Monday, 23 December 2013

The funny side of DD

Yesterday Mistress and I had discussed the lack of discipline in our home and asked if I was missing her authority. I admitted I was. I explained how, when I felt she was in charge, I was much happier with doing all my chores and serving her. But when I received no recognition for my efforts – either good or bad - I felt a strange resentment welling with in me.

The conversation did not last very long. Mistress made to effort to pursue my line of thinking. I felt deflated once more.

I need not have worried. After dinner tonight, Mistress asked me, “do you feel the need of a whipping tonight boi?”

I said no. My response was met with raised eyebrows. “Do you feel the need of the whip tonight boi,” she repeated in the same tone as before.

“Yes Mistress.”

I knew this was a one-time opportunity to restore some kind of order to our DD regime. Deny Mistress this opportunity ad there may not be another.

When I went to fetch the cane I could feel my heart thumping in my chest and a stirring down below.

The punishment was harsh. If we have to do this I wish it was regular so I might train myself back to coping with it better.

Hard strokes, as ever from the start. Six moderate paced ones hurt like hell from cold. Followed by six fast ones. A brief break then it was relentless. 18 strokes, no breaks. The pain was excruciating and after each of the last six or so, Mistress was telling me to hush. She stopped at 18 to tell me to keep the noise down.

The next stroke was incredibly hard. I can’t remember a cane stroke ever having such force. Even on the bench, I felt myself rock forward. Another one, just as hard.

This time I felt a dizzy feeling as I rocked forward and toppled over, still tied to the bench. Luckily the leather armchair broke my fall.

We both erupted into laughter as Mistress tried unsuccessfully to pull me and the bench back up straight!

Our ‘bench’ is a leather-topped stool, to which is tied a footstool. I kneel on the footstool and then my stomach goes over the leather pad of the high stool and my wrists are fastened to the bottom of the far side of the high stool. My legs are also tied down. Theoretically I can’t move, and I crash-landed into the facing armchair, still tied to the bench. Only by now, the legs of the footstool had broken.

It took an age for Mistress to release me from my bonds since she was laughing uncontrollably – as was I, despite the fire in my bottom.

It took when felt like an age to untie me, and restore order. I still had to thank Mistress for my punishment and she insisted on inspecting my stripes - but later she called me back before her.

“You broke my stool. And I think you toppled over deliberately to avoid me completing your punishment,” she said with a look that was once more very stern. “Didn’t you?”

“No Mistress.”

“I’m sorry,” she enquired, unbelieving of my response.

I knew where this was going.

“Yes Mistress. I’m sorry I broke your stool.’

“Exactly. If you had taken the punishment properly and not been creating such a fuss over a few cane strokes then you would not have rocked the bench so much. I’m very disappointed that we weren’t able to complete the punishment. We’ll have to deal with this later.”

“Thank you Mistress.”

In all honesty, I was just as disappointed it all came to an abrupt end. Yes, I was suffering but only something that was way overdue. Something that was needed. I think both of us felt very cheated by what happened, but at least it was a memorable moment. I’m worried next time might be memorable for very different reasons.

Mistress, in a fantasy world

I mentioned in my last blog that that fact that I don’t actively encourage Mistress to punish me anymore, doesn’t mean I don’t continue to fantasize about corporal punishment.

Rarely a day goes by without some thought about the subject crossing my mind. Some days it’s a fleeting moment, others it lasts for hours and involves surfing the internet for interesting factual history items, keeping abreast of my favourite blogs, learning about DD or simply surfing video clips. When Mistress allows!

The one thing that interests me and worries me is that the longer I go between being punished, the more extreme my fantasies become.

I find judicial-style punishments fascinating. Not the brutality of the real thing, but people who like to act out a more severe form of corporal punishment either at home or by visiting a pro-domme.

Before I met Mistress I did experience a judicial caning ritual at the hands of a Lady and it’s since become my default setting for my interest in CP.

It was, at that point in my life, the single most intensely painful punishment session I had endured but, in being secured, comfortably to a proper bench and then being caned in the most methodical way, it was also the most rewarding of experiences for a CP enthusiast.

Of course, I’ve since learned that you don’t have to endure a judicial-style caning to suffer and many is the time in recent years that Mistress has reduced me to a blubbering, hapless individual with her impressive application of the cane to my poor bottom.

