Friday, 3 January 2014

The prospect of a DD new year

Happy New Year to everyone.

Mistress and I have enjoyed a very interesting festive DD period. It all started Christmas Eve when Mistress decided to cane me as a late birthday present. It had become customary for me to get the allotted number of years in cane strokes from Mistress on my birthday but those pesky outside influences put paid to that this year. It was probably as well since the high fifties in cane strokes gets pretty painful! 

Having said that, I was a little disappointed that the day had come and gone without the usual CP session. Frustrated I think is the word because I’d expected the worst. Prepared mentally for it. Then nothing happened. But I accepted it as part of Mistress taking control and deciding when she wanted to use CP and me when I felt a need.

Instead, quite unexpectedly, I got a token few strokes on Christmas Eve – just to remind me of who is in charge - but things got far more serious on Christmas Day before we had even got out of bed.
I committed the cardinal sin of setting the alarm. Well that’s not the sin. The sin is turning over and going back to sleep. After the third snooze alarm Mistress ordered me to fetch the leather paddle. So there I was, Christmas Day morning, barely awake getting a good walloping before we’d left the bedroom. And she didn’t spare me.

The rest of the day and Boxing Day was family time, then we went away for a few days holiday which gave Mistress and I plenty of time to chill out and, as usually happens when we just have ‘us time’, we end up including our DD regime in our many chats while walking miles..

We had a lovely holiday with evenings spent with me serving Mistress – and getting several doses of the Loopy Johnny whip (silent but very deadly in the hotel room situation) to keep me focused and it proved once again how much we both needed DD. But we decided to save the big discussion and real decision making on our 2014 plans for New Year’s Eve when we got back home.

We’ve long since lost interest in the usual party excesses and New Year’s Eve has traditionally been a time for our own little party clothes and games – usually involving shiny pvc outfits and corporal punishment forfeits for me!

This year though, as I said, we decided to sit down and have along talk about our DD regime. I had to sit at her feet by the way!

Mistress invited me to draw up a series of questions linking everything to our lifestyle. The two most pertinent being; ‘is there a difference between our vanilla (please excuse that horrible term) relationship and our DD regime – or should they be one of the same?’

And, if we agreed it was one of the same, ‘how do we ensure we retain the happy, loving, and fun side of our relationship while employing a strict 24/7 DD lifestyle?’

We spent most of the evening talking over the many facets of the regime and decided that yes, we need DD in our relationship and that 2013 had been pretty sketchy on the discipline front, which then impinged on our ‘vanilla’ lives. 

We agreed there was too much expectation from both sides and the maintenance element put too many demands on Mistress (which I blogged about some time ago).

Not only that, I’d refused to accept punishment on a couple of occasions (which I’ve also blogged about) and our DD lifestyle just petered out – even though we both accept it’s an important part of us.
I asked Mistress if we really needed DD in our lives at all and she said, “I don’t but I’m damn sure you do. It’s a sure fire way of reminding you of your place.”

It was quite a humbling experience with Mistress detailing my many failings - and my inability to accept her discipline.

We agreed therefore that DD should not be a separate little compartment in our relationship that we get ourselves into roles to deal with issues, but that it should be incorporated into our every day lives.
Mistress said: “You seem to think that you can do as you like. You are disobedient, disrespectful and have too many moody moments and then think you can have a few strokes of the cane – which you enjoy - and everything is all right. Well it’s not.

“You need much more focus, everyday – not just when you feel it’s time to fulfill your need for a caning. In future, if we are to continue, you will take punishment when I say – whether you are in the mood or not, whether you are busy or not. If I say it’s punishment time you will do as you are told. A good caning takes no more than 30 minutes. You can carry on work afterwards. And if the mood doesn’t take you, well that’s tough.”

Mistress however was also concerned that it was not her nature to adopt a stern attitude 24/7, and she might find such a situation too stressful – even though she agreed it was 100% needed.

I offered the analogy of the bygone era where CP was prevalent with parents, teachers, borstal staff, prison officers not sparing the rod. Everyone still lived normal lives between punishment times. In families particularly, it was only when CP was merited that demeanors changed.

