Thursday, 29 August 2013

Post-caning thoughts

My punishment last week wasn’t a pleasant experience. Mistress caned me with a level of severity I’ve not experienced in our DD relationship, to the point where she had me writhing around so much, I was making quite a fool of myself.

Embarrassment at my own lack of self-control aside, the aftermath was delicious. It seemed like the cloud of tension that hung over us for so long had been blown away and we were left engaging in a much more intimate way than in recent weeks.

Mistress noted how subdued I was immediately post punishment – and also how compliant I was to please over the next few days.

Mistress also admitted how much really enjoyed applying the rod with such force and seeing me squirm. I know how delighted she was with the set of marks because she had already expressed her pleasure in the immediate post-punishment inspection.

She stopped short in admitting that caning me actually thrilled her, but I believe that to be the case. If I’m right then I’m really happy for her- though a bit worried for myself if she enjoyed it as much as I think she did!

However, she wasn’t at all happy with my protestations and told me in no uncertain manner that I’d have to improve my behavior in that area the next time I’m over the bench.

But she also said that it helped, briefly, for her to cast off some of the tension she had noticed building, between us and in her job. She also noted how compliant I became immediately post-punishment – immediately, being the subsequent two or three days.

Mistress has also been much more authoritative since that punishment session and the last week has been punctuated by curt orders and much more responsibility on me to carry out the daily tasks of cooking, cleaning etc.

I’ve enjoyed that aspect of the week, and far from feeling subjugated by my delightful domina, it’s been a pleasure to serve her. The fact I’ve lived under the threat of even more punishment has kept me keenly aware of my need to serve without question.

As ever, real life gets in the way of any progress we seem to be making in our FLR and Mistress is away on business for a few days, which means no maintenance tonight.

I should feel relieved because it means I escape the routine 36-stroke punishment, which I know would have been absolute hell he she bdeen in the form of the last time she applied the rod.

But it means I miss that special joy of serving Mistress in the subsequent days – and Mistress misses out on the buzz of thrashing me and then having me bend entirely to her will.

If we had planned our hiatus from DD and then restarted in such a positive vein then I’d have to acknowledge that this was the ultimate test of whether or not we really did need to embracing a female-led relationship. We’d both be patting our selves on the back – or I’d be bent over taking a caning – and saying how clever we were in our experiment.

As it is, through sheer luck we’ve proven once more where we need to be. All we need now is some ‘us time’ to plan out how we enforce the strict regime to suit use both. In the absence of ‘us time’, Mistress has set me a task. I am to produce a discussion document detailing how we should proceed with our regime, for Mistress to peruse when she returns home early next week. It’s a challenging thought but a task, which I’m sure I’ll embrace fully.

Sunday, 25 August 2013

The cane's wicked venom

The return to DD this past Friday came as something of a shock.  It’s been weeks since I last posted and you may recall, our regime had petered out following some health issues on my part – and heavy workloads for the both of us. But as you may also recall, once the health issues cleared, I had a reluctance to return to the strict regime that we once had.

I wasn’t sure why it turned out that way since I was the one who had long dreamt of exploring my submissive tendencies with a dominant lady only too willing to mete out corporal punishment and Mistress was only too willing too oblige.

I’ve explored the reasons for my negative attitude in some detail in previous posts, without any real conclusions – suffice to say after experiencing DD 24/7 for several months, I wasn’t so sure I was ready resume the lifestyle. Mistress, however, was.

I’d spoken to Mistress on the phone before leaving work and could tell she had endured a stressful day. I tried to say the right things and help her unwind, but my comments only served to wind her up even more. But I expected by the time I got home, she would her normal calm demeanor would be restored and we could go out for a quite evening meal.

When I arrived home Mistress greeted me at the door with a face like thunder. I enquired about work but she refused to discuss it, so I asked what the plan was for the evening.

“The plan,” she said quite sternly, “Is for you to go upstairs and get changed because I’m going to cane you.”

Now I wouldn’t normally question Mistress but after some six months with virtually no DD, and certainly no prior inkling to this, I felt a need to know what was going on.

“You dare question why I’m going to cane you?” she said. “Because I want to! And secondly, because I’m sick of your lazy ways and lack of respect. It’s about time you remembered your place. Go and get that cane….Now!”

I didn’t need telling again because I knew from past training there was nothing I could say in this instance that could make any difference.

I always hated this kind of scenario. When punishment comes out of the blue there’s no time to get your head into the right place. When you live DD 24/7 there’s always discipline and you tend to know in advance of a punishment session and that allows you to mentally prepare for what’s coming,  but as I pulled on my plastic pants and fumbled into the wardrobe for the venomous thin Dragon cane, my hearting was thumping and I felt a little bit sick.

