Wednesday, 18 December 2013

The ebb and flow of a DD regime


I’ve finally got the computer back this week. Initially we thought the airport card was down but the repair company said they could find nothing wrong with it but the internet seems to be a little more consistent – thought it still comes and goes. It’s frustrating to know nothing has really been solved.

Our DD regime has been through some frustrating times too. In fact it’s been very quiet, dwindling to nothing recently. This time, it’s Mistress who has been so incredibly busy with work that’s she’s had no time to worry about keeping me in check.

I’ve done my best to keep up my chores – making things as easy as possible for her to carry out her work but I’ve come up short in my attitude.

I think my blog notes in the past have shown that although I ache to live a submissive lifestyle 24/7 serving Mistress, the reality is that I’m not a very good sub at all. Which is why we’ve always needed DD to keep me in line. Let me explain why.

It seems that when Mistress shows her authority and control, I have incredibly strong submissive feelings toward her and am quite happy in servitude. The bond is strong and we both are very happy in our chosen lifestyle.

However, when I’m doing absolutely everything around the house and get no reaction one way or the other from Mistress, I begin to feel resentful. And that manifests itself in me moaning about the unbalanced situation and becoming very negative.

Not only does that create bad feeling, it means my attention to Mistress begins to wane. I’ve deliberately ignored some chores and all that happens is they pile up until I finally do them
Normally there would be a punishment way before reaching that stage, with quickly order restored but this has been going on for several weeks to the point where we have started to squabble.  

I know Mistress is busy and, people will say if I were a true, loving sub then I’d accept the situation and not only get on with it, I’d do even more. But it’s not that simple. I can’t help the feeling that’s growing inside that I’m doing all this work and not receiving any love for it.

The truth though is that some of the behavior I’ve shown in recent weeks I should have earned several thrashings but nothing has even been said.

Make no mistake, I don’t actually crave to be punished. As I’ve said before, I know how much it hurts and while I still fantasise about CP like I always have, I can’t say I enjoy the suffering of a real punishment at the hands of Mistress.

Having said that, I think we’ve reached a point in our relationship where the best way to restore the status quo would be punishment. It’s not a pleasant prospect but I think it would clear the air, cure our ails and show me the kind of attention I need.

Once that’s been done, we need to restore our DD regime properly and that means both of us showing commitment to each other regardless of our work situation.

Maybe I’m worrying without good reason and that other couples’ DD lifestyles ebb and flow in this way. Thinking about it, it’s a relationship like any other and is bound to have its ups and downs – though I’m sure some of the Ladies out there will be appalled by my attitude towards Mistress recently – and tell me that I should remember my place and buckle down.

I welcome your advice and comments.

2 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear of your difficult doldrums. (Just because "other couples' DD lifestyles ebb and flow" doesn't make them pleasant, nor does it mean the other couples react to the ebbs with calm complacency. Or active alliteration.)

    You don't say whether your wife agrees the length of time she's been away from active DD management is a problem, or if she's more with the "remember your place and buckle down" crowd, so it's hard to know what suggestions might help. For myself the length of time itself is less important than knowing it hasn't all just been forgotten about, fallen through the cracks. Might your wife agree to a maximum period, minimum response arrangement? Something like two weeks/15 minutes? I envision marking a day on the calendar two weeks away, on which she commits to spending no less than 15 minutes on DD maintenance. That might be time for you to deliver a self-evaluation, or for her to evaluate you herself, for punishment if needed, and for her to give instructions/expectations for the future. At the end, mark the next day on the calendar. If she has time and energy sooner than 2 weeks, or longer than 15 minutes, great! But at least you'll know you will receive her attention and when you'll be held to account.

    Then within those 2 weeks, your feelings about the situation are yours to manage. It's not at all surprising you'd feel resentful or hurt or pissy when things look so unbalanced. But you're not a slave to the resentment--you can still behave the way you might later wish you'd behaved. It's just harder when it's not backed up by the submissive glow we both like so much.

    It was good to hear from you, even if it wasn't great news. I hope there's improvement soon, and that you have a wonderful Christmas.

    WhMs

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  2. We, too see things ebb and flow and probably not just within the context of our Female Led Relationship. I have been consumed with a project that is finally up and running and I now seem to be drawn to being held accountable for some of my bad behavior during the time I have been working on my project.
    Ken

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