion being transmitted through my body. I could feel my battered bottom shaking between strokes, my legs and feet were wriggling, my chest convulsing. But I didn’t not cry out.

My lips were trembling and distorting. I felt close to bursting into tears. I wanted to let go and weep. But something inside stopped me.

After 24 horrendous strokes, Mistress ordered me to kneel before her again. She lectured me again on my behavior, what she expected of me and warned me, she still hadn’t used the cane at 100%.
She asked me to explain my emotions now that I had been properly punished.

As you know, I’ve always struggled to explain my innermost emotions in written form and it’s even worse trying to explain face to face with Mistress.

I said this and was met with, “you are quick enough to blog your thought to your ‘friends’. Tell me.”
I explained about the frustrations building up and how my bitchy behavior emerges. And how it’s so hard to control – even when I know I’m doing wrong.

I explained that just because I’m pleading for the cane to stop – doesn’t mean it should. That Mistress should just focus on punishing me as she sees fit – and see it through to the bitter end.

And I explained how emotional I felt in the second session, how actually forcing myself to remain silent focused on my bad behavior, how badly I felt about hurting her – and how I needed the punishment to cleanse the bad feelings inside.

It sounds muddled but I think Mistress understood what I was trying to say. I’m just worried now how tonight’s experiences are going to affect our DD regime in the future. But how ever Mistress wants to take it forward, I can only be guided by her authority. 

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Domestic discipline without corporal punishment?

Dan at poses a question to all his readers each week about their Female led relationships and their DD regimes.

A recent question asked: Would you still be into the idea of a Female-Led domestic discipline relationship if it did not involve spanking?

He wondered how we might react if the spanking aspect were wholly removed and it was, instead, just about living under someone else's direction or control? 

And he also asked our disciplinary wives/partners, if the spanking element of the DD relationship was a necessary part of it for them - or would they be okay with the relationship if they still got to exercise but spanking was not part of the picture?

I thought the questions were very pertinent and the answers would reveal a lot about our true feelings about being in a Female led relationship.

My response to Dan was that I’d like to think I’d accept Mistress’ direction whether she used corporal punishment or not in our FLR but, in all honesty I’m not sure if that would ever happen.

Of course if I was a true submissive and served Mistress 24/7, punishment would not come into it – because be definition I should devote myself 100% to Mistress. But to err, is human.

I explained to Dan that whenever we have a discussion about how our FLR is progressing I always say that Mistress has the authority to run the house as she sees fit.

However I said that I can’t really see her ever not resorting to her cane to discipline me.

I said this for several reasons. The first is that she actually enjoys correcting the error of my ways and seeing me suffer for my failings. Not in a nasty sadistic way – but in a way that it my suffering atones for upsetting her or disappointing her.

and in suffering she enjoys the effect of ‘mothering’ me as she calls it – taking care of my needs and caring from me in my suffering.

Secondly we’ve both realize some time ago that corporal punishment is such an effective way of clearing the air – and is one of the reasons she was so keen to use it in the first place because she could appreciate the effect it had on me (to bring me back in line to accept her authority) and also the effect she felt in disciplining me.

And thirdly, Mistress started caning me because she knew I had a ‘need’ to feel the cane from time to time. At first it was playful, but as Mistress become more adept with the cane, and grew with confidence in her authoritarian role, she began to see the benefits of the cane as an instrument for correction of real issues. I was the one who suggest a DD regime – but it was her who fully embraced it and generally administers her discipline with great gusto. 

My conclusion was that our DD regime is likely to remain in place - but if Mistress suddenly decided to hang up her cane for good, would I have any say? That would be very unlikely.

Then I asked Mistress for her thoughts. “From past experience we both know domestic discipline without the ultimate sanction of corporal punihsment won’t work,” she said. “You just don’t respond in the right way without it and need a good dose of the cane to remind you who is boss.

“I’ve accepted you are just not a very good submissive. You just play at it and without the regular corporal punishment, I don’t think our DD would last five minutes.

“If you were a true submissive and really wanted to please me, you would be much more attentive to my needs. But that’s not you.

“Without DD our relationship would be very ordinary and I can see when things are lax in the discipline department, how you gradually become more and more overbearing and lazy, totally forgetting your place. So I would be the loser in the relationship. That’s not going to happen. I like having you just where you are.

“But I think we can improve your attitude considerably yet with the training we have. If not, then you will always have a sore bottom because I’m not about to hang up my cane!”

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

The cane before breakfast

If there’s anything worse than being caned, it’s being caned first thing in the morning.

One minute you’re snuggled up cosy in bed next to Mistress, discussing our FLR regime, the next minute she’s turned on you and said: “What did I tell you about dribbling on me? Go and get the cane. Now!”

You roll out of bed, struggle to stand upright and get your balance. Your eyes are all bleary, your mouth is dry and aching for a resuscitating coffee - but your heart now is racing.

You unlock the wardrobe door and the sickly sweet aroma of stored pvc and rubber clothing hits you, offering a small antidote of pleasure to the pain you are about to endure.

You extract two canes , one thick, one thin, from the rack and return to the bedroom, head bowed, awaiting the inevitable.

By now, Mistress is out of bed, still naked, but eagerly holding her hand out to receive the canes. As you offer them, red handles first, she tells you to lay face down on the dense foam fitness roller she bought, especially for raising my bottom off the bed.

“First of all, I told you not to thrust that thing against my thigh. But you went ahead and continued to do it and dribbled all over me. But that’s only a minor thing. You general attitude these last few days has been disgusting. You want a Female Led Relationship? Then it’s time you remembered that you show respect all day, every day. Just because I don’t happen to be behaving in an authoritarian manner every minute doesn’t give you the right to slacken off.”

“Yes Mistress.”

It goes quiet for a split second before the cane lashes down. She’s using the thin cane with some force. You count a dozen in your head but they keep coming and you’ve got hold of the duvet cover so tight, your hands ache. But nowhere near as badly as your bottom.

She changes canes and the thick cane really starts to pack a wallop that gets involuntary yells from you as the furious strokes come faster and faster until they reach a crescendo.

“Downstairs now. Make my breakfast.”

You waste no time in jumping off the bed, fearful of earning more strokes. Pull on your plastic pants – the cool pvc is a delight against the burning hot flesh - then scurry downstairs to prepare breakfast. Your bottom is on fire but at least it’s over now. Or so you think.

Mistress, now dressed comes into the kitchen with the thin cane. She obviously catches the moment on your face of despair as you see the thin rod flexing between her fingers. She smiles – but it’s a knowing smile that she has the upper hand of power.

“Front room, over the leather stool.”

You do as directed, pulling your plastic pants back down to offer the target area. And then it starts again.

This time it’s not your bottom getting it. Stroke after stroke whips into the sit spot at the top of your thighs. After 12 you start pleading but she gives you 18. All of them in a band of about two inches of flesh. And then it’s over.

You’re told to stand and face her. Your shaking still. And sweating. She looks stern but as lovely as ever as she recites the chores for the day. You kneel and kiss her heels as instructed and then she’s gone out the door for her business appointment.

It’s one of those days where Mistress knows everyone of those chores – and more – will be done by the time she gets back tonight. Risking another session with her cane, on top of what you’ve just had is something you will desperately try to avoid at all costs.