Thursday, 29 March 2012

The aesthetics of the cane and ritual

Crooked handled cane or straight? Either way it’s going to be a painful experience for the person bent over receiving it.

But aesthetically, which do you prefer?

I think it’s a case of the cane in its rightful place. The crookhandled cane somehow strikes a pang of fear in the pit of my stomach when I see it hanging on the door when I walk into the study. And it looks foreboding just laying there on the top of the desk while Mistress gives me the lecture I thoroughly deserve. A straight cane, which is never quite straight is it,  just doesn’t stir the same emotions in me in those situations.

I suppose it’s because I associate the crook handle cane with schoolrooms, where the cane might be hanging next to the blackboard. Or on the headmaster’s desk when you are stood there getting that lecture. I wish I'd experienced that fearful episode at school. And where you might see a crookhandled cane, you know it’s going to get a lot of use.

Mistress just doesn’t have that same degree of severity with the crook handle cane in her hand but that’s maybe because she doesn’t actually like using one? And I'm aware of that so in my head I know she's not at ease?

But Mistresses standing there, flexing the straight cane, with its leopardskin binding on the handle (ours come from Quality Control and you can get different colour bindings) is a totally different thing. That whispy thin yellow rod  just adds to her air of authority.

I suppose that relates to the images of Governesses that I’ve seen over the years. And I, rightly or wrongly, associate the straight cane with more judicial type punishments, punishments with a higher degree of severity than a typical school-type six of the best.

I know that scholars of the cane would argue that the crook handle of the traditional school cane imparts a degree of stiffness at the handle end for greater control. But on the other hand, isn’t a straight cane more whippy and therefore, capable of imparting an even smarter sting? Opinions please?

Talking of aesthetics, when we use to play  CP games (my term for our pre D/D lifestyle) Mistress used to dress for the occasions, sometimes in PVC or leather outfits, shiny boots or stilettos, sometimes even a long black or deep red dress – or even a short black skirt with white blouse. But since we adopted this D/D regime those outfits are left in the warddrobe. She’s not change at all and the entire punishment routine is carried out in her normal attire – whatever she happens to be wearing at the time. There have been times we’ve come in from shopping and she simply throws her coat of the sofa and tells me to fetch the cane.

I, of course, still have to present myself for punishment in what I’m told to wear, normally nothing more than my plastic punishment pants.

But although my fantasies used to be very strong on the typically thigh-booted dominatrix theme, I have to say that Mistress not dressing up for the occasion has actually been the right thing for both of us. When you live a domestic discipline regime the dynamic changes. It’s not like planning to go to see a professional disciplinarian where you map out a plan for each visit and describe your likes, dislikes and get what you pay for. And you get your head in the right space for that appointment.

In our lifestyle, Mistress is in charge and therefore determines who wears what and what the punishment might be. And when.

And, that's the important factor. You don’t plan. You never know when punishment might occur (apart from our weekly maintenance sessions) which also means that you never quite have your head in the right place to prepare for it either.

But that also means you live with a different mentality. I think that knowledge that the cane can be used at any time increases my submissive nature and, as a result I am 'much better behaved' towards Mistress than if we didn't have this regime in place.

And by not going through the rigmarole of getting changed to beat me, I think Mistress is actually sending me a message that this is not a game, she is very serious about her position as head of house and therefore any punishment session is going to be very real.

Have any of you gone through this kind of change in style in your punishment procedures over the years?

Friday, 23 March 2012

The trials and tribulations of self spanking

Kaelah’s recent post at Ludwig’s Rohrstock-Palast (rohrstockpalast.blogspot.com) explored her thoughts and experiences on self-spanking and triggered some memories in my distant past.

I'd not even given any thought to my early days of trying to understand my interest in corporal punishment until I read the post but can recall between the ages of about 12-16 I used to experiment with self whipping, rather than self spanking.

I was totally infatuated by corporal punishment. I can’t describe the fear I had in me, worrying about the prospect of being caned at school. It wasn’t just the fear of the caning itself but also the fear of the humiliation it might bring. But despite that I desperately wanted to know what it felt like to be caned.

On reflection I was sadly too much of a goodie, goodie at school. I desperately wanted to be one of  the bad boys and end up standing outside the Head’s office, awaiting a caning but it never happened.

I used to spend hours wondering how much it would really hurt. The use of the cane wasn’t that prevalent in our school but the boys that were caned spoke of the intense sting that six strokes left – even over school trousers.

So in my quest to know what it felt like I tried whacking myself. The only implements I could find in our house were things like washing line, which had a kind on inner thread or rubbery material with a thick plastic coating, and curtain wire, which was literally wire coated with plastic. I found them in my dad's shed and cut maybe 12-18" lengths off the reels and then tried to whack my bare bottom with them. The curtain wire was just too heavy and severe but the washing line left satisfactory tramlines and stung like hell.

