Sunday, 16 September 2012

Six key points to revive our DD regime

With Mistress away on business for a couple of days since I wrote the last blog post, it’s given me a lot of thinking time and last night I posed myself a question, if we do resume our Domestic Discipline lifestyle - and we embrace it as we did before, how could it become more effective and work for both of us?

First thing, I respect that there are not yet any guarantees we will resume, since that is ultimately a decision Mistress will take.

However, I think I know her well enough that she wants to get back to DD as much as I do – if only to get me back on the straight and narrow!

Essentially, I don’t think there was anything too wrong with how our DD regime worked before my health blip. But there always can be improvements.

I think the one major thing is that we both accept that this requires 100% commitment from both parties to work.

I definitely need to remember my place and remember the three main tenants of our regime: Mistress is always right. Never say no to Mistress. Never argue with Mistress. They probably amount to the same thing but those were the top three rules we drew up in a huge list when we first embarked on this DD lifestyle. We found most of them largely found superfluous because if you live this lifestyle you instinctively know what is right and what isn’t.

I’m ashamed to admit that in recent weeks that I’ve been guilty of ignoring those three rules and many other unwritten ones on a persistent basis.

Secondly I need to stop taking Mistress for granted. I need to pay more attention to Mistress’ needs and afford her more respect than of late.

Our ‘vanilla’ relationship is perfect, so why need a DD regime? Because we’ve found it brings us closer together and is a great way to relieving any kind of tension of stress in the home. But it does take some hard work and focus to maintain it.

The whole point of a female led relationship is that the submissive male should lavish that extra bit more love and care on the lady of the house and make her feel special. I see it also as my place to do chores that Mistress either doesn’t enjoy – or hasn’t the time to attend to. I’ve been very lacking in that area of late.

On Mistress’ side I think she could be more assertive and much stricter. I know that’s something all sub males might fantasize about in a dominant partner but if Mistress has a fault, it is that she is too loving and caring.

She is, after all, still finding her way in this lifestyle. Remember, she knew nothing of corporal punishment games when we first met, let alone a full-on DD regime, so she’s come one heck of a long way in a relatively short time. I’m really proud of her, and love her very much.

But assertive in her role is absolutely essential. I need to know that when Mistress says do this or don’t do that she really means it. And adopting a strict, no nonsense approach reinforces the assertiveness. We’re also talking about a need for consistency too so this needs a 24/7 mindset – for both of us.

I can adopt a very prickly, offish and sometimes nasty attitude (which I’m not proud of) if I’m pushed into do something I don’t want to do in my work so maybe Mistress is unsure how far to push me. I think she also fears the rejection of me saying no to her commands. I’ve done this in the past but we’ve gone past that .But I think the possibility of rejection is still an issue.

So, assuming I get my act together and start behaving like the submissive I claim to want to be, and Mistress becomes more assertive what, practically, do I think needs to happen?

1. We need to sit down and re-evaluate our DD regime – just to ensure we are both of the same mindset and remind us why we want this and what the ground rules are.

2. We need to re-establish our Thursday evening maintenance punishment routine. That formed a corner-stone of the regime because it was a point of focus for an entire week.

I think it needs to continue to be a minimum number of 36 strokes, applied full-force, with the thin Dragon cane – as we originally agreed was necessary. But obviously Mistress can add extras if required.

I also think the dreaded thin Dragon needs to be reserved solely for the purpose of  this maintenance punishment. It’s by far the most potent weapon in Mistress’ cupboard of implements. We have plenty of other tools that can be used at other times.

The one change I’d suggest to Mistress is that the 36 strokes would be delivered in one batch. I know I’ll regret saying that, but what happened before was Mistress used to deliver them in three batches – the middle batch rapid fire. I understand it is her prerogative to punish as she sees fit but the maintenance session, we agreed, was something to be feared to attain that focus. And as such there needs to be some kind of ‘judicial’ rule how that punishment is delivered. Haphazard caning methods didn’t achieve that effect.

3. The fact we have a weekly maintenance punishment should not preclude Mistress using corporal or other forms of punishment at any other time should circumstances warrant it. Maintenance offers a point of focus and is punishment for all the minor infractions that happen during a week.

