Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Bedtime DD discussion


I’ve escaped the cane for a few days now. The last time I was punished was over a week ago for being disrespectful to Mistress, who said I was so out of order that I earned myself six black marks straight off. Six black marks equals 36 strokes of the cane. And she administered the punishment caning on the spot – some strokes with the thin Dragon, some with that awful thick synthentic cane.

It wasn’t pleasant. Mistress is continuing to maintain a very severe line with me, but it was totally justified and I willingly accepted my fate.

Since then things have been on an even keel, though I’m honest enough to acknowledge that’s partly due to both of us having spent time working away. When I’ve been at home though I’ve taken great care to see that most of my chores are done and, more importantly, I’ve been paying plenty of attention to Mistress and her needs.

Neither of us have commented on our DD regime much in recent days, although Mistress did warn me in bed this morning that I had better watch my step because she had noticed my behaviour slipping again.

Mistress had been restless in bed all night and it was about 5.00am when she suddenly said: “Did you put the bin out last night?”

My heart sunk.

“No Mistress. I forgot.”

“Well, off you go then.”

I thought better than to argue and wearily got out of bed, got dressed and went to put the waste bin out as instructed. I’m not sure what the neighbours must have thought if they heard at the wheels clattering down the drive at the unearthly hour, but I suspect Mistress might have had a wry grin as she savoured the power she has over me.

When I got back to the bedroom, I remembered to ask permission to get back into bed, which was duly granted. But then, as I snuggled warm again, Mistress added: “I did notice that the washing wasn’t done before we came to bed last night.”

My stomach churned as I half expected the next instruction would be to either go and do the washing up or fetch the cane – or even worse I’d be awarded two black marks, one for the bin, one for the washing up. 

But maybe Mistress was less awake than I thought and I escaped both.

We were cuddled up close and I’m sure Mistress was able to feel my racing heart and ragged breathing.

But then she added: “I’m not happy with you. You know the rules, yet you are starting to slacken again. You are such a naughty boi and you know what will happen if you don’t buck your ideas up?”

“Yes Mistress.”

With that, I was pushed away to the other side of our king-size bed to allow Mistress space to settle. As she drifted back to sleep I was left wide awake on the very edge of the bed, wondering how long it would be before Mistress reacquainted my poor bottom with the cane.

Sunday, 16 February 2014

Our new DD charter


I’m not sure I’ve ever had a more intense discussion with Mistress, as the one following Die Starke Frau’s comments about our DD relationship.

I think the opinions voiced gave Mistress confidence to really let her feelings known about the state of our DD regime and she didn’t hold back in tell me how it was – and how it’s going to be.
The conclusion though was that she offered me several options in which to take our DD regime:

That we continue DD - but entirely on her terms
We set a monthly maintenance punishment date
She books an appointment for me to see a professional disciplinarian
We cancel DD completely, destroy all our punishment implements and no word will be spoken of DD in the house again.

She told me that I had to give her my decision on Saturday at 11.00am.

The last option was unthinkable on my part since Mistress knows that I still have a ‘need’. But I realize that ‘need’ is still too much on my terms.

I could never see Mistress booking me to see a professional disciplinarian –an exciting fantasy though it is (Mistress later told me that she felt me refusing punishment was because she ‘didn’t do it right’ so maybe I needed to be dealt with by a professional).

And I couldn’t see how monthly maintenance would work, when we couldn’t get it to work weekly.
At least the first option meant there was some kind of corrective process in place – and, if I’m honest, it was the only real option to consider. I think Mistress knew this. 

So yesterday at 11.00, I went to the living room, appropriately dressed and asked permission to speak with Mistress.

Mistress pointed at the naughty stool and told me to sit before her.

“Well?”

“Please Mistress I’d like to continue our DD entirely on your terms.”

“And why do you think that you will be any more able to accept my authority than you have in the past?”

