Mistresses business trip was cancelled so my maintenance punishment took place as usual on last Thursday evening.
If I’m truthful, Mistress was much more lenient with me than of late and the 36 was easy to take. Part of me was relieved, part was disappointed. I suppose I wanted to recreate that intense feeling of the New Year’s Eve final caning but I know my bottom was still quite bruised and Mistress, despite enjoying the act of punishing me, is always concerned about health issues and probably thought it best to err on the side of leniency this once.
The other point is that there’s some strange cleansing in the severity of a punishment that leaves you feeling that the slate is now clean and you can start afresh. You feel contrite but happy and always more subservient. Granted, it’s perhaps not a feeling that lasts as long as it should but it is massively disappointing when you don’t reach that level. A ‘soft’ punishment is almost worst than no punishment at all because you expect to suffer for your faults and you’re inbuilt safety mechanisms are all in place but hen suddenly they are not needed.
I’m not complaining. If Mistress wished to beat me with a feather, then that would be her choice. I’m merely making an observation and I wonder if any of you submissives reading this have experienced the same kind of feelings?
Having said that, there’s no let-up in the overall tone of our regime. Last Friday night shopping, for example, I was brought sharply to heel after wandering of down one isle while Mistress went along another. When I looked up at the end of the isle there was Mistress beckoning me towards her.
“That’s a black mark,” she said. “You don’t go off doing your own thing, do you? You want to be submissive? Well start acting like one and follow Mistress around the shop, looking at what I wish to look at.”
I replied with a ‘Sorry Mistress’ as low as I could whisper in the hope that no one in the shop was paying attention to Mistresses lecture. I was embarassed but also a little bit excited but the very public lecture. I feared punishment when we got home, at least a dozen from the tawse, but nothing ensued.
It took me back to my schooldays when I was pulled out of a gym lesson for talking and expected the worst (the cane of course - but at least the plimsole) but got off with a lecture. It was like a let-down but also a relief - at the time.
Mistress told me there would be no punishment during the weekend because she had many things to deal with and didn’t want to be sidetracked. I gave a little smile, thinking, that things might ease up a little on the discipline front.
But then Mistress added: “But don’t think you’ll get away with anything. I will make a note of any bad behaviour and correct it later.”
I recall my stomach churned a little at the prospect of a lengthy list of faults to be corrected but I resolved to try and measure up better.
It’s since been a busy working week and relatively quiet on the DD front. As they say on TV traffic reports, so far there have not been any major issues to report – although Mistress may of course see things a different way and be totting up faults ready to rectify them in our next maintenance session.