4. I need to focus on my chores. But it would be helpful if Mistress enforced some kind of routine and I think Thursday evening could become a focus for that, following maintenance punishment. The routine could be to get changed into clothes befitting servitude as soon as I get home from work. Punishment would follow immediately before tea. That would leave the evening for chores. I think it would help to draw up a list of regular chores that are expected of me, plus a ‘to do’ list. That list could be monitored on a weekly basis by Mistress.

5. I believe we urgently need Boot Camp to reinforce the commitment from both sides. We’ve tried Boot Camp before over a long weekend and its intensity really is an effective tool. It is very, very tough, mentally and physically, on both sides. For Mistress it means enforcing every last little rule and picking up on anything and everything. That in itself is hard work. And for myself it’s so hard to ensure everything is 100% to Mistress’ demands. Boot Camp means no fault goes unpunished so there is a fair bit of pain to endure. However it is a truly effective way of restoring order in the house and I think absolutely essential, given our current situation. The period of Boot Camp needs discussion but it should be a minimum of three days.

6. There’s two personal areas where Mistress cold really help me. I need to loose weight and I need to curb my spending. As I have a total lack of will-power it would really help if Mistress helped with some kind of routine and targets. We can work together on the weight loss with Mistress taking control of my diet and ensuring I keep a regular gym programme. My spending habits can be controlled if I have  to ask permission before buying luxury goods – and being limited to a weekly allowance that can be easily checked through my bank statements by Mistress.

Summing up, if we are going to continue, we need to return to the 24/7 DD we had but with much more consistency. Mistress needs to adopt a more assertive, stricter role. I need to apply myself better to my chores, and become much more thoughtful, caring and in tune with Mistress’ needs.

I’d love to hear what others think of my thoughts and the six points I’ve laid out. Mistress and I plan to discuss things when she returns and it would be good to add some of your feedback.

As a point of interest, I found this list of household chores on Disciplined Boyfriend’s blog
They pretty much cover mine too and I think the list makes a great starting point.

Make bed
Clean toilet
Clean bath
Cook meals
Clean kitchen
Tidy lounge
Put out rubbish to bin
Put out recycling to bin
Tidy bedroom
Do laundry – bedding, towels and clothing


  1. Your Mistress might find a conversation about all of this quite difficult to handle. Try writing an appealing letter and then wait upstairs whilst she reds it. I am sure you know what to ask for - just give her the space to read it in private.

  2. RM-
    You have generously given much of what seems to be going on inside you and have expressed those thoughts quite well. I wish you all the best in getting things resolved between you and your Lady.

    Its interesting that there seems to be several dialogs at various places on the blog-o-sphere about re-defining our FLR relationships. Perhaps its something to do with the way the stars (and planets) are aligned.

  3. How about taking your wife for dinner or a quiet drink and broach the subject. Then you can tell her everything you would like from her as a mistress. Find out what she wants from it all.

    PS, our tasks page is well out of date but it serves us well in the initial phases. Now we just do these things automatically. It's still a list that can be used to assess standards.

  4. I have a hard time losing weight and Miss V and I have an arrangement where if I don;t work out, I get to remain in chastity and if I do, she gets to decide whether I remain in chastity or not. Right now, I have been in chastity for a week, even though I have worked out every day. We introduced a random element into it that V loves. We have a container with green and red marbles. When I work out, a marble is switched from red to green, when I don't work out, the opposite happens. When V wants to have an orgasm, she pulls a marble and the color determines if I get release or not. There are 16 marbles in total, and every Sunday, the count resets to as many green marbles as there were days in which I worked out in the past 7 days.

    It works.

  5. The let reading material you both need before any further discussion is "Uniquely Rika".
    It is powerful and the perfect handbook for those truly interested in A FLR lifestyle

  6. Hello There Respecting Mistress, This is such an informative and thoughtful posting. My Mistress/Wife and i formed a Female Led Household several years ago. Like you, i experienced a "health blip". The health issue derailed things for quite some time. i am on the mend and would like to "re-establish" things as they were. Incidentally, Mistress has expressed a similar interest. i was able to relate to your posting on numerous levels. i have been taking my Mistress for granted as of late. Additionally, i have not been performing any of my chores since our DD relationship has gotten sidetracked. The most profound item you mentioned that struck a cord with me was that your vanilla relationship is 100% sound. Our is as well. However, the introduction of a DD Lifestyle brought us much closer together. Our level of communicatio flourished. i miss that and would like to get back to where we were. i would welcome the opportunity to strike up a conversation with you through email if that is possible.