Friday, 31 January 2014

Corporal Punishment research for Mistress

 Mistress had ordered me to try and explain why I feel a need to be caned; why I don’t like actually being caned; yet why its important that there’s a level of severity when I’m punished. She instructed me to write an essay to explain everything in detail.

As you know I’m fascinated by the cane and have been since I was a child – but I always had a fear of being on the receiving end because of not knowing how I would take my punishment.

As an adult, and able to explore my fantasies, it was always important to me that the punishment was as realistic as possible – even though I’ve never shaken off that inherent fear of corporal punishment. It’s a strange dichotomy.

I always thought that if an adult  is to suffer corporal punishment as a means to correct faults, then for it to be effective that adult had to suffer beyond the limits that he or she could endure comfortably. In other words – I felt a need to suffer fro my sins.

However, while some of my appointments resulted in quite severe punishments, nothing ever felt real until Mistress began to punish me.

I think it works like this because a) I am caned now with love; b) I’m caned for what we think are real faults; c) Theoretically, I have no control over the situation anymore and d) Even though Mistress might not cane as hard as some people I have previously seen, he technique of allowing little time between strokes is far more punishing.

So I set out to answer Mistress’ questions and below is the information I will pass on to her during out discussion.

Why the need for Corporal Punishment?
As I’ve said before, I think it’s a good way of keeping a balance in our relationship and to stop me becoming moody or offish towards you.

Both of us have traits or mannerisms that annoy each other. I don’t know how this affects you, because you seem to put up with me as I am and rarely – if ever - complain.

I’m not going to say what annoys me because in reality it’s all so insignificant that it’s laughable and I’d hate for you to try and change – or worry about anything. However, it seems like if I’m in the wrong mood I get more and more annoyed with certain things that you do or say – or, in some cases, don’t do. These mood changes can happen in a matter of seconds or build up over days but there’s no rhyme nor reason why things suddenly go this way.

I’ve theorised that it could coincide with a time when I begin to feel a need for the cane and there’s something in me that uses your traits as an excuse to behave badly – but I don’t think that’s true.
What’s interesting though is that I am generally in one of these moods when you decide to cane me. Perhaps you detect these mood swings and decide to act up on them? Or maybe my mood swing just annoys you to the point where you feel a need to cane me?

Why a need for ‘severity’?
What happens after I’ve been caned properly (hard) is that I feel like I’ve been cleansed. It’s like having a weight lifted off my shoulders and I feel euphoric. Things like your traits I’ve mentioned that annoy, just wash over me and are no longer an issue. This feeling might only last a day but it may last weeks – especially if the threat of further punishment is always there, and occasionally acted upon.

The severity of the punishment is absolutely critical to the process though. If I’m not punished to a level I know you are capable of and expect to suffer from you, I end up frustrated. Instead of cleansing my mood, it amplifies it so the tension between us is increased.

Why do I dread being caned?
Being caned is not a nice experience. It hurts considerably. I do get a sexual arousal thinking about the cane and in the lead up just a few moments before I bend over I might show signs of excitement but the actual caning – if delivered correctly - is very painful and a challenge to take and I get no satisfaction from it. I also get aroused later thinking about it when I’m blogging.

Also, your delivery method of the weekly maintenance canings was quite severe. In the rare times we managed to string along several weeks of punishments, I actually used to dread driving home on Thursdays because I knew it was time for another punishment.

However I viewed that as positive proof that our discipline regime was beginning to work since I would try to keep on my best behaviour to avoid further punishment. 

How should we progress?
I think the cane should be used to correct real faults – the serious ones. I think we both need to focus on which issues are serious enough to warrant punishment and deal with those accordingly.

I’d like you to be stricter with me. I know in the past you’ve said that if you were as strict as you really wanted to be, then I’d hate it. I think that might be the case short term but if we had an overall stricter approach we could both grow into it. My worst failings are my attitude, expenditure and masturbation. If we could focus on them it would help.

I’m aware I turn off discipline when I have work issues to worry about but I need your help to keep me in line. Please don’t let me get away with this in future. Our discipline regime will work only if you are stricter with me.