“I need to try harder Mistress. I’m not saying I’ll be perfect, but I am going to try my utmost to please you Mistress. I know I have caused undue stress in our relationship by refusing your authority Mistress. I’ll try very hard not to let that happen again. ”

“You understand that I will be a lot stricter in future and that you will remember your submissive role at all times – and I mean all times? And that there will be no dissent?”

“Yes Mistress.” 

“Very well. Your task now is to go and write the set of rules we discussed previously. And I want you to prepare a contract that we will both sign. You have one hour. Then we will discuss the rules thoroughly once again to make sure we are both very clear of our roles.

“Yes Mistress.”

As you can see below, there’s a basic set of rules I have to abide, our ‘DD Charter’ and the contract I found on Loving DD and adapted to suit us.

An hour later I was on the naughty stool again, reading the rules for Mistress’ approval.

As you can see below, at Mistress’ behest we now have two types of punishments, Judicial and Summary. The Summary punishment is for lesser offences and I can be punished immediately.

The Judicial punishment is something much more to be feared and operates under a system of demerits or ‘black marks’ for any serious offences. Each black mark is worth six strokes of the cane. After collecting six black marks, I’m due the cane – but Mistress can wait until I have ten black marks and deliver all 60 strokes in one ‘sitting.’

I didn’t have to wait long for my first taste of the new Judicial punishment. Mistress had already totted up six black marks in recent days and, as soon as we had completed our discussion, sent me to fetch the Judicial canes.

The punishment was as expected, quite severe, especially as Mistress used the new, heavy, synthetic cane for six of the strokes. Half way through the punishment I felt myself start whimpering but, apart from telling me to keep quite, it made no difference to my punishment. Mistress was in a determined mood with the cane and didn’t back off one bit.

After the final stroke, and while I was still fastened to the bench, she bent forward to whisper in my ear: “Most of those strokes were as hard as I could manage. I’m delighted with my accuracy at full force. Your stripes are a lovely colour and perfectly parallel. Are you happy?”

“Yes Mistress. Thank you for punishing me.”

Later we talked over the entire ritual and I asked Mistress if she was pleased I’d chosen to continue our DD. “Of course I am. It’s something you need. Without it you are quite over bearing and obnoxious at times. I think the cane helps you remember your place.”

“You suggested sending me to see someone else?”

“You have experience of professionals and, with you keeping trying to buck the system we have, I get the feeling I’m not doing something right. I wondered if you might be better going to see someone else and let them punish you. At least then you would have some kind of comparison and we could maybe learn from it?”

I was surprised at the idea. I told Mistress it might be a nice fantasy for her to take me to someone and witness a punishment but the reality didn’t really interest me.

I explained to Mistress how detached it is seeing a professional. It used to fulfill a need in me but that was it. There’s no feeling of being punished for real faults as there is with our DD. And, most important, there’s no loving emotion involved like there is between us.

I think that reassure Mistress so I had to ask, “do you enjoy disciplining me Mistress?”

Mistress smiled and said: “I enjoy keeping you in your place. And I enjoy it when I’m really accurate with the cane.”

I can feel the pride Mistress takes when she’s laid on a good set of strokes – and I could tell she really loved the dark red, almost black stripes she left carved across my bottom today. She’s inspected my bottom three times since punishment. Normally it’s just the once, straight after I’m released from the bench.

But how do I feel? Incredibly happy, and totally indulgent in my submissive role. I know Mistress will be happy that I’m both submissive and will bend to her will – and she’ll love it that I’m also scared, because, as she said recently, she enjoys seeing that vulnerability in me.

There’s also relief we’ve managed to overcome another blip in our DD - but I’m only too aware that these past few days, with all the DD discussion, has heightened my submissive tendencies. I just hope that when I’m not in that mindset I can still find it in me to submit to Mistress in a way she will expect.


DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE CHARTER (Feb 15, 2014)

Domestic Discipline rules apply at all times.

