Monday, 28 October 2013

Other's views of our DD

The benefits of sharing thoughts through an FLR blog are that you receive comments that help you put another slant on your thinking and help broaden your own views.

A good example of this was the response to my recent blog post regarding the current ‘training period’ Mistress has instigated.

As I noted, Mistress has done away with maintenance punishment in favour of using corporal punishment to discipline me, as and when she sees fit.

She obviously decides when disciplinary methods are required but there is also an onus on me to self-report any of my failings that I know warrant her attention.

I took this to mean obvious shortcomings but WhMs made an excellent observation, asking whether this self-reporting should include failing in my inner thoughts too.

WhMs’ comment actually read: “Are you also putting in any mental/emotional moments of sullenness, resentment, exasperation, whatever, even if they didn't have any outward manifestation?”

I’d not thought of this but it’s a very good point and one that I would agree is very pertinent to our DD regime. Considering this, yes, my thoughts should be of matter for Mistress’ consideration.

It’s one thing to say ‘Yes Mistress’ and accept her direction – but it’s another if inside there is some adverse emotion. I think in most case I am quite transparent – Mistress knows if I m rebelling against her authority – but I will admit that there are times when I’m in another room and inwardly rebel, take a deep breath and then go to Mistress perfectly compliant. 

I also wondered in my last post how things might be once Mistress is more satisfied by my level of compliance within this revised regime.

The view of WhMs is: “I'll be very interested to see how that plays out - how much of her vision and enjoyment is based on a more compliant subby vs. how much is the enjoyment of keeping you on your toes, making you stretch out of your comfort zone? A non-relaxed you may be pretty enticing.”

I think WhMs is right on this point too and I’m sure Mistress would prefer an always attentive subby. It’s a daunting prospect of no let up in our domestic discipline but I’m sure WhMs is 1000% right and that’s how it should be.

dualpurpose27 had a similar thought to WhMs and said: “During your training period Mistress is deciding what is important to Her and exactly how you should behave in each situation. You are being trained and learning how to be compliant.

“I think your speed and ability to ‘learn and become totally compliant’ will drive your ability to ‘relax’. However, I suggest you disabuse yourself of the concept of ‘relax’. You need to remain attentive, compliant, supportive, and totally submissive at all times.

“Therefore, you must always be alert and attentive to Mistress's needs, moods, and desires. You must anticipate, adapt, and behave properly at all times. When you have learned, then yes, you will have fun, pleasant, and extremely enjoyable times together. You will talk, laugh, enjoy social events, and have fun shopping. From experience, I suggest you learn quickly.”

Again, such eloquent thoughts. The pertinent point is, as dualpurpose27 says, remaining alert, being more aware of Mistress and her needs, which is the one area I’ve been negligent in the past and where I really need to focus.

It’s also why Mistress and I both agreed that a DD lifestyle would be an ideal way to keep our relationship on track and fresh.

Sunday, 27 October 2013

Testing times in our FLR

It didn’t take long for Mistress to put our new regime to the test.

On Friday, Mistress and I were out shopping when I veered towards my favourite book shop. Mistress stopped in the middle of the precinct, waiting until I realized I was alone – and I sheepishly walked back to her. The stern look on her face painted a picture for everyone to see.

“And what happened to this submissive male who follows his Mistresses lead? What gave you the idea you can just waltz off when you feel like it?”

Mistress did not seem to care we were in the middle of a very crowded shopping area.

“I’m sorry.”

I’m sorry what?”

Mistress knew I was trying to avoid saying ‘Mistress’ in the middle of the street.

“Sorry Mistress.”

“I should think so. It’s not a good start is it? We’ve only been out of the house five minutes and you are forgetting your place. We will have to deal with this later. Now walk behind me and remember your place.”

I felt my self colouring up. With my embarrassment came a really awkward grin. I imagined everyone in the street watching me reduced to size. I kept trying to laugh it off. Mistress on the other hand kept a straight, stern face, no doubt enjoying see me squirm.

I was on my absolute best behaviour after that. But it all went wrong when we were back home.
I could blame it on my nervous state, knowing I was already in trouble, but it’s just the way I am and I knew there was trouble brewing when Mistress called. “Come down here boi.”

I half expected to told to go back and fetch the cane so Mistress could correct the earlier black mark. But maybe not.

She stood in the kitchen, hands behind her back.

“You already have a black mark. Well here’s another one.”

She held out a bottle of milk and a tub of yoghurt.