And that also means being caned when I’m not ‘in the mood’ to be caned. There’s no easy way to ensure this happens – only by insistence from you.

Using the cane effectively
I think the punishments need to be more severe. I don’t mean in terms of how hard you apply the cane. You are very effective. The issue is that you stop every six or 12 strokes and let me regain composure. When we started maintenance you used to give me 36 hard strokes without stopping and it was pure hell – but very effective as a punishment.  So I think any punishment should be delivered as a set pace (five seconds between strokes is the average – 10s would be maximum, 3s would be sheer hell if you really want me to suffer) with no deviation. And proper punishment should be no less than 36 strokes because I can just about survive 24 however delivered. That extra 12 or even more is when it becomes real punishment.

I will make a lot of noise because I’m a wimp. I even do it deliberately sometimes to get that breather. You have to remember that the minute the cane stops, the pain subsides and the punishing effect is over.

If I make too much noise we do have a gag. I know you don’t like using it but if it means you can deal out an uninterrupted punishment then it makes sense to use it.

Don’t be afraid of marking my bottom. If you cane properly it’s likely you’ll draw blood with as many as 36-50-100 strokes – but it’s only grazing and will heal. Last night put you off  - I could tell. If you do cut me, you’ll see the difference and that’s when to stop! If you paddle hard – in a way to punish - the bottom will turn black and blue too.

I can see now that maintenance was too contrived. I do however think that there is a need at present to pursue some kind of ‘boot camp’ period to reinforce our discipline regime. Both of us would have to show more commitment at all times. We might find that if this works well, we could keep it in place.

Other punishments?
Making me sleep in pvc pyjamas was an inspired idea. I love wearing pvc but on my terms. This wasn’t comfortable but very effective way of reminding me who is boss! I wouldn’t rule it out for future use. Making me stand out of the queue in the middle of the shop in Southwold when I was wearing my rubber raincoat had a humbling effect too. You asked me to come up with a list of alternative punishments. I’ve complied that list.

What can I do for you?
This has been all about what I want. But I want it so our relationship is stronger. But what are you looking for from the discipline side of our relationship? And what do you expect of me? I’m sure there is a lot to discuss.

Other DD relationships
My research into other DD relationships and how other dominant Ladies use corporal punishment to keep their men in line is on-going and will feature in my next blog post.

Thursday, 30 January 2014

Punishment and pvc pyjamas

Our DD regime is back on track like never before. It’s hard to put a finger on what exactly happened to change things so dramtically, because it’s been a bit of a whirlwind in our home since Christmas, with Mistress running a much stricter household.

In anything, it’s still me letting the side down by dissenting against the discipline code. Regulars to this blog will know his is nothing new but Mistress, to her credit, has started to come down hard on me when I’ve become the slightest bit rebellious and made me rue the folly of my bad attitude.
It’s uncanny how close we are at the moment it terms of our everyday relationship - and the only thing I can really say that’s changed is more attention to DD, which has in turn, spiced up our lives.

It’s all too easy to be complacent in a relationship. Typically, after work we had fallen into a very ordinary routine of making the evening meal, watching TV with very little conversation and then going to bed – often at different times with Mistress invariably in bed and asleep way before I venture upstairs.

But things are now very different. The discipline regime means Mistress is constantly reviewing my behavior. I’m constantly aware that I’m being scrutinized. I suppose you could say it gives us both a degree of focus but what it’s really done is spice up our home life in general and, what’s really interesting, is that we talk more. Of course, the conversation is often DD related – but we also spend a lot more time discussing other things too, which is rather nice. 

And even when we are quietly immersed in a TV programme, my relaxation is often rudely interrupted with the words, “I think it’s time for you to fetch the whip.” We then have a discussion about my faults that have annoyed Mistress and I am summarily punished.

Recently we were both going to bed when Mistress took a grim view after I made one of my flippant remarks. “Fetch the whip – now,” she commanded. I did so and was told lie face down on the bed where I got a couple of dozen swift cuts from the cane.

