It was something I had suggested to Mistress initially and we had decided to go along with. Lady Grey questioned whether this was a subtle form of topping from the bottom and, I have to admit, it probably is.
These are Lady Grey’s observations.
"You say that you're not using restraints in the maintenance sessions, and evidently this strengthens your personal sense of commitment to these sessions. The implication is that it takes more intestinal fortitude to endure the caning if you're not restrained, and shows your willingness to take what is doled out without breaking your position of physical submission. I'd imagine that the mental aspects of controlling your response without restraints is also satisfying to you with its clear implication of mental strength as well as physical.
Hmmm. I have to ask...just whom are you doing this for? Is this strictly for your own benefit so that you can feel good about yourself and your ability to take it "unforced and unfettered"? How does your wife feel about this? Is any of this at her behest? It sems you suggested it and acted upon it without asking her what she preferred. Or did you just leave out the fact that there was a discussion about restraints?
I think you know where I'm going with this. Is this not a subtle form of topping from the bottom while acting the "hero" for your ability to deal with the pain without restraint? If I were in your wife's position and my husband attempted to unilaterally decide the question of restraints....well, I assure you that it would not be a pretty situation for him. I'd be interested in your (and her) response.”
Lady Grey subsequently made this comment after re-reading my original post.
"As a follow up to my previous comment, I've re-read your posting and though you merely said you'd suggested the lack of restraints and acted upon same, it seems quite possible that you were implying that there was indeed a discussion that might have led to her agreeing. If so, I apologize for my assumption that this was strictly your doing. Is that what happened?"
Lady Grey has no need to apologise. She is correct in her assessment that it is I who suggested the idea of no restraints. Mistress and I briefly discussed this and it was agreed we would try it. Mistress has always been annoyed by two things when she punishes me, one is my writhing around because she takes great pride in supplying me with an accurate set of lines across my bottom. And secondly, she gets very annoyed when I become vocal. I think that’s down more to worrying about my well being.
So in return for the gift of punishment, I’m trying to improve my ‘performance’ so she can enjoy laying on the cane without too much fuss from me.
Lady Grey suggests that I may have suggested this in order to feel better about myself and I’m sure there could be something in what she says. When I was at school, the cane was used infrequently. I escaped being on the receiving end – but it'ssomething I wish I’d experienced because maybe I’d have not had such enthusiasm for it in my adult life
But it seemed to me that post-caning talk at school was dominated by discussion of ‘how many strokes’, ‘did he take it without crying,’ so there could be a subconscious desire for me to be ‘brave’ as Lady Grey
But it’s very difficult to come across as brave when you present yourself before Mistress, offering he the cane, wearing nothing more than baggy PVC bloomers (my punishment pants – which Mistress does pull down for the caning by the way). Then three or four times during the caning you’ve shot bolt upright, you gasp or moan after every stroke and when you face Mistress afterward for a lecture, the corners or your eyes are moist where you’ve grimaces so much!
The thing about our relationship is that I’ve had a very keen interest in corporal punishment since I can remember. I’ve always been excited by the idea of dominant women. But, I fell in love with my partner because I just wanted to be with her for the person she was and the thing we had together. At that time, she showed absolutely no signs of being a dominant lady, apart from occasionally being a little 'bossy'.
Very early in our relationship I told her about my interests because I knew sooner or later it would come out and I thought best be honest rather than sometime down the line wrecking our relationship with a shock horror revelation she might not be able to cope with. She had no idea that adults played CP games but embraced my interests fully. Mistress hates housework, cooking etc – in fact any household chores - so for her to find someone like me, willing to do them, is heaven for her.
But once we started playing CP games, it was obvious she enjoyed the role of dominant and began putting her spin on how things played out.
However, Lady Grey is correct in her assessment that I have topped from the bottom – and continue to do so. I do offer ideas, Mistress and I discuss them and they are either discarded or implemented. But then Mistress comes up with ideas too – which we always follow!
It would be interesting know how it works in other relationships. How often is it that the female is the one initiating an FLR? If it’s the male who initiates it, how does the relationship develop to the point where the female is truley in charge? Is it like ours where the male still tends to lead – or is it usually the way that the female takes full control? I’m sure every relationship works in a different way.
Is ours a true FLR? Probably not. I’m well aware I need to behave in a much more submissive manner. I'm not talking out of turn to suggest Mistress could be morre authoritarian. But then would I rebel agasint that authority? Would Mistress find that too difficult and not even like the fact I was too submissive?
I know I definitely need to think more of Mistress and what her wants and needs might be. But maybe that’s why we’re on this journey – to try and instill more of that into me. I am selfish and I am headstrong. I know where I need to be but it’s a long road getting there.
That’s why I was the one who suggested we begin using CP as a way to correct my real faults, rather than just playing CP games of an evening.
The problem with we both struggled to fit the discipline around our regular lives and, I mentioned Michael M’s suggestion of routine maintenance punishments and Mistress told me to draw up some kind of regime.
The interesting thing about this new regime is that Mistress is the one insisting on carrying it out. If we miss our Thursday, 8.00pm slot, she is the one who reschedules – and insists that all 36 strokes are applied. I’ve also noticed Mistress is now more authoritarian than she ever used to be. I think she’s thoroughly enjoying herself. So am I and no matter what route you follow in an FLR as long as both are happy then that’s all that matters isn’t it?
But I’ll take on board Lady Grey’s comments. It’s always a wonderful help to have others willing offering their wealth of experience. Thank you Lady Grey.