All rules and disciplinary actions are at the discretion of Mistress and are non-negotiable.

The hours of 8.30am until 5.30pm, Monday to Friday are observed as ‘Working Hours’ when both parties work independently and can focus on their respective employment. Any Working Hours outside of this must be negotiated with Mistress.

The hours of 5.31pm until 8.29am, Monday to Friday, are the hours of Service. Saturdays and Sundays are also days of Service.

Any outside activities, during the hours of Service, must be sanctioned by Mistress.

During Service an appropriate PVC uniform must be worn unless otherwise instructed by Mistress.

There will be two distinct types of punishment. Judicial and Summary.

Judicial Punishment is for serious offences (ie showing dissent, being disrespectful) and will be determined by a demerit system. A ‘Black Mark’ demerit will be awarded for any offence committed. Black marks are non-negotiable. Each black mark equals 6 strokes of the cane. Mistress may award more than one black mark in the case of a serious offense. The maximum limit to the number of black marks that can be allotted to one offense is 10. Black marks will be recorded on the kitchen chalk-board.

Mistress may administer Judicial Punishment any time between a minimum six black marks (36 strokes) up to a maximum of 10 black marks (60 strokes). The only canes used for Judicial Punishment are either of the two Dragon canes or the thick black synthetic cane. Strokes delivered with consistent force. No ‘soft’ strokes are permitted. Strokes will be applied with an interval of 5s minimum, 10s maximum with no longer breaks permitted. The recipient will be bound over the bench for punishment. Punishment may only be applied to the bared bottom and tops of thighs.

Summary Punishment is for minor offences (anything that doesn’t fit into the judicial category) and may be corporal or non-corporal. The method of Summary Punishment is entirely at Mistress’ discretion but must be administered on the same day of the offence. Any implement not used in Judicial Punishment may be used. Punishment may be applied to bare bottom, backs of legs, fronts of thighs, back, and hands – depending on implement used. Non-corporal punishments include: corner time, line writing, apology letters, humiliation clothing, withdrawl of privileges may also be awarded.  


DOMESTIC DISCIPLINE CONTRACT

This is the Domestic Discipline Contract between Mistress and boi. This contract is binding as long as both parties agree to all of the terms set out above. This contract expires and can be renewed one year after signing and agreeing to its conditions by both parties. By signing this document, parties agree to hold one another accountable and to in no way take advantage or legal action on the basis of fraud, abuse, or any other legal issue.

I, Mistress, hereby agree to uphold our Domestic Discipline charter, as specified in the DD Rules (Feb 15, 2014) attached.

I accept my responsibility to uphold the discipline in our relationship at all times and to carry out any corrective measures that may be required in a fair and consistent manner.


……………………………………..
Mistress


I, boi, hereby agree to our Domestic Discipline charter, as specified in the DD Rules (Feb 14, 2014) attached.

I accept my responsibility to abide by the Domestic Discipline rules of our relationship at all times and accept, without question, any corrective measures that Mistress sees fit to impose on me.


……………………………………
boi


HOUSE RULES


The three tenants

I must never say no to Mistress

I must never question Mistress

I will show respect to Mistress at all times


Domestic chores

Hand Mistress her house-robe first thing in morning.

Make the bed every morning

All washing up to be completed by end of evening

Leave toilet seat down

Prepare all meals

Never leave fridge door open longer than necessary

All internal doors to be closed on leaving house

Keep Mistress’ boots polished

All housework as directed by Mistress

Other chores as directed by Mistress

Friday, 14 February 2014

Maintaining a submissive role


After the third blog post in our Boot Camp review, lawyer8, who used to write an excellent blog called Die Starke Frau (The Strong Woman), made some comments in reference to our DD regime and my attitude towards it.

I thought it might be interesting to air her views in a new blog post, rather than reply in the comments box. And I canvassed Mistress for her response too.


