Monday, 19 September 2011

Domestic discipline review

After my weekly maintenance caning a week ago last Monday Mistress and I sat down for a discussion about how best to improve our FLR. It’s a discussion that’s been on-going ever since.

I’d read an insightful post on Learning Domestic Discipline which presents couples living in FLR’s with regular tasks and this recent task was that both sides of the relationship should write a letter to the other, expressing thoughts on ‘how you feel the relationship could be better, including what areas/aspects of the relationship you feel both parties need to improve on.’

I mentioned this to Mistress and this is a result of the ongoing  discussion, based on the LDD post.

Our thoughts:

1          My focus
We both feel our weekly maintenance punishment sessions have been effective in as much they help me focus better on my submissive attitude. However Mistress has noted that the effect only lasts a limited amount of time before I slip into my old selfish ways. So one area for improvement is for me to maintain my focus through the entire week, where it’s been slipping after a few days (see 2 below). The other issue we have is that the 36-stroke caning, while effective, almost restricts us to using the cane once per week (due to the damage it causes to the flesh – as Kealah quit rightly suggested it might). I just about heals in time for a fresh set of stripes but Mistress said she is not happy at the thought of using the cane more than once in the same week. We both agreed however, there are some situations within the FLR where it would be favourable to be able to use the cane as a punishment at other times than the weekly maintenance session.

2          Mistress and her level of assertiveness
The only area of our FLR that I think Mistress could improve is in her level of assertiveness. There are times when, wrongly, I rebel against our regime (which I asked for in the first place incidentally) but at these times, Mistress backs off when she sees me in this mindset –the very time when what I need is pulling up sharp. I think it would help our relationship if I didn’t adopt this mindset in the first place, but also if Mistress adopted a more assertive role and stamped out any lack of respect instantly. Mistress however maintains, quite rightly, that I shouldn’t need constant punishment. She says focus (see 1) is something I should monitor myself and should be able to maintain without supervision. Mistress also said that there are times when my behaviour is downright spiteful and that I have to learn to temper what she calls, ‘my bitchy tendencies’. She said I must take a good look at myself when I get in such a mood and take a deep breath to avoid upsetting Mistress. My thought is that this fault, which I admit sometimes does get the better of me, warrants corporal punishment – probably more so that any other fault I have because it show a lack of respect towards Mistress.

3          My spendthrift ways
I explained to Mistress that I need help in this area. I’m far too frivolous with money and I need to have more self control – but I could also do with a little help from her to exercise this self control. Mistress said that in future I will be required to ask permission before spending any money on luxury items. We both agreed we need to discuss what kind of sanctions will be imposed if I break the rule.

4          My bad habits
I have several bad habits which Mistress has to repeatedly remind me of: shouting for an adjacent room in the house, leaving the toilet seat up, handing her bedroom robe in the mornings before she gets out of bed, leaving the electric shower turned on all day, etc etc. I have to make more effort to correct these faults. Again there is need to discuss suitable sanctions.

5          Household chores
I lack direction in completing my household chores. Mistress suggested that I draw up a check list of my responsibilities and she will ensure I attend to everything in a controlled routine.

6          Restriction of computer use
Mistress has banned the laptop and other electronic devices from the breakfast table because it means she is not the centre of focus she should be.

7          Saying good night
Mistress said that in future if she chooses to go to be early, this is it my responsibility to say good night to her properly, even if I am not going to bed.

8          Remember Mistress is human
Mistress said that sometimes she needs moral support. She says that I seem to think she can cope with anything and be dominant at all times but that is not always the case and I should respect that more than I do.

Those are our thoughts. But I’m sure there will be others. That’s the advantage of continually discussing our relationship in an honest and open manner. We’ve also been discussing corrective measures and I’ll detail our revised punishment regime in my next post. But in the meantime, if anyone wishes to comment or make suggestions then we’ll look forward to your responses.


  1. Hi
    I rarely comment on other peoples blog these days. But your post made me want to say a few words. (And sorry, my English is getting worse from day to day...)

    I think, the point you should focus on the most at this point of time is No. 8
    "Mistress said that sometimes she needs moral support. She says that I seem to think she can cope with anything and be dominant at all times but that is not always the case and I should respect that more than I do."

    My gut feeling tells me that you don`t understand the depths of what she is trying to tell you.

    Try to take her words very serious. I mean the fact alone that you wrote it down as the last No. on your long list indicates, that your focus is on other, and I admit, more exciting, things.

    I think it is great that she is willing to give you so much. So, please do not ask for too much!

    No 1-5 are pretty much all about you and what you want and /or need. If she is willing to give it to you: Great!

    but , for the sake of her happiness and for the sake of the fullfillment of her needs, you have to understand how important No 6-8 are.

    You have to pamper her as much as possible.Even if you are thinking you are already doing a great job in pampering her :-) She is offering a lot.And you are asking a lot from her. And honestly, I do not see right now what exactly you are offering her.

  2. Hi
    The comment from lawyer is good advice.
    You should perhaps try using different instruments during maintenance. A long paddle with holes can serve up a meaningful result in the right hands, as can a strap. The cane can be added to the mix but the multiple harsh strokes with the cane can be reserved for punishment.
    Even if your Mistress is in control it does not mean you should stop doing your bit in the decision making that is a part of your joint lives, it just means that you have to tell her beforehand what you are doing and obtain her agreement.
    You should be getting on with your chores as a willing submissive and not giving this another thought.
    It is pointless having long lists of things you have not done. If you do not do your jobs and stop your bad habits then your Mistress should accept that you do not want to live the life and stop the FLR in its tracks.
    Good luck

  3. lawyer: I've said before that you are a really intuitive Lady and I respect your comments. The list was in the order of our discussion. Mistress asked me for my views and then made hers known. But your observarions are correct.

    MichaelM: I agree with your comments too. Mistress and I discussed a framework for punishments. I'll post it.....

  4. I didn't have much internet time in the recent months, so this is a very belated comment! But I just wanted to tell you that I'm very glad to hear that the two of you are taking care of not causing too much damage to your skin despite of your maintenance spankings regime.