Monday, 12 March 2012

Fantasy or future DD reality?

If you asked me if I still fantasise about corporal punishment, even though I’m living in a female led relationship that uses CP as a means of maintaining discipline in the house, I’d deny I did.

But that’s obviously not true since I often spend time thinking about Mistress and what disciplinary sanctions she might apply. We discuss my thoughts, and hers, on the subject regularly but you would have to say that the initial thought process is part based on fantasy – even though we are living the lifestyle.

I’ve not blogged in a while because, as usual,  Mistress and I have both been incredibly busy so there’s been very little time spent focussing on the domestic discipline side of our relationship.  We’ve seen so little of each other in the past few weeks, that there’s very little I could have done wrong to necessitate correction,
although I’m surprised Mistress hasn’t used some disciplinary methods on me when we have been together purely as a means to relieve some of the stresses she been under with her work. She’s done it before.

So, I was driving home from an appointment today, wondering how different our flr would if we ever managed to be in a position to retire. Mistress has always told me that if we did get to spend more time together then she would be a lot stricter because sho knows how much it takes to keep me on track.

Only the other day she said, “I don’t like it when you come home after you’ve been on the road for a few days. You always seem far less submissive. It’s not good.”

I’d not really thought about it before but that particular day Mistress cooked tea when I got in and I have to admit I’d left dishes unwashed. I’d also not kept her supplied with cups of tea. After a long day I was happy to sit there and be waited upon – but that is not how the dynamic of our relationship is meant to be. The things I was taking for granted were only small things but those small things never get overlooked when I’m at home for any real length of time.

But it was my general attitude, according to Mistress, that annoyed her most. “You seem to be more argumentative, and always have to have the last say when you come home from a business trip,” she said. “I prefer it when you are more submissive and are more attentive towards me.”

I’ve never been aware of it before but I’m sure there’s something in what Mistress says. I’m not making excuses – because I know I’m in the wrong anyway, but it does take me time to adapt from being in a business-type environment where you have to hold your own to being at home as the submissive partner in a DD relationship.

Mistress said that the one thing I should do in future is drop my bags etc inside the door and immediately go the room she’s in and prostrate myself before her. We’ve yet to try it.

I know I shouldn’t need to be reminded of my place – but it’s the reality of life that living an flr is hard work and it probably explains why I normally get a good dose of the cane not long after getting back home. That’s always a sure way to bring out my submissive side.

But getting back to my thoughts about how things might be in future, I pondered how life might be.
My first thought is that Mistress would have me working more like a servant – at least at set times of the day. I could see preparing her bath, getting breakfast, tidying the kitchen – every day. I could see my having cleaning chores every day. And have a set routine of preparing the evening meal every night. And I could see spending much more time pampering her than I do.

 I do all these but only sporadically because of current outside influences. I could see working to a strict list of chores.

I can also imagine Mistress insisting on me wearing uniform every morning and every night, like she does now when I’m normally doing the house cleaning. But I can also imagine she’d insist on me wearing certain items from our fetish wardrobe in public – such as my plastic pants -  which she’s also done before “just to help remind you of your place”

I suppose it’s just more of the same that we already do - but on a daily basis, 24/7.

I can also see her been much more severe with corrective measures, not just with the cane, but introducing a range of methods such as tawseing the hands, back whipping. They are things we’ve discussed but don’t use currently because they are not really suitable in our current lifestyle.

So is this all pure fantasy?

Of course it is - but based on how our relationship works, and knowing Mistress’ enthusiasm for having someone to do all the necessary chores she hates, then I’d say she would positively encourage that side of our relationship.

So how would we both feel, living that kind of intense flr?

I’ve seen how Mistress enjoys me in a submissive serving role and how her dominant nature blossoms. I wouldn’t wish to assume anything because no one can predict the future but, bearing in mind her past comments, I think she would love to assume total control of the house and have me working as her maid/servant.

How would I feel about that? I’m a little frightened of the Mistress I might unleash but I also know how much I love her dominant persona so I’m prepared top take the risk. We are already well down the road.

But I also know deep down, that there would be times when I’d rebel against any hint of 24/7 authority but then that’s why we employ a domestic discipline regime in our home. Both of us know my weakness. And we both know that how effective the cane can be to overcome them. I’m not saying it cures my faults totally. Corporal punishment, no matter how harsh, is not 100% effective – or hasn’t been so far. But we both know it helps keep me on track which also pleases Mistress.

And what if the punishments became really harsh and I struggled to take them? I know how I felt when we’ve had boot-camp style weekends. Servitude can be very taxing.

Mistress would never use excessive methods but I’m well aware that she would relish pushing me beyond my current limits.

I actually hope that is the case – and it should be the case - because the one thing we’ve agree upon from the outset is that punishment has to be a corrective process. And part of that process is suffering.  It’s certainly not pleasure – though I’ll not deny there are elements of the process, before and after, that have sexual overtones.

However, if the regime does go where I see it heading, then I can forsee times when I really won’t want to submit to the cane. But as our current regime stands, I have no option. That happened in the past and we are beyond that now.

I am under no illusion that my only course would be to suffer the consequences and realise that Mistress would only use such harsh correctives measures because she loves me and she thinks I both deserve it and need it.

I believe that level of trust is something us submissive males have to accept once we have invited our loving wife or partner to follow this path.

In the meantime though, I’ve just had a text from Mistress saying she has not eaten and expects me to be in “servant mode” when she arrives home at around 9.30pm. I must go and get changed into something suitable and prepare her meal.

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