Am I complaining? Of course not. It’s just quite an experience knowing what to expect each time I bend over the bench now, knowing that it is going to hurt like hell. It’s the kind of regime a submissive like me dreams of but can’t quite believe it will ever happen.
The fantasy is fantastic. The reality is something very different and even though I’m coming to dread my appointments, I melt with submission after each thrashing.
The brief ‘no restraints’ approach, which I foolishly suggested, has already been discarded. Mistress insisted we used them last time and again tonight (yes, postponed from Thursday due to other commitments). And it’s just as well because I did suffer tonight. She doesn’t want me moving and prefers to keep the tempo going.
Each time my shackles are clipped into place I promise myself I’m going to remain stoic. I’ve had seven sessions now – that’s 252 strokes (plus some extras) but it still only takes three stinging strokes in each session to break my resolve. And it doesn’t help that Mistress is now taking great delight in targeting the crease between my bottom and the top of my thighs.
There’s no break either, just stroke after stroke and when it’s all over I’m soaked in sweat, exhausted and my rear throbs and burns for at least half an hour afterwards.
Is it working as a maintenance punishment system? I’d say it is to a degree since the pressure is off both of us, me because there’s definitely no willingness to encourage the cane anymore, and for Mistress because she’s more than happy to use the sessions to remind me of anything that’s annoyed her in the past week.
Is it correcting my general faults? Some, but I’ve still got much to learn. Take tonight after my punishment, I didn’t quite respond to Mistress in the accepted manner. She looked at me calmly – one of those looks that turns the tummy - and said, “if you carry on with that attitude I’ll give you another 36 right now.”
She wasn’t joking.
I can see changes coming. We’ve been so busy and spent so little time together in recent weeks that things have become a little ‘relaxed. I think once things calm down (there is light at the end of the work tunnel for both of us), then I think Mistress will impose ever more authority.