I thought I took them rather well but once we got into bed Mistress said: “I’m a bit worried about your discipline. It seems that I’m not being severe enough with you.”

“But you hurt me when you cane me – and it helps with my discipline.”

“I meant that your continued lack of a disciplined behaviour. You get away with far too much and it seems when I do punish you, it’s not enough of a deterrent. I don’t want to have to constantly cane you – though I’m sure you’d loved that. I need to know how we are going to move this forward so that we have an effective deterrent and you start behaving as a good submissive should – and starting thinking more how to please me. You have years of this discipline experience. We need to sort this out.”

“But Mistress that’s not really the case. I occasionally saw a professional disciplinarian. That wasn’t like being punished for real. It was just satisfying my ‘need’ for the cane.

In that situation you are always in control. And that’s the extent of my corporal punishment experience. What you are doing is like asking me to tell you how to punish me more severely and things you should do to improve my behavior, when surely that’s down to you?”

I was worried I’d overstepped the mark, questioning Mistress and, sure enough,  the response was very curt.

“I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. “I want you to write down why you feel the need for the cane, why you tell me you don’t actually like being caned and, why you always claim that it’s important to have a level of severity when you are punished. None of it makes sense at the moment.

“I also want you to do some research into how other couples who live this so called, ‘domestic discipline lifestyle.’ maintain proper discipline. No fantasy stuff. I want real facts.

“I also want a list of other corporal punishment options – and I want a list of non-corporal punishments options. Again, I don’t want your wildest fantasies. I want a list of real-world methods others use. Then we can sit down and discuss which ones I feel will work for us.

 “Yes Mistress.”

It wasn’t a prospect I was going to relish but it was a task I had to perform. It was rather nice, though, laying there, cuddled up in bed, having this conversation. Even though Mistress was quite assertive and I was really enjoying the feeling of submission, with my bottom still burning from the earlier whacking, we were hugged together in a loving embrace.

The post-caning excitement was still there too, with my nether regions protected from Mistress by my pvc punishment pants. I don’t normally wear them at night, but as we both jumped into bed straight after the punishment, I’d kept them on.

I thought we’d finished talking about DD when Mistress suddenly said: “I think it was a good idea you coming to bed with those pants on. At least you don’t dribble over me or my side of the bed like you normally do. In fact I think – as an extra punishment -  you should be wearing your pvc pyjamas.
I chuckled loudly at the thought of sleeping, fully clad in pvc. The idea was silly. Wasn’t it?

Mistress read my dissent correctly. “No, I’m serious,” she said. “Go and get them on.  I want you laying there, sweating, thinking about everything that I’ve said. And I don’t want you near me. You stay on your side of the bed. Touch me with that cold pvc and you are in big trouble.”

So I spent an uncomfortable night clad in pvc pyjamas. I love wearing them and my other PVC and rubber wear – but on my terms – usually in evenings relaxing. Trying to get some sleep in the sticky pvc proved virtually impossible. My brain was racing about the thought of our ever-intensifying DD. Plus I was sweating so profusely inside the pvc that I’d throw off my side of the duvet to cool down. Then the damp sweat turned cold so I was now freezing. A remembered a contact on FetLife telling me he spends every night wrapped in pvc clothing bondage at the behest of his dominant wife – but this once was enough for me.

I lie there for hours, alternating between being too hot and too cold, daring not to move too much for fear of waking Mistress.

At five in the morning she was, indeed, finally woken by the rustling pvc as I tossed and turned trying to get comfortable and sleep.

Instead of being angry at waking so early, she said: “You can take it off now. Did you enjoy the experience?”

“Thank you Mistress. No, I didn’t enjoy it. I couldn’t sleep Mistress.”

“Oh, I’m so pleased. That’ll be a very effective alternative punishment I can use in future then, wont it? I think you need to make me a list of all the pvc clothing in the wardrobe that will make suitable punishment sleepwear.”

“Yes Mistress. Thank you Mistress.”

Satisfied with my subdued, but respectful response, Mistress turned over and went back to sleep while I got up, stripped off the pvc and then went to the shower to wash off the rivers of sweat before re-joining her in bed.