Die Starke Frau said: “I just want to add a short comment from a female point of view.
I know it is not a topic that is often discussed in the F/m internet world, but I want to make you aware of a aspect that you don’t seem to fully understand.
You keep saying over and over that you want to have this femdom relationship. And your partner is more or less giving you what you want. It is natural that you make mistakes once in a while and it is natural that she makes mistakes too. Only, my point is, if you guys are in a DD ‘scene’, or when you are having a time when domestic discipline is very present in the relationship, if during one of these occasions you deny her your submissiveness or your dedication or your effort to please her, it is pretty much a slap in her face.

“Being a dominant woman and being not respected in the dominant role is a terrible feeling. I mean: She loves you, she wants you happy, you want her to be dominant and she is even enjoying being dominant with you. But what is she supposed to do if you don’t stick to the submissive part?

“In real life, she cannot actually blister your butt raw constantly. Plus, she loves you, she probably does not want to actually ‘force’ you to do something.
My point is: be careful if falling out of the submissive role is really worth it. From my experience: if a man does that, it is really emotionally hurtful for the then wannabe dominant woman.”


Thank you Die Starke Frau for your thought-provoking insight.  I related your comments to Mistress and she agree totally with your observation.

“The Lady is right,” she said. “There’s nothing worse than for me to adopt the role you wanted me to take and then have you totally ignore me. Imagine how it makes me feel and how much it damages my confidence.

“The submission has to come from you - from your willingness to please me. That’s what you say you want to do but you always want to be submissive on your terms and that’s not how it works. From now on you either agree to total submission or nothing.

“I can punish your faults but I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to. Every time you want to slip back to your old self, and refuse to accept my dominance, it knocks my confidence and I end up wondering why I bother.

“You really need to focus on what you want. You keep saying you want me to be strict, but I warn you now: You had better prepare yourself for the consequences because in future I intend to be far more strict than you can imagine. If we continue with this, I intend to play my role to the best of my ability and that means not letting you get away with a single thing in future.

“But you need to decide. If you wish for me to remain your Mistress then we do it my way. If not, we empty the wardrobe of everything – canes, whips, pvc clothing, and nothing is mentioned on the subject again.”

I’m not sure either of us would enjoy a relationship without any form of DD regime but I can understand Mistress’ frustrations.

Even after Boot Camp weekend, it only took Die Starke Frau’s comments to highlight the issues we face.

Of course, it is a really poor on my part not to show my respect for Mistress at all times and it’s something we’re working hard to eradicate. I genuinely feel bad when I let Mistress down like I do. I also feel like I’ve let myself down too.

Although I’m the one who initially wanted this lifestyle, I’m also the one who struggles the most with adapting to my submissive role 24/7. I find I can be 100% submissive over a weekend period. I make mistakes, which I’m punished for, but generally I think I please Mistress.

However, as soon as I also have to cope with the pressures of work, it’s like I can’t cope with my submissive role and switch off from considering Mistress’ needs or demands. It’s those time that I refuse to accept her authority. 

We’re working to overcome this, by Mistress maintaining her strict authority at all times (in the short term) and punishing me accordingly.

None of it really makes sense, since, far from being forced to do something I don’t want to do, I desperately want to embrace Mistress’ authority but there’s just this hurdle of outside influences, somehow preventing me from just accepting  our respective roles.

I can’t explain exactly what happens but suddenly I find myself non-compliant as something else takes precedence and no matter how had Mistress tries, this is when I reject her authority.

The plus point is that we’ve reached the point in our relationship where Mistress really enjoys her position and has gained the confidence not to yield. She told me at the weekend that I had better learn to accept what she says because I will rue the consequences and she has no intention of backing down anymore. Her comments about how strict she was going to become were quite unnerving.

I can see how much my refusal to accept Mistress’ authority can be hurtful – especially when she has worked so hard to grow into her role. And I’m aware it causes unnecessary friction in the house when I misbehave.

