Wednesday, 2 May 2012

The dilema of regular punishment

If you check out this blog on a regular basis you’ll have noticed little recent reference to any maintenance punishments that have formed the backbone of our domestic discipline regime.

In fact on April 5, I posted a note alluding to this very subject. And, checking back, it was February when I last suffered a weekend of any serious disciplinary procedures. And that was after a somewhat quiet period in our flr.

It’s because neither Mistress nor I have had time to think about that side of our lifestyle in the past few weeks, nay months, so apart from that little interlude with Loopy Johnny at the hotel, my bottom has been free from cane marks for some time.

Mistress has made a couple of references to me needing a good thrashing but I’ve not responded and the threat has ebbed away. I’m happy and sad about that at the same time.

Let me explain. For someone who has spent his whole life fascinated by the cane and wanting to experiences it harsh, sting effect, I’m a little shocked how little interest I’ve had in the thought of bending over to suffer its delights. But the truth is the weekly thrashings were becoming something of a challenge. I was struggling to face them. So when the opportunity came to take a rest from them, I didn’t complain.
I know there will be some of you reading this thinking that it’s not my choice to decide if or when I should be punished and you are quite right. Mistress has the ultimate sanction and if she had sent me to fetch the cane, then I would have done as ordered.

But I think Mistress has had an inkling thanks to my feeble excuses to avoid punishment some weeks back.
My failing since was not reminding Mistress that maintenance sessions were due, allowing that momentum of our regime to slip. I took full advantage of the fact Mistress was heavily involved in other ventures. I know, had I reminded her, the sessions would have taken place as normal.

Part of me is now, finally starting to feel an absolute desperate need to be caned, which is nothing unusual. But the real issue I have is a genuine fear of the cane.

There, I’ve admitted it. I know just how much those 36-stroke canings hurt – and how much I struggle to cope. And I know that’s going to happen every week if, or, when we resume.

I know some of us have discussed how our flrs have ebbed and flowed. Real life has to take precedence. I also know a lot of us have come into an flr because of our fascination with corporal punishment and strict female authority. But has anyone else struggled with the reality of punishment?

I know Mistress is keen to continue. But each time I get myself worked up to ask if we can resume the regime, I end up backing away and not doing anything because I’m not sure I want to suffer that searing pain.

There’s an irony there. I always wanted to know what it was like to really fear the thought of being caned. Well now I know and I’m in two minds whether it’s a good thing or bad.

I tell myself it’s good to fear the cane. To know and understand that suffering. It’s about purging the soul. Paying for my faults. I should embrace that suffering. And it’s a willingness to suffer at the hand of the Lady I love.

With discipline so relaxed now in the home, I’m not sure how I’d feel for Mistress to suddenly become as authoritarian as she was. Don’t get me wrong, I still have maintained my chores and still put Mistress first in situations where she should be considered in that way, but I have also been allowed to please myself a lot more than at the height of our flr.

My lazy male side enjoys its old freedoms. My submissive side misses the authority.

But the one thing I know for definite is that a half-way house cannot work. We either carry on as we are, without discipline – or we go back to a strict household and I learn to live with the regular punishment sessions.

The aspect I enjoy most about Mistress exerting her authority is the intense feeling of love and affection it brings. That sounds strange but it’s because Mistress has so much love for me that she wants to give me the experiences she knows make me happy.

It’s not all one way though. She gets a kick out of exerting her authority and thoroughly enjoys me waiting on her hand and foot.

I also believe both of us really could do with the stress relief a maintenance punishment session brings. I know how much more relaxed I feel afterwards and I also know that Mistress reaches a point where she really looks forward to laying into me with that thin Dragon.

Not only that, it keeps me on track. I’ve noticed is that with no threat of corporal punishment, faults that might have been dealt with immediately have not now just been going unpunished, some issues have lingered, creating an atmosphere when a swift dozen with the cane would have cleared the air immediately. Mistress and I have discussed all this at length. She allowed this flr to develop to please me and says the final decision has to be mine but once I’ve made it, then we stick with it.

Her gripe with me is not knowing where we are. The only thing she’s intimated is that she prefers the disciplined me. She says I’m becoming flippant again. And points out that  in the past, she would have thrashed me for such attitude.

Thinking about all this, writing it all down as part of my blog, has really helped give me some perspective on the issues.

It’s Thursday tomorrow, our once regular weekday for maintenance punishment. I need to really focus on whether or not I can suffer the mandatory 36 strokes of the thin Dragon. I tell myself it’s only a few minutes of suffering but it’s much more than that. As all of you in an flr know, it’s about a commitment to submission and accepting female authority in the home 24/7.

Whatever decision I make, I know there will be no going back. But I think most of you already know the likely outcome.

5 comments:

  1. Why not "accept" the number of strokes that you can ADEQUATELY manage instead of going with the full 36 strokes that you know will challenge you WAY beyond your comfort zone?? Why not 12 or 24--at least build up your tolerance level again??

    ReplyDelete
  2. Get yourself on your knees and beg for that thrashing. Then go upstairs and wait. There are no halfway stages if you enjoy and need an flr.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Here Here,couldn`t agree more with Michael since when did we start thinking of excuses just beg forgiveness and tell her your sorry ,davetouchintoes

    ReplyDelete
  4. Reading this post made me wonder whether or not you could be called a masochist. You do not really seem to enjoy pain, but still somehow you crave it - or maybe rather the effects it has on you or the context in which it is applied.

    Unfortunately, so far, I haven't found any context in which my husband can appreciate the application of pain. That's a pity, since I had so much fun the last time I spanked him.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks for all yoour comments.

    bobcat: Without being flippant, I suppose it's because it's meant to be beyond my comfort zone. When we first started this it was meant to be punishment and we both agreed that it would be pointless in it was within the comfort zone.

    michael: Absolutely spot-on with your comments - as ever.

    David: You are right. There shouldn't be excuses. It's a big failing of mine.

    Tamara: I think what you say is correct. There's an inner craving, laced with fear and excitement. But it is the context of the punishment that is deeply appreciated.

    ReplyDelete