It had been quite a night and, as I lie there, I contemplated how the fantasy world I had embraced for so long, was becoming more and more a rather intense reality – and how Mistress was really beginning to exploit her dominance in our relationship. And, at that moment, despite being deprived of a good night’s sleep, I could not have felt more content.

Monday, 6 January 2014

(non) Effective caning methods

My New Year’s Eve caning was an altogether different experience. Tied face down, flat on our new victorian-style bench allowed Mistress to cane me hard from both sides – allowing her to even out the marks on both bottom cheeks, instead of marking the right one heavier than the left. It’s something that’s annoyed her for a while.

I could tell from the whoosh and impact of the cane she was laying on the strokes quite hard but, strangely, her efforts were having little effect on me – where a similar large amount of strokes while bent over the bench we used to use would have had me begging for it to all end like a whimpering child.

On the contrary I was actually enjoying the experience and far from being a punishment, I was deriving such pleasure that I though if she doesn’t stop soon, I’m going to make a bit of a mess!

Mistress was quite annoyed not to have solicited any reaction from me – which is ironic since normally she’s constantly telling me to hush my moaning.

What’s more, where cane strokes normally leave ugly deep red and black weals, my bottom was covered only in in a red hue with mere hints of stripes.

Immediately afterwards we discussed exactly why the cane was suddenly having such little effect and the only explanation was, one, perhaps laying flat allows the buttocks to be more relaxed and soak up the pain and two, Mistress’ impeccable technique of flicking the wrist to accentuate the cane’s movement when swinging the cane to contact my bent over bottom was being impaired by this new downward motion demanded by my prone position?

After my New Year’s Eve caning things moved on. Mistress promised an extra strict few days to continue to drive the new disciplinary methods home so I was had to be on my best behavior.

It’s certainly helped my focus on Mistress’ needs but despite my best efforts my bottom was getting rather bruised from repeated impromptu paddlings and canings.

Each issue was dealt with on the spot with me bent over touching my toes for a few hard whacks of the paddle, or, on one occasion, the crop. I also got another hard dose of the cane laying flat on the bed with my bottom raised only by a pillow.

By Friday, January 3 though Mistress was getting annoyed as it seemed no matter what she did to discipline me, she really wasn’t getting through and that night in bed she asked me to explain what I felt was wrong.

“It seems my discipline is not having effect. I want to know why,” she said.

“But Mistress, you’re asking me to sign my own fate. If I say what I feel, I get to suffer even worse punishment.”

“If you don’t, I’ll beat you so hard and for so long you really will not be in a fit state to sit down,” she said curtly. “We need to sort this, otherwise any efforts to instill some real discipline is going to be wasted. You have the years of CP experience to draw from. I’m still learning remember.”

I took a big gulp and offered my views, knowing full well that if Mistress really took any notice I would be suffering in future, just as I used to every Thursday during maintenance punishment.

“I think the issue is partly position, partly technique and partly mindset Mistress. I think, for whatever reason, the cane is more effective delivered to a taught bottom than one that is more relaxed. I also think you use the cane differently in a downward motion to how you use it when I’m bent over. I know you are hitting hard because I can feel the thud, but it’s not even close to hurting me. In fact that last session this morning I was on the verge of a climax as each impact made my hips thrust forward.

“It’s almost like we’ve gone back to erotic spanking games,” I continued. “The spankings are all very brief. It almost feels like you are too worried about hurting me – or marking my bottom. You didn’t have that mindset when you were caning me the day the stool broke!

“I hope you don’t mind me saying Mistress. But you did ask.”

“I did and I’m grateful because we need to move forward and what’s been happening is not working for either of us.”

“I agree Mistress. I didn’t like my weekly maintenance canings. In fact I hated them. I know I’m fond of the cane but I used to be really nervous coming home knowing it was our discipline night.

I know I’m sexually excited before being caned but I’ve never during it since we adopted out DD regime – until this past few days. I used to be scared about you caning me and that’s what makes it a good disciplinary tool, don’t you think?”

