I didn’t realise Mistress would be out tonight with friends but at least we’ve broached the subject of resuming our domestic discipline regime.
After our meal, I asked Mistress if she would mind us picking up where we had left off with our flr and I got the kind of immediate response I deserved.
“You were the one who kept coming up with excuses not to have weekly punishment so don’t expect me to just fall into line with what you want, just because you have a need for it this week.”
It put me in my place and I felt my face begin to flush. I should be embarrassed I thought, with all the whining and moaning I had come up with in the past weeks to avoid the cane.
“One thing is certain, if, and I say if, we do continue with the regime,” continued Mistress, “there will be a rule that you have no say in whether or not you are punished. It will be entirely down to me. And, if you break that rule, it will be the last we’ll speak of an flr or domestic discipline in this house. I’m fed up with you deciding when and when not you are in the mood to be play your submissive role.”
“Yes Mistress,” came the pathetic mumble from my lips.
My response earned a disparaging look.
"Yes Mistress," I said with the clarity of a soldier responding to an order from his staff-sergeant.
By now my heart was pounding. I was excited by Mistress’ sudden return to her authoritarian self but I was also mindful of what this all might mean. That wicked thin Dragon and those weekly canings that I had come to dread – and, worse still, her really strict boot-camp style disciplinary weekends. I don't mind admitting I felt real fear.
Tamara made a really good point in a comment to my previous post that, “you do not really seem to enjoy pain, but still somehow you crave it - or maybe rather the effects it has on you or the context in which it is applied.”
And I think she has summed it up perfectly because I do crave it and I do benefit its effects. Even so, the prospect it still daunting.
David was right to say it’s not our place to come up with excuses. I knew that, but it didn’t stop me from finding them.
But michaelm hit the nail on the head when he said, “there are no halfway stages if you enjoy and need and flr.”
I think that’s the point, it’s the sum of the entire relationship that simply works for me, but if I want that kind of relationship, then a part of it is being punished when I have displeased Mistress.
Isn't that why we want to live an flr lifestyle? We yearn to be submissive to our Lady's. To serve. To please. But a lot of us draswn to this lifestyle also have a fascination with corporal punishment. And being punished by the powerful woman in our lives.
Bobcat questioned why we shouldn’t just reduce the number of strokes of the maintenance session to allow me to build my tolerance level to the point where I could adequately accept the weekly 36 strokes.
But the whole point of our maintenance 36 is to punish. And to punish, Mistress and I decided long ago that the number of strokes had to be beyond what I found acceptable.
I’ve always believe that if you use domestic disciplinary procedures, then to be effective the punishment has to be beyond one’s limits. Mistress knew from experience I could suffer 24 strokes, but she also knew very well that 36 would be challenge. And she also knew that the thin Dragon cane was the most painful implement in our collection of canes.
So 36 strokes with the thin Dragon was the specific weekly tariff and we both agree that would not be negotiable. As far as limts go, 36 is still beyond mine!
When we started this regime, we both questioned whether I’d eventually manage the 36 without complaint but, up to the point of me crying enough with the weekly sessions, it simply wasn’t the case.
In fact Mistress has become more and more effective. Truthfully, I never saw this coming. Now she always canes me hard enough now that taking a mere 12 is a challenge in itself.
Remember we went through the erotic spanking games before we took up this flr lifestyle – and back in those days it was okay to call a halt if things got a bit too painful.
We adopted our weekly maintenance session in order to establish a routine. We had found that it was impractical to punish faults as they occurred, so the flr wasn’t progressing as we had hoped.
So each Thursday we have a quick discussion of anything that Mistress has issue with about my behaviour and then I am punished. At least I had been until I had my ‘wobble.’
Even sitting here typing this and thinking about the effect of the cane, I feel nervous about the future, but now the wheels are in motion I can only await Mistresses decision.
The reason I’m nervous is that I think that, as I said in my last post, Mistress really does enjoy my more submissive side and takes a deep delight in punishing me. My expectation is that if she does agree, and does insist on the new rule, then I’m going to be paying the consequences for messing her around with my silly behaviour for some time to come.