But it never really worked for me because it was too easy to stop after one really hard whack and, while  I wanted to experience what it was like to have maybe six to a dozen hard whacks, I never had the courage to try more that two or three swipes and could never be rally accurate.

What excited me, wasn’t just the act of self-spanking, but playing out scenarios in the shed, knowing I could get caught. I never did but I used to imagine the abject humiliation if either of my parents ever found me playing these games. I used to think about the severe whipping it might entail – even though my parents were not strict disciplinarians at all.

Even now, I wonder in they ever found my lengths of wire that I’d cut off and wondered ‘why?’

In my late teens and early adult life I experimented with hairbrushes, paddles and even a tawse but always found it unsatisfactory, It was only once I’d experienced a real punishment session and realised just how painful, but how satisfying it could be, that how pathetic my self-spanking efforts had been.

Kaelah asked how we could be sure we would enjoy that first real spanking experience. For me, I had to wait until I was over 40 to answer that question to myself. Even after a lifetime of frustration, my interest in the subject had never waned and, despite the intense sting of my first caning, I enjoyed a real sense of satisfaction, pleasure and relief from the experience.

Friday, 16 March 2012

Complaining about the cane

It was a Thursday. Our day for maintenance punishment so I was sent to fetch the cane.

Mistress fastened me to the bench and started caning me with the thin Dragon – full force with the thin Dragon, as our normal rules.

I’d not been caned in weeks and this hurt so much. I’d only had six, I was moaning and saying I couldn’t take it. I said I felt sick, which I did.

Then Mistress laid into me with six more, rapid fire and really hard. Then tossed the cane aside, bent down to unfasten me from the bench and told me to pack everything away. “I’m not putting up with this fuss,” she said. “You asked for weekly punishment. You said all along you felt there was a need for severity. I agree. But, I’m not putting up with this fuss any more. If you’re going to whine like that you can go without. Go on, pack it all away.”

How could I be so stupid? We both knew punishment was overdue. And even if it wasn’t, it was a Thursday so I was due was maintenance punishment .

I left it a while and then went back into the lounge and apologised to Mistress for my pathetic behaviour.
I felt very down. With myself for being such a wimp. But more for letting Mistress down.

That night in bed she knew I wasn’t feeling good about myself. “It’s no good you being grumpy. You brought this on yourself. You know you needed a dose of the cane to bring you back in line but you blew it. No one else. I’m fed up with your moaning.

“I don’t want any talking from you during punishment sessions – do you understand? You told me that years ago when you used to have appointments with professional disciplinarians, you never moaned and took your punishment well. So why has your behaviour slipped?”

I explained that in all my previous experience, I was caned with thicker canes and with longer breaks between strokes. Mistress uses the thin Dragon which has a biting sting and barely leaves any time between strokes.

“If that’s the case I’ll use the thicker canes and give you longer between strokes.”

I told Mistress that was her prerogative but that I felt our punishment sessions, although severe were exactly what were needed and it was me who should change – not the severity of the punishment.

“If that’s the case, then I think we need to gag you in future,” she stated. “I want you to get one for next Thursday’s punishment because I don’t want to hear your incessant moans. Is that understood?”

I meekly responded with a “yes Mistress”, and snuggled close. Her authority made me melt. I hugger her tight.

“It’s no good you thinking that’s going to make any difference. You can get back on your side of the bed.”
It’s now Friday evening and there’s been an uneasy atmosphere in the house because I expected Mistress would complete Thursday punishment at any time.

However nothing happened so I asked if I could go to the computer room while Mistress watched TV. I was granted permission but typing this up was interrupted by Mistress coming into the room to find out what I was doing. She told me to bend over the chair and pulled my plastic pants down and tucked my mackintosh into my belt.

“I didn’t say you could get changed. And you’ve been up here far too long.”

I got a couple of dozen whacks with the airbrush then I’ve no idea how many with the light leather tawse. Again, I didn’t take them well.

I’d taken the tawse, kneeling on all fours and was still there, looking up at Mistress.

“It’s Mother’s Day on Sunday. We’re going to see my Mother in the afternoon and when we get back home in the evening, I’m going to make sure you get the punishment you should have had Thursday.

I feel that I may suffer on Sunday. But we won't have the new gag by then. The thing worrying me is not the severity of punishment I'm facing, but whether I can suffer in silence this time?

Monday, 12 March 2012

Fantasy or future DD reality?

If you asked me if I still fantasise about corporal punishment, even though I’m living in a female led relationship that uses CP as a means of maintaining discipline in the house, I’d deny I did.

But that’s obviously not true since I often spend time thinking about Mistress and what disciplinary sanctions she might apply. We discuss my thoughts, and hers, on the subject regularly but you would have to say that the initial thought process is part based on fantasy – even though we are living the lifestyle.