“I do and you definitely need discipline. I think we both know how to progress now. Goodnight.”  
With that, Mistress rolled over and went to sleep while I lay there contemplating my fate. 

The real positive in all this has been how we’ve connected again over the festive period but clearly, we still have some work to do to find the happy medium. On the one hand, I’m quite worried that Mistress will revert to her old effective style and that we’ll be back to really severe punishments.

However, I think we’re both aware that without a degree of severity any attempts to pursue a DD regime will be wasted because its that ‘fear element’ that makes corporal punishment an effective disciplinary tool. And no mater how much of a masochist one might be, there comes a point when a well laid on cane becomes a very effective means of attitude adjustment.

Friday, 3 January 2014

The prospect of a DD new year

Happy New Year to everyone.

Mistress and I have enjoyed a very interesting festive DD period. It all started Christmas Eve when Mistress decided to cane me as a late birthday present. It had become customary for me to get the allotted number of years in cane strokes from Mistress on my birthday but those pesky outside influences put paid to that this year. It was probably as well since the high fifties in cane strokes gets pretty painful! 

Having said that, I was a little disappointed that the day had come and gone without the usual CP session. Frustrated I think is the word because I’d expected the worst. Prepared mentally for it. Then nothing happened. But I accepted it as part of Mistress taking control and deciding when she wanted to use CP and me when I felt a need.

Instead, quite unexpectedly, I got a token few strokes on Christmas Eve – just to remind me of who is in charge - but things got far more serious on Christmas Day before we had even got out of bed.
I committed the cardinal sin of setting the alarm. Well that’s not the sin. The sin is turning over and going back to sleep. After the third snooze alarm Mistress ordered me to fetch the leather paddle. So there I was, Christmas Day morning, barely awake getting a good walloping before we’d left the bedroom. And she didn’t spare me.

The rest of the day and Boxing Day was family time, then we went away for a few days holiday which gave Mistress and I plenty of time to chill out and, as usually happens when we just have ‘us time’, we end up including our DD regime in our many chats while walking miles..

We had a lovely holiday with evenings spent with me serving Mistress – and getting several doses of the Loopy Johnny whip (silent but very deadly in the hotel room situation) to keep me focused and it proved once again how much we both needed DD. But we decided to save the big discussion and real decision making on our 2014 plans for New Year’s Eve when we got back home.

We’ve long since lost interest in the usual party excesses and New Year’s Eve has traditionally been a time for our own little party clothes and games – usually involving shiny pvc outfits and corporal punishment forfeits for me!

This year though, as I said, we decided to sit down and have along talk about our DD regime. I had to sit at her feet by the way!

Mistress invited me to draw up a series of questions linking everything to our lifestyle. The two most pertinent being; ‘is there a difference between our vanilla (please excuse that horrible term) relationship and our DD regime – or should they be one of the same?’

And, if we agreed it was one of the same, ‘how do we ensure we retain the happy, loving, and fun side of our relationship while employing a strict 24/7 DD lifestyle?’

We spent most of the evening talking over the many facets of the regime and decided that yes, we need DD in our relationship and that 2013 had been pretty sketchy on the discipline front, which then impinged on our ‘vanilla’ lives. 

We agreed there was too much expectation from both sides and the maintenance element put too many demands on Mistress (which I blogged about some time ago).

Not only that, I’d refused to accept punishment on a couple of occasions (which I’ve also blogged about) and our DD lifestyle just petered out – even though we both accept it’s an important part of us.
I asked Mistress if we really needed DD in our lives at all and she said, “I don’t but I’m damn sure you do. It’s a sure fire way of reminding you of your place.”

It was quite a humbling experience with Mistress detailing my many failings - and my inability to accept her discipline.

We agreed therefore that DD should not be a separate little compartment in our relationship that we get ourselves into roles to deal with issues, but that it should be incorporated into our every day lives.
Mistress said: “You seem to think that you can do as you like. You are disobedient, disrespectful and have too many moody moments and then think you can have a few strokes of the cane – which you enjoy - and everything is all right. Well it’s not.

