After last night’s maintenance punishment I sat at Mistress’ feet to have a serious discussion about the future of our Domestic Discipline lifestyle.
It’s a discussion that’s been needed for some time and one we agreed we’d have after I was caned next.
Mistress and I had both come to realize that maintaining a DD regime is really hard work and is going to get more difficult with us both facing a very busy year workwise.
Our DD has had had it’s ups and downs with a lot of the issues – in fact all of the issues - created by me, often when I’m not quite in the mood for playing the submissive role.
Playing’s the wrong word because this isn’t a game, it’s more a lifestyle choice. But it is a lifestyle choice born out of my lifelong interest in corporal punishment and a desire to be dominated. And that desire does ebb and flow.
I’m not proud to admit it but there are times in our relationship when I’ve flat rejected Mistress’ authority. Mistress then assumes I don’t really want a DD regime and we go several weeks before I feel a need a need to bring the relationship back on track.
So when I asked Mistress if we could discuss how to get things back on track, she rolled her eyes and said, “We’ve been here before. What are you going to say different that I’ve not heard before?”
I asked if she was really comfortable with DD. “I thought things were working really well recently. I was really happy. You were behaving and accepted the weekly punishments. We went several weeks, no months, but it was you who suddenly decided not to listen to me. You said you couldn’t cope with that all ‘stuff’ and your work pressure. It seems to me that you’re the one who isn’t comfortable with the situation.”
I apologized for my failings.
I said to Mistress that I think our already brilliant relationship still benefits DD. It seems to bond us closely together where, when there is no DD, we tend to drift and lose focus on each other. And I desperately want it to continue.
The problem is, as I’ve said before, I’m inherently lazy so when discipline breaks down, I tend to lapse into old ways and I don’t want that to happen. I think it’s possible to live a strict DD regime yet still have our own space.
Both of us seem to be spending more and more time working so I told her I thought it might be expedient to implement some new ideas now to inject a more positive aspect into our DD.
So I put it to Mistress that without our DD functioning in recent weeks I have been at fault in two major areas: I’ve literally been doing what I want and when – especially with my web surfing. Worse still, I’ve not been showing Mistress enough respect or time.
Mistress agreed and said how disappointed she has been with my attitude and behavior.
We talked over ideas and came up with the following plan: She will now apply strict boundaries on what I can and can’t do in my leisure time. I now have to ask permission if I wish to go off and do something on my own, including using the home computer.
She added: “I will also instruct you which chores and household maintenance requires doing. It’s clear you don’t even notice some of things that need tending to around the house.”
My lack of respect is going to be dealt with by Mistress bringing me up short every time I forget my place. This has always been the case at home but now Mistress says she is going to do the same if we are out and about. The only exception, she said, will be if in the company of people we know. And if that’s the case, she’ll deal with the issue when we get home.
Mistress voiced concern over my excessive web-surfing. “I don’t mind you keeping in contact with other bloggers etc,” she said, “But you have been spending far too much time surfing CP sites recently. It seems to me that you are fuelling your CP desires so in future I will limit your time on the computer.”
I had to agree with her assessment.
“Mistress has also been denying me because of my bad behavior.
At the time she said that in place of sex would be the cane. “It will be your pleasure,” she had said.
I explained that the longer I go without an orgasm, the more if fuels my appetite for pervery.
Conversely, the desire subsides for several days, weeks even, after release. She knew all this.
“If that’s the case then we’ll ensure that no longer happens. Prior to your weekly maintenance we will relieve you of any tension or stress,” she said curtly.
I could tell by her look it I wouldn’t be deriving any pleasure for this ‘relief.’
I reminded her ‘no sex, more cane’ throwaway comment and rather stupidly, I joked that, “as I’m kept chaste we might as well invest in a chastity device to do the job properly.”
In truth, spending time locked in one is a fantasy I’ve long held but Mistress has not warmed to.
Mistress did not find my quip funny either, but said, without a glimmer of emotion: “That sounds like a very good idea. Without an erection bothering you all day perhaps you could focus more on me and your work?”