So it was last night when Mistress was out with her girl friends that I was surfing  that I started to wonder, what would be my top three CP fantasies?

So I decided to have a bit of fun and offer them to you. I just hope that the old adage of ‘be careful what you wish for,’ doesn’t suddenly come true. Anyone else got some fantasies to discuss?

Taking to a professional disciplinarian

Mistress reads my comments about my Judicial with professional discplinarian. She is so incensed I still derive pleasurable thoughts about being caned by someone she insists on taking me back to the Lady in question for punishment.

So there are, appointment made and heading north in the car. Mistress has made me dress in my punishment panties, riding boots and rubber raincoat. Nothing else and there I am, sat in the passenger seat, contemplating my fate, as Mistress drives in silence.

At the Lady’s  I’m introduced by Mistress as ‘the Boi we spoke about on the phone who’s in need of a judicial.’ I’m sentenced to 60 strokes – six batches of 10, each batch delivered alternatively between the Lady and Mistress……..

It’s the intense humiliation of being taken to my fate by Mistress – and Mistress helping administer punishment that fuels this. My fantasy suggesting that the two Ladies would work together in increasing the intensity of punishment with each batch delivered to leave me screaming and begging for mercy. But in my fantasy, neither of them show any.

Boot camp

Mistress decides on a strict, one-day boot camp situation under her supervision from noon to midnight. I’m required to spend all day locked in a uniform of  PVC clothing: plastic pants with nappy (to negate the need for toilet breaks), heavy black pvc oversuit, sbr mackintosh with all bottons and belts secured. My wrists and legs are in chains. The only respite from this is for punishment - plus the wrist chains come off as I prepare food for Mistress.

Every hour is punishment. Still in uniform I have to perform one minute running on the spot, 10 star jumps, 10 press-ups and 10 sit-ups. Then I to strip and go over the bench, unrestrained for 12 strokes of the thin Dragon cane. Failure to maintain position results in starting all 12 again. Extra punishment outside of this hourly tarrif is at the discretion of Mistress.

I’m required to spend three 20-minute sessions - after 3pm, 6pm, 9pm punishments - locked in an outhouse which is very cold at this time of year.

The rest of the time is spent on household chores, preparing food for Mistress, or tending to any other of her needs.

The rules are simple. To do Mistress bidding without question. Only speak when spoken to. Raise me hand to request permission to speak. Not permitted to stand in the living room. Cold food only to be eaten from plate on floor. Cold water only to be fed by straw.

It’s a grueling, painful 12 hours, but Mistress is delighted that this boot camp is so effective in terms of an attitude adjustment that she decides to implement as a regular monthly feature of our regime.

Punishment witness

Mistress has just strapped me to the bench and administered the first of a 36-stroke punishment when he mother comes into the house.

She’s not expected but has her own key and lets herself in while Mistress is engrossed in my punishment.

Her appearance is a shock for us both but and by far the most humiliating experience for me that I can imagine as her Mother asks what is going on.

Mistress explains that she’s had to resort to such methods to keep me in line and any embarrassment she is suffering is immediately countered when her Mother congratulates her in her old-fashioned disciplinary methods and asks her carry on.

If goes without saying that Mistress canes me as hard as she can – all under the watchful gaze of her Mother as I’m reduced to tears, begging for mercy.

Wednesday, 18 December 2013

The ebb and flow of a DD regime

I’ve finally got the computer back this week. Initially we thought the airport card was down but the repair company said they could find nothing wrong with it but the internet seems to be a little more consistent – thought it still comes and goes. It’s frustrating to know nothing has really been solved.

Our DD regime has been through some frustrating times too. In fact it’s been very quiet, dwindling to nothing recently. This time, it’s Mistress who has been so incredibly busy with work that’s she’s had no time to worry about keeping me in check.

I’ve done my best to keep up my chores – making things as easy as possible for her to carry out her work but I’ve come up short in my attitude.

I think my blog notes in the past have shown that although I ache to live a submissive lifestyle 24/7 serving Mistress, the reality is that I’m not a very good sub at all. Which is why we’ve always needed DD to keep me in line. Let me explain why.

It seems that when Mistress shows her authority and control, I have incredibly strong submissive feelings toward her and am quite happy in servitude. The bond is strong and we both are very happy in our chosen lifestyle.