I wasn’t sure what she meant. “Mistress?”

“You didn’t put the shopping away.”

“Oh Jesus, I mean sorry Mistress.”

“Oh you will be, don’t worry.”

Mistress went off to make some calls to make. I had tea to cook. So nothing more was said. But I know this is not the last of the matter.

That was Friday.

Saturday I got a few whacks with the cane and then more with the lightweight tawse for not responding to her orders to fix breakfast quick enough. No bench, no preparation. I had to lie face down on the bed and take the instant corrective measures.

The punishment didn’t take into account Friday’s lapses.

“I hope you are keeping a record of all your faults. When I feel ready, we’ll correct those issues properly,” I was told.

We went out to lunch and I don’t know if Mistress was deliberately trying to wind me up to see if I’d crack – but she succeeded. In the small cafe we sat downstairs.  But Mistress complained it wasn’t light enough and insisted I go find a table upstairs.  We took our drinks upstairs and once we’d settled, Mistress insisted we swapped seats so she could look out of the window. Then when the food arrived she insisted she had my coleslaw and I had her lettuce leaves. At which point I  breathed, loudly through my nose.

“Stop what you are doing."

Our eyes met.

"Do I detect some resentment in your attitude?”

“No Mistress.”

“Oh, I think I do. You had best remember your place.”

Nothing more was said.

It’s now Sunday morning, Mistress has gone out to spend time with one of her girlfriends and left me at home to do some chores, although she has allowed me some free time to do things of my own choice.
But as she went to leave, Mistress said: “I will be back late afternoon. All the chores had better be done by then because we have a lot to sort out.”

I didn’t dare question what she has in mind but it all sounds ominous.

According to Mistresses new regime, I'm keeping notes of my 'misdemeanours'. The idea actually came from Lady Grey's term of 'self-reporting' - which I had told Mistress about. I'm sure Mistress has plenty of reasons to correct me but I think it's important that I pick up on my own failures otherwise I'll not learn by from them. 

My worry is that I've already listed six major faults and we're only really three days into this new regime. It shows how remiss (and pathetic) I really am as a sub.

As you can imagine, with Mistress really on the ball and me being picked up on every small detail,  there is a real tension in the air at the moment, which I think is a good thing. I’m not the best-behaved sub, and my bad points seemed to be highlighted as Mistress embraces her authoritarian role with ever-increasing enthusiasm.

It’s tense, but I think Mistress is enjoying her, dare I say, new-found role. I’m enjoying her taking a more lead role and am happy to take her instruction. I feel we are very aware of each other at the moment.

People talk about partners taking each other for granted but with a female led relationship that’s currently this intense, I don’t see how that’s possible. Mistress has referred to these few days (weeks hopefully) as a ‘training period’ so perhaps when she’s happy enough with my level of compliance things will find a more relaxed level.

It may be surprising to some readers, but that’s not my wish. I’m finding it hard to maintain submission 24/7 but strangley, I prefer this intensity over casual mediocrity.  

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

Mistress announces new DD regime

This morning I was punished, quite severely. My faults included not ‘spring cleaning the kitchen cupboards yesterday as ordered, not getting out of bed when ordered and failing to showing Mistress enough respect over the past two days.

As I dried my eyes and put the cane and bench away, Mistress informed me we were going out to lunch and would be having a ‘chat’.

“I no longer see the need for maintenance punishment every Thursday,” said Mistress calmly between coffee sips. “I no longer want to have to force myself to do something on a set day if I’m not in the mood for it.”

Mistress took me aback with her statement. But she was far from finished.

“From now on, I’m going to punish you as and when I feel it necessary. If that means you are caned every day then so be it. It may mean you won’t be caned for weeks. Either way I decide when the cane is used. And I hope that we’ll have to use it less in future as you become better behaved. It’s entirely up to you.

“We have domestic discipline because you need it and I don’t see the value where you can misbehave every day and then feel like you’ve wiped the slate clean each Thursday with a maintenance punishment.

“In future I want to see real improvement in your attitude, in your work within the house and in your respect for me. And when I don’t feel you are up to scratch, then I will cane you.

“And,” she added as afterthought, but a very telling one, “if I’m in a bad mood, then I’ll cane you anyway - purely for my pleasure.”

It was a daunting thought, though my mind was racing with the ramifications of no maintenance. But she hadn’t finished.