I’ve not blogged in a while because, as usual,  Mistress and I have both been incredibly busy so there’s been very little time spent focussing on the domestic discipline side of our relationship.  We’ve seen so little of each other in the past few weeks, that there’s very little I could have done wrong to necessitate correction,
although I’m surprised Mistress hasn’t used some disciplinary methods on me when we have been together purely as a means to relieve some of the stresses she been under with her work. She’s done it before.

So, I was driving home from an appointment today, wondering how different our flr would if we ever managed to be in a position to retire. Mistress has always told me that if we did get to spend more time together then she would be a lot stricter because sho knows how much it takes to keep me on track.

Only the other day she said, “I don’t like it when you come home after you’ve been on the road for a few days. You always seem far less submissive. It’s not good.”

I’d not really thought about it before but that particular day Mistress cooked tea when I got in and I have to admit I’d left dishes unwashed. I’d also not kept her supplied with cups of tea. After a long day I was happy to sit there and be waited upon – but that is not how the dynamic of our relationship is meant to be. The things I was taking for granted were only small things but those small things never get overlooked when I’m at home for any real length of time.

But it was my general attitude, according to Mistress, that annoyed her most. “You seem to be more argumentative, and always have to have the last say when you come home from a business trip,” she said. “I prefer it when you are more submissive and are more attentive towards me.”

I’ve never been aware of it before but I’m sure there’s something in what Mistress says. I’m not making excuses – because I know I’m in the wrong anyway, but it does take me time to adapt from being in a business-type environment where you have to hold your own to being at home as the submissive partner in a DD relationship.

Mistress said that the one thing I should do in future is drop my bags etc inside the door and immediately go the room she’s in and prostrate myself before her. We’ve yet to try it.

I know I shouldn’t need to be reminded of my place – but it’s the reality of life that living an flr is hard work and it probably explains why I normally get a good dose of the cane not long after getting back home. That’s always a sure way to bring out my submissive side.

But getting back to my thoughts about how things might be in future, I pondered how life might be.
My first thought is that Mistress would have me working more like a servant – at least at set times of the day. I could see preparing her bath, getting breakfast, tidying the kitchen – every day. I could see my having cleaning chores every day. And have a set routine of preparing the evening meal every night. And I could see spending much more time pampering her than I do.

 I do all these but only sporadically because of current outside influences. I could see working to a strict list of chores.

I can also imagine Mistress insisting on me wearing uniform every morning and every night, like she does now when I’m normally doing the house cleaning. But I can also imagine she’d insist on me wearing certain items from our fetish wardrobe in public – such as my plastic pants -  which she’s also done before “just to help remind you of your place”

I suppose it’s just more of the same that we already do - but on a daily basis, 24/7.

I can also see her been much more severe with corrective measures, not just with the cane, but introducing a range of methods such as tawseing the hands, back whipping. They are things we’ve discussed but don’t use currently because they are not really suitable in our current lifestyle.

So is this all pure fantasy?

Of course it is - but based on how our relationship works, and knowing Mistress’ enthusiasm for having someone to do all the necessary chores she hates, then I’d say she would positively encourage that side of our relationship.

So how would we both feel, living that kind of intense flr?

I’ve seen how Mistress enjoys me in a submissive serving role and how her dominant nature blossoms. I wouldn’t wish to assume anything because no one can predict the future but, bearing in mind her past comments, I think she would love to assume total control of the house and have me working as her maid/servant.

How would I feel about that? I’m a little frightened of the Mistress I might unleash but I also know how much I love her dominant persona so I’m prepared top take the risk. We are already well down the road.

But I also know deep down, that there would be times when I’d rebel against any hint of 24/7 authority but then that’s why we employ a domestic discipline regime in our home. Both of us know my weakness. And we both know that how effective the cane can be to overcome them. I’m not saying it cures my faults totally. Corporal punishment, no matter how harsh, is not 100% effective – or hasn’t been so far. But we both know it helps keep me on track which also pleases Mistress.

And what if the punishments became really harsh and I struggled to take them? I know how I felt when we’ve had boot-camp style weekends. Servitude can be very taxing.

Mistress would never use excessive methods but I’m well aware that she would relish pushing me beyond my current limits.

I actually hope that is the case – and it should be the case - because the one thing we’ve agree upon from the outset is that punishment has to be a corrective process. And part of that process is suffering.  It’s certainly not pleasure – though I’ll not deny there are elements of the process, before and after, that have sexual overtones.

However, if the regime does go where I see it heading, then I can forsee times when I really won’t want to submit to the cane. But as our current regime stands, I have no option. That happened in the past and we are beyond that now.

I am under no illusion that my only course would be to suffer the consequences and realise that Mistress would only use such harsh correctives measures because she loves me and she thinks I both deserve it and need it.

I believe that level of trust is something us submissive males have to accept once we have invited our loving wife or partner to follow this path.

In the meantime though, I’ve just had a text from Mistress saying she has not eaten and expects me to be in “servant mode” when she arrives home at around 9.30pm. I must go and get changed into something suitable and prepare her meal.