Thursday, 28 June 2012

The reality of the cane

I was catching up on my favourite blogs when I read an interesting post on Michael’s always engaging where he was asking if any of us fantasised about visiting a professional disciplinarian.

He was pondering how well he might be able to take the severe cane or paddle strokes from a harsh and unforgiving Lady. I’m sure many of us have had the fantasy. But, from his previous posts, it sounds like his wife doesn’t hold back in punishing him so I was surprised he brought the subject up - because he might well have earned himself a severe punishment session from his wife as a result.

It was a thought provoking post though.

Before my relationship with Mistress I did occasionally visit professional disciplinarians to explore my fantasies.

I chose the disciplinarians with a reputation for being hard caners and received some fairly severe punishments but there was always a feeling that I was the one in control of the situation, and while they hurt me, I never felt like I’d been pushed beyond my limits.

If I’m honest, I lay part of that down to the way I approached the disciplinarian.

Maybe I wasn’t forthcoming enough to explain what I was looking for and maybe, because I was never a regular visitor to any one disciplinarian, none were prepared to really push me.

I always found that if I got a bit too vocal, the next few strokes would be a bit easier to take, so it was never like the real punishment I always wanted to experience. And, I suppose no matter how hard I tried to offer real faults for these people to cane me, it never felt like my guilt was being assuaged.

One lady who stood out though did give me a 36-stroke Judicial caning. That really hurt and took me places I never knew existed. To say I suffered is an understatement but even then, when it was finished, I wanted more.

But the biggest thing I could never overcome was going home feeling that something was really missing from those visits. I only realized what it was once I started dating Mistress and she agreed to indulge my fantasies by caning me. I think we both then discovered that incredible deep loving bond that comes with the flood of emotions after a punishment session.

The other aspect of being punished by the one you love is that limits don’t have to be respected. I’m not suggesting I’m being thrashed senseless but if the aim is to punish then it makes sense that suffering is part of the corrective process. It doesn’t make sense to a stick to any limit I might prefer. I’m delighted to say that Mistress is that ‘harsh, unforgiving Lady,’ when the mood takes her.

And finally, any time I receive the cane now is as a punishment for real faults so I always feel like I have learned a valuable lesson and the slate had been cleaned.

I suppose if Mistress herself came to a decision at some point that her punishments were not effective enough, and took it upon herself to book me an appointment with a professional disciplinarian, then I’d have no option but to go.

But it would have to be her suggestion and I’d hope she would insist on being present to witness that the punishment would be at a level of severity she deemed acceptable.


  1. Interesting observations about how you and your mistresses' love becomes deeper from receiving punishment in a lifestyle relationship. This illustrates how "love" is rare in relations with pro dommes.

  2. Huh. To receive 36 sound strokes once, it is according to me a lot. A six of the best would be sufficient for me as foreplay.

  3. Very interesting post. Though an emotional connection can exist with a pro it is often one sided. Anytime money is the center piece of any relationship it changes things. I suppose seeing a pro is more about sexual obsession than love. Although the client can fool himself into believing he is in love with a pro he is more likely in love with his illusion or fantasy of who she is. Illusion and fantasy are what pro domination is all about after all. There is nothing wrong with that but what you have with your Mistress is real and that makes all the difference. Re level of severity I am sure you could find someone who could dish out what you require but she would not be there later to hold you, comfort you and tuck you in at night. Without the love BDSM loses a lot. We are both very lucky to be in lifestyle relationships with women who love and understand us.

  4. I desparately wish to be in a femdom relationship but am not. I only get my punishments from Pro-Dommes and can very much relate to the above. When you've finally got a good rapore with a Domme things start to click into place and a form of psoudo reality can click in. Only problem is that can be many hundreds of £££££ down the line.

    Oh this need for discipline