“In future you will keep a record of any instances you think you have failed to measure up and you will report them to me. However, I shall also be keeping track of your behavior. It will be entirely my decision when you are punished. I think you’ve been far too controlling in our (DD) relationship and from now on I am taking control.”

There was silence.

“Your thoughts?”

I’m never happier than when Mistress is in charge and this sounded like she was taking real control. But I was scared at the prospect. She was right, at least with maintenance I could prepare myself. Now, it could happen at any time – as this morning’s punishment had showed.

“I’m surprised you don’t think we need the Thursday appointment but I understand why you wish to cancel it," I said. "And I’m delighted you feel a need to take control. I thought you were in control but I’m happy with what ever decision you make Mistress. Purely as a devil’s advocate question though, how important do you think it is for us to have a DD regime?”

I received a very dark stare.

“I think it is very important. You seem to possess a self-destruct button where you become more and more arrogant and selfish, the longer you go without me correcting you. I look at you sometimes and think how rude you are. A good caning takes you down a peg or two. So, yes, I think the cane keeps you in line and I can definitely see the difference for a few days  - but then you lose track again. I wasn’t sure when we started this if it wasn’t purely for your pleasure. In  fact, I'm sure it was. But I’m afraid you really do need regular discipline and hopefully, over time, you will learn.”

“Yes Mistress. But isn’t there a danger without maintenance we’ll just slip into doing nothing like we have done before?”

“Unfortunately for you, there isn’t.” She gave me a wry grin. “As I said, in the past you just misbehaved and were happy to have the slate cleaned. Forget your place now and you’ll be punished straight away so you have better be on your best behavior at all times. That’s the difference. This is going to be full time now, not when you feel like it. I’m not having you controlling the situation any more. You’ll get set tasks, on top of chores you have. You wanted us to live a full-time FLR. Well now we are going to. Do you understand?”

“I do Mistress. Thank you.”

“I think our little break helped put us back on track and the training this past week or so has helped but I want your submissive attitude to become second nature. We’ll continue your training for another week and then re-assess the situation.”

Tuesday, 22 October 2013

FLR training

As a follow-up to our post, ‘The Cane as a Sex Subsituate’, Hannah Jay, the wife of ‘A Man in My Position’, kindly e-mailed me after I quoted their blog in the updates.

She said: “If you read our blog you will see that we have evolved to where we are now. j has accepted the fact that he has no say over our sexual life and that I only rarely want penetration (and almost never want his mess in me - maybe once a year but I honestly forget the last time j was actually allowed to ejaculate in me.) I don't mind giving him strokes - say ten thrusts - but then out he goes and he is almost never allowed to come after strokes.

“And I find I enjoy giving j a good caning as much or more than having sex with him. But that is not to say I don't enjoy his oral service regularly.

“By all means please put this and anything else you enjoy up on your blog...with your wife's permission of course.”

The post struck a chord with me since it sounds very similar to our lifestyle, though Hannah Jay has put the point across far more eloquently.

I read the email to Mistress who gave a wry smile and said: “There’s a Lady who knows how to keep a man in his place – and a man who knows his place.”
“Yes Mistress.”

“But we’re getting there with you aren’t we boi?” The word boi is rarely used but was said with real emphasis and came with a very strict stare. “It’s just a long process and you do so disappoint me sometimes.” Her smile returned.

I feel like I’m in training at the moment. Every day fresh tasks are assigned. Any time I lose myself doing something, Mistress wants to know what I’m up to – reminding me of my obligations to her. I’m teetering on the edge of being disciplined. It’s very tense but is offering a curious excitement to our lives.

Each morning in bed we embrace but that’s as far is it goes. I’m pushed away when I become a little too amorous – and warned not to dribble. I’m reminded to do so is now a caning offence.

It’s hard not to be amorous. I feel really close to Mistress right now, cuddled up with her, me with my head level with her breast. It’s my default position I adopt when I’m feeling really submissive.

Somehow I’ve escaped the cane so far this week – but it is only Tuesday – and only a matter of time.

Mistress is challenging me in every way. If this is how she wants our FLR then I have to say it’s delightful.

When I got out of bed this morning she inspected the stripes from the last thrashing and was delighted, yet a little disappointed, they are still very visible, especially on my right side were I can still feel the knotted mess when I sit down.

I get the feeling that she’s only waiting for the angry blackness to give her a clean canvas to decorate. And understanding her current mood, that might not be such a pleasant experience for me – but I’m sure one that Mistress will relish.