Saturday, 19 October 2013

The cane a a sex substitute?

One of my favourite blogs is

It has a wonderful vintage style, not just visually, but also in the way it is written. Catching up there last night I couldn’t help realise how closely we are aligned, especially when I read this post ‘Real Obedience.’

We’ve a long way to go to live up to their standards of FLR but I was very taken with the thoughts of the writer.

He commented: “In a female led relationship it takes some time for a man to really accept his position. Or at least it has taken me several years to embrace my real status.

“For the longest time I fought against Hannah’s control. Not overtly but rather by mentioning my sexual frustration. And worse, I continued to have expectations that my sexuality, my urges, while unimportant, still counted for something.

This last year has put paid to that and I have finally, and thankfully, realized my sexual urges are a matter of complete indifference to Hannah. She has, largely, forgotten I have any sex at all. Instead, I have become a chaste husband who is loved dearly by his wife.

“Of course I am still disciplined and I have learned that corner time or a good whipping is a perfect substitute for any sort of sexual fulfilment I might long for.

“Best of all, Hannah has pretty much ceased to want any penetration. If I am to pleasure her my tongue is all she wants or needs, and, in fact, she usually stops me before her completion and finishes herself. I am left hard and discarded on my side of the bed. Which makes me love her all the more.”

I found the post fascinating because some time ago Mistress said that I should feel happy that that I was caned as a substitute for sex.

I wasn’t at the time, especially when Mistress kept telling me I'd not been well behaved enough to deserve such pleasures, as she pushed me to one side and settled down to sleep. Many is the night I've laid awake pondering my fate. 

As first, I too complained but as my submission has grown  I’ve slowly come to accept the situation and feel very lucky that we have this lifestyle. No longer do I moan.

Like Hannah's submissive I'm also discarded to my side of the bed, but far from resenting this, I seem to relish Mistress' authority and now accept it without question. Of course I feel the frustration but I don't feel at all hard done by. Far from it, I take solace from Mistress' empowerment. 

So, like ‘A Man In My Position,’ I am kept chase but I’m also dearly loved – and disciplined. I wouldn’t have it any other way either. 


  1. How lovely of you to quote my sweet, obedient and very frustrated husband. He is going to be even more frustrated this Fall and Winter. I think he now understands his position but now he needs to step out in public as a submissive husband.

    I can't wait.

    1. Dear Hannah,

      Your relationship fascinates. I’m looking forward to hearing how he will ‘step out in public as a submissive husband.’ It is always interesting to read the blogs of like-minded couples since there is so much to learn.

      Respectfully, garyk