However, when I’m doing absolutely everything around the house and get no reaction one way or the other from Mistress, I begin to feel resentful. And that manifests itself in me moaning about the unbalanced situation and becoming very negative.

Not only does that create bad feeling, it means my attention to Mistress begins to wane. I’ve deliberately ignored some chores and all that happens is they pile up until I finally do them
Normally there would be a punishment way before reaching that stage, with quickly order restored but this has been going on for several weeks to the point where we have started to squabble.  

I know Mistress is busy and, people will say if I were a true, loving sub then I’d accept the situation and not only get on with it, I’d do even more. But it’s not that simple. I can’t help the feeling that’s growing inside that I’m doing all this work and not receiving any love for it.

The truth though is that some of the behavior I’ve shown in recent weeks I should have earned several thrashings but nothing has even been said.

Make no mistake, I don’t actually crave to be punished. As I’ve said before, I know how much it hurts and while I still fantasise about CP like I always have, I can’t say I enjoy the suffering of a real punishment at the hands of Mistress.

Having said that, I think we’ve reached a point in our relationship where the best way to restore the status quo would be punishment. It’s not a pleasant prospect but I think it would clear the air, cure our ails and show me the kind of attention I need.

Once that’s been done, we need to restore our DD regime properly and that means both of us showing commitment to each other regardless of our work situation.

Maybe I’m worrying without good reason and that other couples’ DD lifestyles ebb and flow in this way. Thinking about it, it’s a relationship like any other and is bound to have its ups and downs – though I’m sure some of the Ladies out there will be appalled by my attitude towards Mistress recently – and tell me that I should remember my place and buckle down.

I welcome your advice and comments.

Friday, 8 November 2013

Rubber mackintoshes and patent boots

Firstly, I must apologise for not updating this blog in the last week or so. It's not that nothing has happened. In fact we've been intensely active on the DD front. But my computer has been playing up and it's been difficult to stay on line for more than a few minutes before it crashes!

As soon as it's fixed we'll be back to reveal all. In the meantime, this is something I prepared last week and never got around to posting. While I'm on line I thought I'd post it now before despatching the computer to the engineer to fix the glitch that's been playing havoc with my internet connection for several weeks now.

There’s not many of us who would trade the winter months for summer sunshine although there are some benefits to be had from the colder, wetter climate we have to endure.

It’s an excuse to be out and about in long boots and protective rainwear.

Mistress has a fabulous collection of boots, including several delicious pairs of over the knee patent ones. Among her massive collection are some really nice brown-topped, black riding boots, lovely rich burgundy patent knee boots etc etc. She even has a fab pair of Hunter wellies.

How many pairs of boots does a girl need? As many as possible I’d say and the real bonus is that not only do I get to see her wearing them, it’s also my job to help her put them on, take them of – and ensure they are always clean.

Mistress is a bit lacking in the rainwear collection. Well, in my humble opinion she is. In her wardrobe are all manner of modern rain coats and jackets but as far as proper traditional raincoats, she has a couple of shiny PVC rain jackets and has just bought a really nice shiny black PU trenchcoat. It’s wonderfully stylish but not rainproof.

So she could still do with a really good quality raincoat – the jackets are good but her legs get wet during heavy rain so we’re looking at a more traditional mackintosh.

I’m trying to persuade her that she needs an SBR trenchcoat – the only really true waterproof rainwear. Three requirements of a new mackintosh are, it has to be waterproof (and not just ‘showerproof’), it has to keep her legs dry too and has to have a built-in hood. The only place we can see to buy an SBR mackintosh is Weathervain in London – but the costs are prohibitive.

We’re also looking at a PU trenchcoat from Rainmac in Midhurst but neither of us are convinced it will keep out the rain as good as her vintage heavy PVC rain coats.

Since summer broke and the rains came, I’ve also taken to wearing traditional rainwear. As regular readers will know, we have a wardrobe full of rubber and pvc clothing, including several really old PVC mackintoshes which I only wear as housecoats. And my inhibitions don’t allow me to feel comfortable wearing some of this totally suitable waterproof clothing in public.

I do possess a really top quality, single-breasted SBR mackintosh and a rather nice DKNY raincoat which has a latex-rubber look finish though is actually PVC, both that I bought to wear in public – but until recently I rarely have.