I’m trying to overcome my natural reaction to focus on work first and feel a shift in me not because of the constant threat of punishment that I’m now under, but because I really want to please Mistress and make her happy . I do believe things are improving, though we still have some way to go.

The recent discussions with Mistress and her willingness to push me with a very much stricter regime, seems to be having a positive effect. I do feel like a child at times – in need of discipline. But the bad thing is I behave like a child too and just do as I please.

As Die Starke Frau suggested, I need to try a lot harder to please Mistress. And it needs to be a 100% commitment on my part. The option is no DD and that would be unthinkable. 

Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Boot Camp Day Three


Sunday was interesting. I was due to meet a friend for a beer before lunch but Mistress informed me the night before that if this was going to happen, I’d have to be on my best behaviour.

She said that any misbehavior on Sunday morning would result in a black mark, three black marks and I’d have to call my friend and cancel. Plus each black mark would warrant the cane.

Mistress managed to award two black marks – one for huffing when told to put some clothes away and another for showing dissent when we were doing some work in the garden. I got away lightly for the second offense with just six strokes. Dissent is a big no, no usually.

So it was touch and go whether I’d go out but I scrapped through and was allowed to see my friend – but only after I’d been caned for the two black marks I’d earned.

After what seemed like a successful weekend, Sunday evening things went awry. Mistress said she’d cook tea, a Sunday roast, which to be honest is one meal I’m hopeless at. So I left her to it while I got on with some of my own work.

Mistress served tea, but once the meal was finished she gave me a stern look.

“You’ve let your self down badly haven’t you?”

“Mistress?”

“You heard me and know exactly what I mean. You sat down while I cooked tea, while I served it – and then continued to sit there while I took the plate to the kitchen and served pudding, and brought it to you!”

“You said you were going to get tea Mistress.”

“You don’t see it do you?

By now I could see Mistress was very upset.

“You could have come and helped serve dinner. You certainly should have taken the plates to the kitchen and served pudding. I thought I’d just see exactly where we are at and it’s obvious to me, you have learned nothing this weekend.

“Not only that you sit there and behave like you don’t know what I’m talking about when you know damn-well where you have let yourself down. You don’t even offer an apology! What happened to this submissive male you claim to be? You can’t turn it on and off when you like. Domestic discipline is 24/7 boi.”

Being called boi is the ultimate term Mistress uses to put me in my place.

“I’m sorry Mistress.” It was too little, too late.

“You will be. I want a cup of tea. Then you can do the washing up. When you’ve finished that, go and do your work. I don’t want to see you the rest of the evening. I’m watching my favourite TV programme now. We’ll discuss your punishment later.

I expected the cane but after Mistress finished watching TV she felt tired and decided to go to bed. I got another lecture in bed and was told I’d be punished on Monday (today) but that I also had to put my thoughts in writing on how we should progress our DD after Boot Camp.

“We can discuss how we are going to go forward from the weekend before I thrash you tomorrow night,” Mistress said before turning over and going to sleep.

That left me contemplating my pathetic failure.

Most of the weekend had gone better than either of us could have imagined. Mistress had been stricter than I’d ever known and while I’d been punished for every tiny mistake, I thought we were definitely both more focused on each other and were moving forward.

Far from hating her for the harsh treatment, I found myself quite in awe of this woman, wanting to hug and kiss and thank her at every opportunity. I felt we were really close and perhaps there was something in what she said about me being vulnerable. Maybe those were the feelings I was having and, that need to cling to her for reassurance, was actually an expression of love flooding out. In the same way vulnerability made Mistress want to care for me?

But once again, I’d failed just when I should have embraced the situation. And the more I lie there thinking about, the more I hated myself. 

Mistress was right of course, I should have pitched in to help with tea but after a long weekend, I’d lapsed into my old self. At that moment I felt like a wretched child who knows he’s not only broken the rules, but let himself down badly.

It was a failing but I hope it’s issue that can be resolved. It’s all about attitude and training.