Friday, 9 December 2011

DD lifestyle on hold

I have to apologise for not updating our blog since late October, but I’ve felt there was little to say and I didn’t have the interest to even turn on my home PC, let alone keep our blog updated.

Our DD lifestyle had become strict and intense and we had been discussing a plan to run a boot camp weekend – just to enforce our regime even further.

I certainly believe both of us were benefiting the weekly maintenance punishments - the caning sessions of 36 strokes every Thursday were highly effective. I was better behaved, more respectful and responsive to Mistress while Mistress enjoyed the benefits of me working hard to please her. And, if we’re honest, she also enjoyed exercising her power over me and delighted in applying the cane with some vigour.

But also being totally honest, I had two contrasting thoughts on these punishments. On the one hand I enjoyed the submission and the closeness punishment brought but, I often drove home thinking, oh no, it’s the cane tonight. That thin Dragon cane really has a horrible bite and no matter how many times I’ve had it, I still struggled to soak up its painful application – especially as Mistress was getting more and more effective with it!

For someone with a life-long desire to experience corporal punishment, you would think that being able to experience it on weekly basis should be like manna from heaven. It wasn’t that I totally hated it. I didn’t even fear it because I knew I could get through it – at a struggle. And while it was always challenging, it wasn’t ever in my mind that we should stop.

But one particular Thursday I was driving home feeling a little under the weather and really could not face my weekly 36 strokes. When I got in the house I explained to Mistress I wasn’t feeling great and asked to forgo the punishment.

Mistress wasn’t happy about this, enquiring exactly what was wrong with me. She clearly wasn’t convinced by my whining and after we had ate dinner, she said something to the effect of ‘if you can eat dinner, you can’t be too ill so I think you should be caned. I’m only applying to rules you wanted us to live by.’

Obviously I should have gone to fetch the cane but I argued my case at which point Mistress shrugged her shoulders and went into the living room to watch TV, leaving me to do the washing up etc.

Nothing more was said on the subject that night. I apologised the next morning and felt really bad that I’d let Mistress down – and myself. Mistress was annoyed and showed her disappointment in me.

But life carried on as usual. Except when the following Thursday arrived, punishment wasn’t mentioned. I figured this was my punishment. I was wrong because we’ve not really discussed our DD lifestyle since - until the past week.

Apart from my appalling behaviour, the under current to this tale of woe is that both of us have been absolutely focussed on work – both working evenings as well as daytimes – so there’s actually been no time to asses and discuss our DD lifestyle. Plus I did go through a spell of a week where I really was ill.

Living a DD lifestyle, we’ve both learned is hard work on top of all the normal everyday things that get thrown at you, but I guess that’s why it’s so fulfilling – when one plays to the rules. And so desperately disappointing when one doesn’t.

Our relationship through all this has been absolutely perfect – we’re both happy and love each other to bits. It’s just the DD side of things has disappeared and I reached the point, where I couldn’t face looking at the blog, let alone updating it, or even surfing around to see what others were up to.

But last weekend I  began to realise that I was missing the the focus that our disciplinary regime gave me  so I tentatively broached the subject and asked Mistress if she thought our relationship was better or worse without DD and she replied that it was perfect either way.

I have to admit I was disappointed with her response. I was hoping she would say it was worse without DD – but she was right. We had been having a fabulous time together. And I had no right to disappointment since it was me who messed up in the first place.

However, my comments obviously struck a chord because since that brief discussion, there’s been a few little quips coming my way about things she’s not happy with in my behaviour or performance with the house chores. You know the score, almost nit-picking every tiny thing you should or should not have done. I don’t mind at all because it needs saying but I think she’s working her way around to a punishment session.

If, or when, the moment comes I’ll be happy to fetch the cane and take the thrashing that’s coming to me. I could now do with the hiatus to end and get back to the strict discipline regime we had in the house.

I probably sound like an overgrown child but I’d reached a point where I was happy in the knowledge of where the boundaries where and what was expected of me and the weekly punishment helped continually reinforce the message.

There are definitely areas I know I am lacking, and one area in particular I need some help (to curb my spending habits!), and we found in the past that a stiff dose of the cane goes a long way to improving my attitude and will power.

Mistress comes back from a night out with her girl friends tomorrow.  I’m hoping she’s of a mindset to discuss the reintroduction of strict domestic discipline into our relationship. I miss it.


  1. First, its great to hear from you. I too, know that inspiration for keeping up with the blogs has its ups and downs. It seemed that my own 'muse' had abandoned me last summer.

    Second, thanks for sharing such heart-felt insight to yourself. And again, I know that some aspects of a relationship can ebb and flow. As you said, it takes work to keep any relationship going, yet along one based on FLR. It looks like you are 'back in the saddle' and when Her energy returns, I am guessing that soon you will be feeling those delicious cane strokes.

  2. Oops-
    I meant to say 'yet alone' in the second paragraph of my comment. Sorry. And I am already in trouble for a typo in an e-Mail to another couple who embraces the women spanking the men. We plan to meet with them soon and I am guessing I will be regretting my typos!

  3. Hi
    A DD or FLR relationship can sometimes go this way, but the fault lies with you in not going through with what you said you wanted. You need to perhaps write your Mistress another letter and put more emphasis on the fact that you are sorry and that you would lie to restart things. Maybe a night away in a hotel would be a good way of getting this done.
    Good luck.

  4. Ferns wrote a very interesting post a few weeks ago. I highly recommend it. Helped me a lot. Hope you can get something out of it too.

  5. Dear RM,

    I have been lurking on your blog for some time now, and have great admiration for your submission. I do not think that it was a failure on your part that you reached a point of despair -- more than fear or unwillingness to submit -- when you finally refused a Thursday night caning. You had been tested and you are only human. If it had not happened eventually, your blogging would have likely been fantasy, not reality. My bet is that your dear wife will once again call on you to accept DD, and that of course you will fetch the cane and offer your backside. I also expect that, in order to achieve a recovery from the episode, she will extract a serious price, a sort of "super Thursday" which will set things right for both of you. Good luck!

  6. Hi RM:

    Don't be too hard on yourself. People change and so do relationships. It is important to remain flexible when things like this happen and go with the flow. The most important thing is that you are both happy together which it sounds like you are. Her Majesty and I also have ebbs and flows and we also find that "real life" gets in the way quite a bit. I am sure that when the time is right and if you both discuss it honestly you can bring the D/s aspect back into your relationship. Best of luck to your both!

  7. Thanks to everyone for their informed comments and support.

    Ken, it's good to know that others have the same or at least simialr issues to deal with.

    Michael, your suggestion of a letteer worked - as you can read in my latest blog!

    lawyer: Thanks for the link. I checked it out. Very insightful.

    Mike: WE did indeed have a 'super' caning day - way beynod waht I'd expected (I've blogged the details. Interesting comment about fantasy blogging. I used to read some blogs and think, 'that's not possible. Couples can't do that stuff. People can't take beatings like that.' How naive have I been? And here I am, living that kind of lifestyle

    HMP: Yeah, real life can be a right pain. But imagine the real pain living an flr 24/7 - for ever! If only.....