Wednesday, 17 August 2011

No restraint for caning

One thing I forget to mention in my latest blog is that we’ve not been using any restraints for my maintenance punishments.

That probably doesn’t sound very much but it’s a big step forward for me – and it was my suggestion to Mistress that we should try it.

I’m not the bravest submissive in the world - I’m actually a first grade wimp - and for someone who rarely goes a day without fantasising of the most extreme thrashings, when it comes down to it, I cope with the fantasy much better than the reality.

But in my own head I felt that trying to take my punishment with good grace was all part of the overall regime so I suggested to Mistress we should not use them for the maintenance sessions.

The result is that while I do break from my bending position over the bench during punishment, I have the fortitude to resume my position immediately.

I do miss that rather poignant moment when Mistress clips  my wrists in place but for me, taking my punishment  unrestrained has become an important issue and is no an integral part of the entire submissive act of accepting these weekly canings.

I know I should have always had this kind of acceptance but I just wonder if any others out there have undergone this change of attitude?


  1. RM - Newport and I have had many sessions both with and without restraints. I enjoy the nuances of each. When Newport puts me in shackles she is in complete control and I have no choice but to submit. If I am not in shackles it takes discipline on my part to submit to the thrashing I am receiving, it is an opportunity for me to show my willingness to submit.

    It sounds like the weekly canings have become ingrained in your relationship. Good for you.


  2. First off, thank you for placing by blog (Loved and Spanked) on your follow list - I will be adding your blog to my blog roll and follow list the moment I finish posting this comment.

    Anyhoo, I connected with this post. J (my wife), doesn't use restraints on my for punishments, but probably only because she has yet to get any. Like you I fantasize about extreme severe caning (such as those seen in the Mood Picture videos - Google it if you aren't sure what I mean), but I'm also not good at holding position. I want to be, but if I'm bent over with my feet on the floor, hands on a desk, and she delivers any for of punishment I can't seem to resist standing up and dropping position. I really want to stay in position, but it's so hard - and like you, I tend to be a grade A wimp when it comes to serious punishment.

    For me, the only way I can maintain position is if I'm told to bend over something that's very low down, such that I'm almost horizontal, or told to lay on the bed flat.

    Maybe J just isn't strict enough about me breaking position, but it's something I so badly want to break the habit of. Maybe it just needs more commitment and resolve on my part! Either way, I commend you for taking that huge step, well done.

  3. You say that you're not using restraints in the maintenance sessions, and evidently this strengthens your personal sense of commitment to these sessions.

    The implication is that it takes more intestinal fortitude to endure the caning if you're not restrained, and shows your willingness to take what is doled out without breaking your position of physical submission. I'd imagine that the mental aspects of controlling your response without restraints is also satisfying to you with its clear implication of mental strength as well as physical.

    Hmmm. I have to ask...just whom are you doing this for? Is this strictly for your own benefit so that you can feel good about yourself and your ability to take it "unforced and unfettered"? How does your wife feel about this? Is any of this at her behest? It seems you suggested it and acted upon it without asking her what she preferred. Or did you just leave out the fact that there was a discussion about restraints?

    I think you know where I'm going with this. Is this not a subtle form of topping from the bottom while acting the "hero" for your ability to deal with the pain without restraint? If I were in your wife's position and my husband attempted to unilaterally decide the question of restraints....well, I assure you that it would not be a pretty situation for him. I'd be interested in your (and her) response.

  4. As a follow up to my previous comment, I've re-read your posting and though you merely said you'd suggested the lack of restraints and acted upon same, it seems quite possible that you were implying that there was indeed a discussion that might have led to her agreeing. If so, I apologize for my assumption that this was strictly your doing. Is that what happened?

  5. Hi

    Your blog account of your relationship is more interesting to me because it is just FLR without all the bells and whistles of equipment, restraints and other BDSM paraphernalia.
    In our relationship my submission to my wife involves trying my best to do what she tells me or what she expects of me. She is happy to thrash me or paddle meto keep me in line and satisfy my spanko needs but she would not want to get involved in tying me down. I would not consider moving out of position as I am there to be dealt with as she sees fit.
    It took a long time to reach this happy phase of our relationship and I rather wish I had suggested it when we first got married. (so does she by the way). Looking forward to your next account.

    Michael M

  6. Newports.sub: I agree, there is a greater feeling of submission when I take the cane with no restraints. I'm just not very good at it!

    Taken in Hand: Good to hear from you. Yes, I've seen the Mood Pictures site. I still struggle to understand how we want that severity but struggle to accept it. Yet that very severity is actually quite theraputic.

    Lady Grey: Without sounding patronising, I love your intuition. You make some very good points - and your observations are, by and large, correct. I'd like to answer your questions in a blog post in more detail.

    Michael M: Thanks for your comments. I think the line: 'I would not consider moving out of position as I am there to be dealt with as she sees fit,' says a lot about your relationship. Your good lady is obviously very strict when it comes to discipline.