I had my appointment with the cane last night and it was probably the worst thrashing I’ve ever experienced.
When I saw the mood Mistress came home in I knew I was going to suffer. She wasn’t angry – just in a very determined and aggressive mood, the like of which I’ve rarely seen in her. But when I do, I know to watch out.
There was no lecture, in fact virtually nothing was said apart from the order to bend over the bench which I’d readied.
But I was in a determined mood too. I wanted to get through what ever was coming with the minimum of fuss. The punishment, I told myself was thoroughly warranted and for once I was going to take it manfully.
Mistress broke that resolve within a few seconds. My punishment began with 12 strokes of the thick delrin cane we recently bought. By six of her full-blooded strokes I was begging for her to stop. The effects of this cane are like an amplified version of the thick Dragon – incredible thud with an intense sting that just keeps burning. Normally my whining would result in her just taking the edge off the force of each stroke – but not this time.
By the end of the 12 strokes I was whimpering and begging to be released and sweat was pouring off me.
Next came the thin Dragon. Again full force and virtually no respite between each batch of six. She gave me 24 in total and all through it I was begging for her to stop.
Mistress released me from the bench and told me I’d need to go and attend to my bottom, as there was blood.
And she added: “You are such a wimp. I’ve not even used full force on you yet. I was only just starting out too but clearly your weeks without discipline have let you soften up. Pack everything away. I’ve had enough of your wimpering. We’ll continue this some other time.”
She was right of course.
Rather than giving us both the emotional post -punishment high I think we were both deflated. Me, from failing miserably in my resolve. Her, for giving into to my wimpering once again.
I was really down afterwards and Mistress took my moping personally but I explained I was disappointed in myself for the way I behaved – not disappointed in her application of the cane, which I said, had been perfect. She told me not to worry, I’d have a chance to redeem myself over the next few days. She hadn’t finished with her canes.
Strangely, I felt good about that because I feared she’d had enough of my stupid ways. I think that underlines the issues I have with this whole CP thing. The pain was horrible this time – yet her I was fearing I might not experience it again.
Later in bed we cuddled up and I thanked Mistress for punishing me so effectively. She thought I was being insincere but I explained that I felt much happier now – closer to her, now that I’d had a chance to take in the experience and think about things. Truth was, I’d suddenly realized how significant the evening’s experience had been.
For years I’d wondered what it would be like to be caned way beyond my limits. It was always a goal of my to experience that. I don’t mean just pushing the limits a little – I mean where you truly don’t have any control and just have to take what’s coming. Tonight’s experience was just that. It felt quite brutal – though I’m sure Mistress’ can strokes were well measured and they were certainly accurate - yet despite Mistress’ protestations that she wasn’t using full force, she’s never drawn blood like she did in that session.
And while I didn’t enjoy the experience itself, I explained to Mistress that I was now feeling much more malleable to her authority again. I said it felt like the cane had once again worked it’s magic.
But that’s not to say there weren’t issues. For one thing our ‘bench’ - a low, folding ladder – is far from ideal. I’m just not secured properly which allows me too much movement – to the point where it’s possible to almost stand upright mid-punishment.
I recall a professional disciplinarian once telling me how important she felt it was for her submissives to be comfortable over the bench, securely fastened. That way, she said, ‘they can focus fully on the punishment.’
I told Mistress this and she added, ‘and what’s more, it would leave the Mistress to focus on apply the cane with maximum force.’ We really must get something sorted.”