Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Reflections from the caning bench

Last Friday’s Boot Camp-style day and the other night’s punishment came as a real shock to my system but effectively re-booted what had become an almost non-existent domestic discipline regime.

The thing about Friday that had the most impression upon me – apart from the obvious discipline itself – was the way Mistress handled everything with such calm authority.

This loving, caring woman that I love so much, turned into a severe authoritarian, the other side of her that I also love.

In ever day life she’s about the most laid back individual I know. Nothing seems to upset her and  she’s always got a smile on her face but when she’s in that dominant mood she demands nothing less than 100% attention from me.

The impressive thing is the calm, controlled way she is in that situation. As I’ve said before, she’d adopts this look on her face that says, ‘you had better do what I say, or else,’ and it’s a look that really makes my tummy flutter. It’s a look that’s quite frightening but also humbling.

Many of us living in an flr talk about giving up control, and that covers a wide range of aspects within the relationship, but it’s that moment within the disciplinary context when you surrender to the look that you really do give over control.

The other thing that I enjoyed seeing – even if it was through tear-stained eyes at the time - was Mistress flushed with excitement, and with a glint in her eye, after each of Friday’s punishments. Once I’m up off the bench and she’s sat on the sofa I always have to parade my battered bottom in front of her so she can admire he handy work and decided if I warrant more. She always takes pride in a collection of parallel strips and hates it if there’s one that’s a little off line or has wrapped a bit too far.

She was delighted with Friday’s collection of stripes and seeing her reaction revealed just how much she was enjoying her role.  

From my point of view, I deserved the kind of severity that was handed out. I’d become over-bearing, carrying my workplace attitude into the home, something I’d said I really didn’t want to do.

I’m not making excuses for my behaviour but I work in a macho kind of place, where your first line of defence in confrontation is attack. So at home I had become rather cutting and flippant. And Mistress can’t abide flippancy.

Mistress actually said at one stage, ‘why are you being so nasty,’ so it was clear I had stepped way out of line. There was no ill intent on my part but it was the kind of thing that could have had a detrimental affect on our relationship if it hadn’t been nipped in the bud.

And interesting aside is that the reason Mistress stop the punishment after six strokes with the thin Dragon to fetch the school cane and paddle  was that she had drawn blood on the fourth stroke with the Dragon. “I was worried that if I’d continue to use it with the force you deserved we’d have to stop quite early on. I thought you deserved a thorough beating and knew the thicker cane wouldn’t draw blood so easily and I could really whack you with the paddle.”

Mistress is so caring at times. Pardon my flippancy.

Friday’s reintroduction of corporal punishment was therefore well-timed by Mistress. She knows I’m a CP enthusiast, so I get a certain degree of pleasure from being punished,  but she also knows my limits and she seemed pretty determined to take me way beyond As a real punishment it was very effective and a just reward for me being such an oaf.

The other thing I’ve noticed since is how it’s given our relationship back that ‘edge’, a certain indefinable frisson that’s been missing for weeks. We’ve discussed this and both of us agree there’s a closer bond between us but neither of us can fully explain why.

Maybe it’s that act of Mistress showing her love with her willingness to punish me that - whether it’s because she knows of my enthusiasm for CP or whether it’s because she thinks I’ll feel better having my guilt feelings assuaged, I’m not sure. 

Maybe it’s my submission to Mistress showing my love and trust in her that means I bend over willingly and accept her correction.

Tuesday punishment was something else. Rather than a corrective process to get things back on track, this was typically how I’d expect a full-functioning flr to work. I broke a golden rule and was caned immediately. There was no discussion, no suggestion of my trying to get out of what I had coming. It was a short, sharp punishment and normal life resumed immediately.

With my bottom still marked and bruised from Friday I wasn’t expecting to incur Mistress’s wrath so soon but I have to admit it was a very effective way of Mistress enforcing her authority.

In the past Mistress would have gone easy on me, with my bottom so marked from a recent punishment. In fact, as I said in my previous post, I expected to get a swift dozen, just as token gesture but what I got was another full-on thrashing.

It was almost like Mistress had planned this to underline the regime that had been reinstated on the previous Friday but when I asked her if this was the case, she flatly denied any grand scheme.

“When you came in and totally ignored me, I just thought, this is wrong. I knew I had to cane you. You wanted me to be strict and enforce the rules so that’s what I’m doing.”

Am I happy about all of this? Of course I am. It’s a daunting prospect that Mistress has seen to lay the ground rules so strictly but it’s probably the only way our flr is going to work on a long-term basis.

I’m sure we’ll have more ups and downs and I think it will probably take those Boot Camp-style days to drag things back on track. In fact, I think there are essential to underpin the disciplinary rules of the house if we slip from the weekly maintenance punishments again.

I’ve got to say that getting back on track was due in no small part to the enthusiasm shown by some of you reading this blog. I’ve questioned my willingness to commit to the flr I always dreamed of but thanks to the advice and encouragement from people like michalem, ken and Cora, and kaelah.

And, as Mistress eaglery pointed out over lunch, now Thursday is looming, my first date with a maintenance caning in several weeks. I wonder if Mistress really will enforce the rule or, in light of recent punishments, she’ll decide to forgo the routine? I think I already know the answer to that one.


  1. I appreciate the "flippancy"!! It is GOOD to know that your Mistress is NOT willing to "go overboard" and cut your posterior into ribbons, that she REALLY CARES about you and your DESIRES and WELL-BEING--otherwise, this is just ABUSE and SELF-ABUSE!! Just sayin'

  2. bobcat: Where on earth did you even get the slightest notion that our flr might be anything remotely connected with abuse or self-abuse? It's a dometic discipline regime between to conscenting adults who wish to enjoy a more ordered lifestyle. If you wish to know more about DD, try reading this which gives a really good account of another DD relationship although this one is M/f rather than our F/m relationship. in her peice Sarah says:
    'I have never been more cared for, more loved, more considered, more lifted up, more encouraged, more accepted, or happier than I have been in my relationship.' I couldn't have summed up my relationship with Mistress any better

  3. Glad you are enjoying being over the bench and under control.
    Not good form to ignore your Mistress.

    1. Not it's never good to upset our ladies, is it? I'm not exactly enjoying my week - at least not when I'm over the bench. It's a testing experience