Sunday, 18 November 2012

Why domestic discipline works for us

In my last post I wrote about our latest maintenance punishment.

It was a harsh, methodical 36-stroke caning, delivered at a set tempo, with me just being able to count each stroke and thank Mistress before the next one.

Sub Teddy commented: “Ouch. You really conveyed the sense of pain in this post. I can't imagine having to suffer this, or I can imagine it now but I don't see how I would be able to take it.”

I thought about that, and why we adopted domestic discipline into our lifestyle, and why we use the cane. And, as Ted Subby suggested, I thought about why I would want to suffer.

The first thing is that I have always been excited by corporal punishment and always felt a deep need to experience it. That didn’t happen till I was in my 40s and I enjoyed the experience. And I still feel that need – even though I’m now caned frequently.

The one thing that’s always struck me about CP is that it’s got to hurt to have any effect – even when we were playing games I wanted to be pushed a little beyond my limits.

Early in my relationship with Mistress, some seven years ago, we played CP games but over the years it’s developed to the point that we now only use CP as a means of punishment.

For any punishment to be effective it has to have the effect of acting as a deterrent – it has to be something you don’t actually enjoy.

Being taken to ‘a little beyond my limits’ was quite sexually exciting and certainly no deterrent, so Mistress and I discussed a way of using CP as an effective means of correction – for the real faults that I have.

Some of my real faults that could, if not nipped in the bud, could ultimately affect our relationship; showing a lack of respect, arguing, forgetting one’s place. You could argue we could overcome these faults by discussing them as many couples do (and a lot don’t!), but it’s never that simple, especially if the one with faults goes into a sulk – and refuses to talk anyway.

So rather than long drawn out sulks on my part, we agreed that a short sharp corrective shock would be a far more effective method of maintaining the good nature and balance of the relationship.

The other thing is that we both felt it would give Mistress confidence and authority, something she needed coming of a previous miserable relationship that had left her low on self esteem.

We discussed ways of how we could introduce a Domestic Discipline regime, using effective corporal punishment, even though it was something that up to that point we had used as part of a ritual to derive pleasure.

We decided to increase the severity to way beyond anything that would give me any kind of  pleasure. We opted to use the severest cane we have, ensure that it was always used full force and, the number of strokes would go way beyond what we knew were limits I previously derived pleasure from.

We also established a weekly maintenance session because we knew that in the past it was too easy for one of us, ‘not to be in the mood,’ and that under our new regime we had to have a strict code in order for everything to be an effective deterrent.

If I’m honest, I have driven a lot of this in the past but recently Mistress has become the one in control. She decided when to cane and how. We have an agreement that I accept this or the DD regime ends.

You could argue that as a corporal punishment enthusiast, I derive pleasure this stricter lifestyle and I agree to an extent, and I’ll openly admit I still derive pleasure from thinking about corporal punishment, from reading about it, from writing about our experiences. In many ways, I’d like Mistress to be even stricter and I truly believe she would if we spent more time together and didn’t have so many outside influences affecting both us. But, as she has said, maybe the reality of her taken total control and being truly dominant might not be the exciting lifestyle I think it might be.

One thing is certain, these days I try desperately to avoid being caned – and actually dread Thursday’s weekly maintenance.

And that is exactly the effect we thought was necessary to make this work. No child ever looked forward to going to headmaster’s office for the cane. No borstal boy ever derived pleasure receiving the birch. No prisoner ever enjoyed being whipped. Corporal punishment, used correctly, has always been a deterrent – something to be feared.

In many ways I think we’ve already achieved that.

I won’t deny it’s been a roller-coaster ride to maintaining this regime but we are still going and I’d say our relationship is blossoming on all fronts thanks in part to our DD lifestyle.

I was interested to try and understand more why this regime is so important to us, why it is necessary. I started reading an old 2007 Disciplinary Wives Club survey online and, out of the 150 women who responded to the survey, 90 of them who disciplined their partners said that ‘men always have a little boy inside them who benefits a good spanking.’  That’s more than half of the respondents and I’d say is a pretty good assessment of the male psyche. Does anyone agree?

77 said that they enjoyed the power they had over their men, 70 said ‘he is more pleasant and relaxed after a spanking,’ and 61 said it ‘created a very special bond between us.’ Only 32 did it for sex play. In other words, four fifths of those women interviewed were pretty serious about using CP in the home as a corrective measure, rather than play. And 100 of them said that they were confident and expected to be obeyed once they had ordered their partner for a spanking.

602 men out of some 800 men participants said that being spanked was all about enjoying the power exchange, but 423 said it was about feeling a need to be punished.

One respondent said: “It hurts and is not erotic except in the fantasy side, or leading up to it – but it does create a need and a desire to be there, and afterward a firm reminder about behaviour.”

So to get to Ted Subby’s comment that he couldn’t imagine suffering like I do. It’s not nice at the time. It hurts like hell, and there have been times I’ve begged for a caning session to stop.  Since Mistress has perfected her application of the rod, each session turns me into a wimpish wreck and brings tears to my eyes.

But it’s a very important part of our relationship.

Ted says he can’t imagine how he’d be able to take it. Badly, if he’s like me. I’m fastened to a bench to take my caning otherwise I’d be up and refusing to take any more after the first half dozen.

So why do I subject myself to this, knowing I might be reduced to tears, knowing my bottom is going to have a patch of deep purple stripes at the end of the session? After all, I was the one driving this from the outset. Because, just as we hoped, it works as a corrective measure, it cleanses, and relieves any tension between us. It helps keep me on track and Mistress enjoys a special kind of authority over me. And like the DWC survey suggests, I think that the naughty boy inside me does need regular discipline.
To enter into this lifestyle takes a huge amount of trust and respect on both sides, a really strong bond between the two of you – but we both think that bond is even stronger now.

And when I start to stray, I think of the cane and have to take a long-hard assessment of whether spending too much money or not bothering to clean the loo or not having dinner ready on time is worth the pain I’ll ultimately suffer.

That doesn’t mean I’m some kind of doormat – far from it – we still lead very normal lives, but the DD regime just keeps both of us on our toes – me especially - and adds a very special element to our relationship.


  1. For some of us it is a rewarding and satisfying way to live. I am the boss in the outside world and she is the Mistress of the house. When i am with my wife in the outside world I know to mind my p's and q's and we get along famously. A lot of her women friends talk about how well she has trained her husband!
    I enjoy the beatings and thrashings and am always better behaved afterwards.
    Have a good week. look forward to reading more about your maintenance.

    1. It's an interesting lifestyle we both lead. Intersting also that you say you are better behaved after a thrashing. Do you really feel that way - and if so, how long before that effect wears off? I only ask because for me it's sometimes days, other times weeks. Do you ever start to feel a 'need' to be punished again after that (see my latest post) or do you just lose your way znd need bringing back into line again?

  2. I understand everything you said, but what I don't understand is the weekly maintenance thrashing. It seems that your good behavior can not keep you from getting thrashed. If you are going to get thrashed whether you are good or bad, then how is it a deterent?

    1. Downlow, that's a good question I've tried to answer more fully in my latest post. The short answer is, that no matter how hard I try, I always have faults. The deterrent factor is that the corrective process could always be far more severe!