“You need much more focus, everyday – not just when you feel it’s time to fulfill your need for a caning. In future, if we are to continue, you will take punishment when I say – whether you are in the mood or not, whether you are busy or not. If I say it’s punishment time you will do as you are told. A good caning takes no more than 30 minutes. You can carry on work afterwards. And if the mood doesn’t take you, well that’s tough.”

Mistress however was also concerned that it was not her nature to adopt a stern attitude 24/7, and she might find such a situation too stressful – even though she agreed it was 100% needed.

I offered the analogy of the bygone era where CP was prevalent with parents, teachers, borstal staff, prison officers not sparing the rod. Everyone still lived normal lives between punishment times. In families particularly, it was only when CP was merited that demeanors changed.

Mistress agreed that my behavior bordered on that of a child at times and said she would be only too happy to punish me as and when she felt it was necessary if future – and said that each situation would be dealt with there and then – or as near to the incident as possible. Provided of course I accepted her discipline 100% of the time.

She pointed out the folly of totting up demerits or maintenance punishment and preferred instead to correct faults as they occurred. She said punishment would not be negotiable in future.

The other issue we dealt with was separating work and our social life from our private lives and both agreed that DD could not impinge on either of our working or social lives. The solution Mistress offered was that she would simply say to me, in public if need be, ‘we’ll sort this out later’ as a key for to stop behaving like a jack-ass. And I’d face the consequences later. 

I accepted her terms, though we both voiced concerns over my apparent inability to fully embrace the rules in the past. Only time will tell if we can make things work better in future.

Mistress also put some time limits on my blogging and personal computer use – I now have to ask permission first to go online. She’s also taking control of my finances by keeping my credit card and only permitting me a weekly allowance. We both have been spending far too much money on frivolous luxury goods and even Mistress asked for some help in controlling her spending. In a pertinent show of our different positions, where I have to ask permission to spend money and for my credit card to do so, we will only discuss Mistress’ spending while she retains the freedom to do as she wishes.

At the end of the discussion Mistress sent me to the computer room to type up the bullet points from the evening. They are added below. We’ll be keeping them to refer back to as the year progresses.

We both feel it was a worthwhile discussion. It cleared the air over our difficult last few months of a flagging DD regime and gave use both confidence that we can move forward in 2014 in a much more positive vein.

It’s still down to me to accept Mistress’ authority 24/7 without question. That’s the challenge and, while I’m not one for New Year’s resolutions, I’d say that’s the one thing I’ll focus on in 2014.

And how did we embrace these new ideas and welcome in 2014? I was tied face down to an old Victorian style bench we had recently bought and given a thorough caning of course. Mistress said it was her way of starting 2014 as she means to go on.
Be careful what you wish for.

Bullet points from our DD discussion

To avoid the confusion of our regular relationship and a DD regime working in parallel, the DD aspect will become part of our everyday lives.

The key areas for improvement in g are his obedience and respect towards Mistress and overcoming his moody behavior. He also needs to put his own interests to one side when Mistress demands.

Our DD regime cannot cross over into our working lives. Instead, we’ll adopt a ‘let’s talk about this later’ policy over any issues that arise in working hours. The matter will be dealt with as soon as possible after working hours.

Should the need arise, Mistress will instigate Boot Camp weekends during the year to help re-affirm all aspects of our DD relationship.

To ensure ‘punishment fits the crime’, Mistress tasked g to investigate alternative punishments used by other DD couples that can be employed where lesser punishments are required. The thin Dragon cane, however, remains the ultimate sanction for serious offences – with a minimum of 36 strokes if the offence is deemed serious enough to demand the thin Dragon – but with no upper limit on strokes.

Mistress pointed out the big responsibility on her shoulders to maintain strict discipline and emphasized the need for improved communication on both sides - and a need for ‘our own space’ while working within the confines of the DD regime.

g will be required to justify why he is staying up late when he asks permission to go to bed later than Mistress.

g will be given a weekly allowance and will not be permitted to use his credit card or Pay Pal without permission for luxury goods from Mistress.