Mistress agreed that my behavior bordered on that of a child at times and said she would be only too happy to punish me as and when she felt it was necessary if future – and said that each situation would be dealt with there and then – or as near to the incident as possible. Provided of course I accepted her discipline 100% of the time.

She pointed out the folly of totting up demerits or maintenance punishment and preferred instead to correct faults as they occurred. She said punishment would not be negotiable in future.

The other issue we dealt with was separating work and our social life from our private lives and both agreed that DD could not impinge on either of our working or social lives. The solution Mistress offered was that she would simply say to me, in public if need be, ‘we’ll sort this out later’ as a key for to stop behaving like a jack-ass. And I’d face the consequences later. 

I accepted her terms, though we both voiced concerns over my apparent inability to fully embrace the rules in the past. Only time will tell if we can make things work better in future.

Mistress also put some time limits on my blogging and personal computer use – I now have to ask permission first to go online. She’s also taking control of my finances by keeping my credit card and only permitting me a weekly allowance. We both have been spending far too much money on frivolous luxury goods and even Mistress asked for some help in controlling her spending. In a pertinent show of our different positions, where I have to ask permission to spend money and for my credit card to do so, we will only discuss Mistress’ spending while she retains the freedom to do as she wishes.

At the end of the discussion Mistress sent me to the computer room to type up the bullet points from the evening. They are added below. We’ll be keeping them to refer back to as the year progresses.

We both feel it was a worthwhile discussion. It cleared the air over our difficult last few months of a flagging DD regime and gave use both confidence that we can move forward in 2014 in a much more positive vein.

It’s still down to me to accept Mistress’ authority 24/7 without question. That’s the challenge and, while I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions, I’d say that’s the one thing I’ll focus on in 2014.

And how did we embrace these new ideas and welcome in 2014? I was tied face down to an old Victorian style bench we had recently bought and given a thorough caning of course. Mistress said it was her way of starting 2014 as she means to go on.
Be careful what you wish for.

Bullet points from our DD discussion

To avoid the confusion of our regular relationship and a DD regime working in parallel, the DD aspect will become part of our everyday lives.

The key areas for improvement in g are his obedience and respect towards Mistress and overcoming his moody behavior. He also needs to put his own interests to one side when Mistress demands.

Our DD regime cannot cross over into our working lives. Instead, we’ll adopt a ‘let’s talk about this later’ policy over any issues that arise in working hours. The matter will be dealt with as soon as possible after working hours.

Should the need arise, Mistress will instigate Boot Camp weekends during the year to help re-affirm all aspects of our DD relationship.

To ensure ‘punishment fits the crime’, Mistress tasked g to investigate alternative punishments used by other DD couples that can be employed where lesser punishments are required. The thin Dragon cane, however, remains the ultimate sanction for serious offences – with a minimum of 36 strokes if the offence is deemed serious enough to demand the thin Dragon – but with no upper limit on strokes.

Mistress pointed out the big responsibility on her shoulders to maintain strict discipline and emphasized the need for improved communication on both sides - and a need for ‘our own space’ while working within the confines of the DD regime.

g will be required to justify why he is staying up late when he asks permission to go to bed later than Mistress.

g will be given a weekly allowance and will not be permitted to use his credit card or Pay Pal without permission for luxury goods from Mistress.


  1. g, what a wonderful example of consciously addressing the real questions that come with real relationships like ours. Thank you, and your Mistress, for the illustration. And best wishes for your main challenge of accepting her decrees and punishments as they come. I know you are able to do it, one day at a time.

    In furtherance of your investigative task, I'll mention my Wife's most effective non-spanking punishment is to require me to sleep on the floor. When that happens I know I've not just broken a rule but displayed insensitivity, done something that injures our intimacy and trust. I've been given many lines assignments as well, using grade school cursive style penmanship. That's a time sponge, the assignment must be completed before any discretionary, fun-for-me things I might want to do. 500 lines of a 10 word sentence is a significant bunch of writing.

    What is a Boot Camp weekend like?

    May 2014 be a wonderful year for us all!

  2. WhMs: Thanks for the suggestions. I’ll pass them on to Mistress when I have completed my research task and doubtless reveal the details in a future blog post. gk