I’ve finally got the computer back this week. Initially we thought the airport card was down but the repair company said they could find nothing wrong with it but the internet seems to be a little more consistent – thought it still comes and goes. It’s frustrating to know nothing has really been solved.
Our DD regime has been through some frustrating times too. In fact it’s been very quiet, dwindling to nothing recently. This time, it’s Mistress who has been so incredibly busy with work that’s she’s had no time to worry about keeping me in check.
I’ve done my best to keep up my chores – making things as easy as possible for her to carry out her work but I’ve come up short in my attitude.
I think my blog notes in the past have shown that although I ache to live a submissive lifestyle 24/7 serving Mistress, the reality is that I’m not a very good sub at all. Which is why we’ve always needed DD to keep me in line. Let me explain why.
It seems that when Mistress shows her authority and control, I have incredibly strong submissive feelings toward her and am quite happy in servitude. The bond is strong and we both are very happy in our chosen lifestyle.
However, when I’m doing absolutely everything around the house and get no reaction one way or the other from Mistress, I begin to feel resentful. And that manifests itself in me moaning about the unbalanced situation and becoming very negative.
Not only does that create bad feeling, it means my attention to Mistress begins to wane. I’ve deliberately ignored some chores and all that happens is they pile up until I finally do them
Normally there would be a punishment way before reaching that stage, with quickly order restored but this has been going on for several weeks to the point where we have started to squabble.
I know Mistress is busy and, people will say if I were a true, loving sub then I’d accept the situation and not only get on with it, I’d do even more. But it’s not that simple. I can’t help the feeling that’s growing inside that I’m doing all this work and not receiving any love for it.
The truth though is that some of the behavior I’ve shown in recent weeks I should have earned several thrashings but nothing has even been said.
Make no mistake, I don’t actually crave to be punished. As I’ve said before, I know how much it hurts and while I still fantasise about CP like I always have, I can’t say I enjoy the suffering of a real punishment at the hands of Mistress.
Having said that, I think we’ve reached a point in our relationship where the best way to restore the status quo would be punishment. It’s not a pleasant prospect but I think it would clear the air, cure our ails and show me the kind of attention I need.
Once that’s been done, we need to restore our DD regime properly and that means both of us showing commitment to each other regardless of our work situation.
Maybe I’m worrying without good reason and that other couples’ DD lifestyles ebb and flow in this way. Thinking about it, it’s a relationship like any other and is bound to have its ups and downs – though I’m sure some of the Ladies out there will be appalled by my attitude towards Mistress recently – and tell me that I should remember my place and buckle down.
I welcome your advice and comments.