We had bought a new stool since February, specifically to use a ‘punishment bench’ so this was in the middle of the room. In no time at all, I was fastened to it at my wrists and thighs so it was impossible for me to move (or so we thought) and suddenly, I felt the first stinging whack of the cane. There was no ceremony. Mistress was obviously eager to get down to business.

“Count,” she said as I tried desperately to take in what was actually happened..

“One Mistress, thank you.”

It took four, maybe five strokes for me to realize why I’d been so reluctant to put myself in this position again. By now the pain had built and I let rip something of a howl.

I told myself to breath, and calm down but this was sheer agony. As ever, there was so little time between strokes. If I didn’t count quick enough, the next stroke was applied anyway.

The ‘bench’ I quickly realized was totally inadequate. With my feet touching the ground, my writhings pulled the front legs of the stool off the ground, allowing me to semi-straighten up. I'd lost control. Mistress, though, just kept applying the rod with the kind of wicked venom I’ve never previously experienced.

Or maybe I had. Maybe I just was just out of practice at taking the punishment.

I can honestly say there was nothing delicious about this stinging hell. It was as I’d always imagined a real thrashing would be. Painful and scary. Scary, in as much as I wasn’t sure how long this would go on and how badly I was going to cope with it.

After 24 strokes from the thin Dragon cane

Mistress stopped at 24 and released me. But there was no sign of her demeanour mellowing.

“You can put this all away for the time being. But don’t you think for a second I’ve finished with you.

I’d never had such well-defined stripes. The picture was taken five minutes after the caning had finished. Not one drop of blood but I was shocked, yet strangely delighted, at the vivid weals she had produced.

Later that evening I got another 20. On top of the first set, it was very painful.  

In bed that night Mistress asked how I felt about being caned again. “I think it was needed Mistress,” I said. “But how did you feel about it?”

“I think it’s about time you remembered your place,” she said.

I kissed her and tried to make advances to suggest more intimate play.

“Don’t think your going to get any pleasure,” she added quite curtly. “You’ve a long way to go before you’ve earned the right to that my boy.”

I meekly said, “Thank you Mistress,” and then asked permission to ask a question. I enquired if caning me helped relieve some the stress she was experiencing.

“A little,” she said. “It helped take my mind off work but the most enjoyable aspect of caning you was producing such an accurate set of marks after not using the cane for such a long time.

“But I’m not happy with you. The fuss you made was totally unnecessary. You are going to have to learn to take the cane without all that whining. You know how much it annoys me. I had hoped you would be able to stay in position for a few strokes of the cane but you are so much of a wimp. So we’re going to have to sort out a better way of securing you. I’m not having you writhing around like that again!”

I promised I’d try my best in future. I said it was the only thing I could offer because the thin Dragon stings so much and with Mistress’ caning tempo, there’s never time to recover. “It’s what makes your punishments so effective,” I ventured.

“Don’t patronize me or you’ll go and get the cane right now! We’re going to have to toughen you up. Your bottom has become soft. I think we’ll go back to our regular Thursday evening session. You need to remember your place. Oh dear, does that worry you?”

We were cuddled together and her words had sent my heart racing. Thursday maintenance. 36 strokes. I couldn’t even take 24 in one earlier. How would I be able to take 36 again?

Mistress continued to be supremely authoritarian all Saturday, constantly reminding me who was in charge. There was an air of tension but strangely not in a negative way. To me it felt more like there was a heightened awareness of each other’s presence resulting in a very positively charge atmosphere. Yes, I was enjoying it, even though I had earned a severe thrashing with the thick leather spoon-shaped paddle before we had even got out of bed – and I got another set just before we went shopping.

It’s Sunday morning as I write this and my poor bottom is still a little bruised with ridges on my right bottom cheek that take the brunt of the strokes from my right-handed Mistress. Even now I am aware of a raw stinging sensation as I sit down.

Mistress has already gone out to meet up with a couple of her girlie friends for a day out. She said she’ll be back at six. I’ve been left with a list of chores and a warning, “don’t be lazy today.”

It’s 8.15am as I write this so I’d better stop now and get myself some breakfast before I set about my housework.

But I’m left wondering if this is the start of a return to full time DD – or another false dawn? I’m still not even sure DD 24/7 is what I truly want. But maybe the choice is out of my hands. If it’s what Mistress now wants, do I really have any options? The fact that I’m thinking that way suggests a willingness on my part to default to me submissive nature.

From a personal perspective, revisiting DD over a long weekend I’d say has been a positive experience for both of us, but whether we can make it work on a full time basis again is another question. The difference this weekend is that I’ve not had a say in the matter and that, for a so called submissive male living with a dominant lady, should be the dream scenario.