However, it seems I’m finally on the way to overcoming my self-conscious feelings of wearing a mackintosh in public and since the weather has turned I’ve not only worn both of them (at different times – I’m not layering as some rainwear fans like to do), I’ve also worn two shiny black PVC, one a jacket and the other a slightly longer raincoat that makes the most outrageously loud schlocky sounds as I walk.

The one thing I’ve not fully embraced is wearing them in our home town – but I did venture out in the more conventional DKNY raincoat recently and felt great.

As I’ve said before I’ve always felt there is a stigma attached to men wearing shiny black raincoats (I blame the era I was brought up in). What changed recently was seeing a chap on the London underground wearing a yellow PVC storm coat, zipped up to the neck, and blue wellies – on a late summer’s  day when there was no clouds in the sky. But I didn’t notice anyone paying any more attention to him than usual.

There may have been a reasonable explanation for his mode of dress but Mistress and I both agreed that if he was the rainwear enthusiast he appeared to us to be, then jolly good luck to him.  And Mistress said at the time, “if he can dress like that, there should be no reason why you shouldn’t wear your raincoats in public, is there?”

And it’s been a great pleasure wearing them, especially the times when I’ve been out with Mistress who is similarly PVC clad. Though I’ve also been out and about, wearing them on my own.

Now, I don’t go anywhere without one of my mackintoshes being in the car because I aim to make maximum use of my rainwear collection and derive maximum pleasure from what ever the winter weather throws at us  

Monday, 28 October 2013

Other's views of our DD

The benefits of sharing thoughts through an FLR blog are that you receive comments that help you put another slant on your thinking and help broaden your own views.

A good example of this was the response to my recent blog post regarding the current ‘training period’ Mistress has instigated.

As I noted, Mistress has done away with maintenance punishment in favour of using corporal punishment to discipline me, as and when she sees fit.

She obviously decides when disciplinary methods are required but there is also an onus on me to self-report any of my failings that I know warrant her attention.

I took this to mean obvious shortcomings but WhMs made an excellent observation, asking whether this self-reporting should include failing in my inner thoughts too.

WhMs’ comment actually read: “Are you also putting in any mental/emotional moments of sullenness, resentment, exasperation, whatever, even if they didn't have any outward manifestation?”

I’d not thought of this but it’s a very good point and one that I would agree is very pertinent to our DD regime. Considering this, yes, my thoughts should be of matter for Mistress’ consideration.

It’s one thing to say ‘Yes Mistress’ and accept her direction – but it’s another if inside there is some adverse emotion. I think in most case I am quite transparent – Mistress knows if I m rebelling against her authority – but I will admit that there are times when I’m in another room and inwardly rebel, take a deep breath and then go to Mistress perfectly compliant. 

I also wondered in my last post how things might be once Mistress is more satisfied by my level of compliance within this revised regime.

The view of WhMs is: “I'll be very interested to see how that plays out - how much of her vision and enjoyment is based on a more compliant subby vs. how much is the enjoyment of keeping you on your toes, making you stretch out of your comfort zone? A non-relaxed you may be pretty enticing.”

I think WhMs is right on this point too and I’m sure Mistress would prefer an always attentive subby. It’s a daunting prospect of no let up in our domestic discipline but I’m sure WhMs is 1000% right and that’s how it should be.

dualpurpose27 had a similar thought to WhMs and said: “During your training period Mistress is deciding what is important to Her and exactly how you should behave in each situation. You are being trained and learning how to be compliant.

“I think your speed and ability to ‘learn and become totally compliant’ will drive your ability to ‘relax’. However, I suggest you disabuse yourself of the concept of ‘relax’. You need to remain attentive, compliant, supportive, and totally submissive at all times.

“Therefore, you must always be alert and attentive to Mistress's needs, moods, and desires. You must anticipate, adapt, and behave properly at all times. When you have learned, then yes, you will have fun, pleasant, and extremely enjoyable times together. You will talk, laugh, enjoy social events, and have fun shopping. From experience, I suggest you learn quickly.”

Again, such eloquent thoughts. The pertinent point is, as dualpurpose27 says, remaining alert, being more aware of Mistress and her needs, which is the one area I’ve been negligent in the past and where I really need to focus.

It’s also why Mistress and I both agreed that a DD lifestyle would be an ideal way to keep our relationship on track and fresh.