I was so shocked I didn’t have a response so we both sat quietly for moments. Then Mistress said: “This is all well and good but the pertinent fact is that when you are not in the mood you reject my authority. What we really need to discuss is how to overcome that issue!”
My feeling is that Mistress has the power to control me, if she chooses to. I just don’t think she is prepared to exert her authority to its natural limit.
“But if you go off in a sulk and refuse to do what you are told or take a punishment, I have no authority,” she said. “You can’t decide when or how you want to life this type of lifestyle. Either you accept my authority at all times or we cannot continue.”
I acknowledged my failings again and said that we had to make this work but while I needed to tow the line, Mistress also needed to exert more authority to ensure I didn’t get away with such bad behavior again.
I said: “I know I’ve been at fault, but I think we need to both be more consistent. Maybe you could be more authoritative if I’m not acknowledging you. And ensure that I don’t get away with anything. I obviously need to understand that I can’t behave like I have done. I know I need to commit 100%.”
She responded: “You do because if not, and I’ve threatened this before, we will have to stop, because your attitude suggests to me you don’t want a female led relationship. You only want it when you have a need for it. You can’t have it both ways.
“This happens too often. Something in you brings everything to a grinding halt. Then your need to be caned gradually builds back up. Then when you are ready for it again you end up making a load of notes of how to improve our DD regime. And then we go through the whole cycle again.
“You have to decide whether you want to really show me respect, serve me in a way a good submissive should, and accept punishment for any faults. Or do you just want the occasional caning when it suits you?
“You know what I want.”
“I’m not sure I do!”
“I want the full female led thing. So how do you suggest we overcome this?”
“It’s you with the problem. How do you overcome this? We will have a no-avoidance rule. You will do what I say without exception – or face the consequences. And you will not attempt to avoid punishment again. Normally you are the one to fetch the cane. In future, if you refuse to fetch it, I will and if I do that, any punishment will be automatically doubled. And I will wait, cane in hand, until you strip and bend over and take that punishment.”
There was an audible ‘gulp’ from me but everything Mistress said made sense.
“I agree to that Mistress.”
We both sat quietly for a few moments. I think we were both relieved to have resolved the (my) issues and take our DD lifestyle to the next phase.
I was ready to post this earlier this afternoon but Mistress called me to compile a list of groceries for the weekend. That required first picking the weekend’s menu. I’d all but finished when Mistress came into the room and asked for the details of the meals. I said we would have Cajun beef on Sunday instead of roast.
“We will have roast.”
Why then have you had me sitting here going through cookbooks?”
I’ve not seen Mistress angry for some time. Not real anger.
“How dare you question me?” she barked. “Have you already forgotten everything we talked about last night? Go and fetch the cane this instant.”
I know what you are thinking. How stupid is this hapless submissive?
As I pulled the cane out of the cupboard I thought, ‘whatever punishment I get now, I deserve every stroke.’
Mistress caned with a new-found venom and really hurt me. Nearing the end of the 24 strokes I simply couldn’t count them out. The pain was immense. On top of my already bruised bottom too but I somehow had a really good feeling as every stroke lashed me. After all the punishment canings I’ve had, I felt this one had real justification.
And it was a strange atmosphere between us when we went shopping straight after. Very little was said. Mistress was still annoyed with me. I was simply subdued and daren’t risk speaking for saying something that would land me in even more trouble.
But I found myself watching her intently, feeling immense pride in this wonderful woman. I wanted to hug and kiss her and say think you. But it wasn’t the place, or time.
But it was proof to me that a good dose of discipline does bring you to your senses and help build that loving bond.
When I finished the washing up tonight, Mistress called me over and told me to drop my pants to inspect my bottom.
“I don’t think that’s sore enough yet,” she said.
“Do you wish me to fetch the cane Mistress?”
“No, we’ll continue getting you back in line tomorrow.”
“Thank you Mistress. My I go and use the computer now please?
Mistress granted permission but it seems like the weekend might be turning into an impromptu boot camp.