Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Corrective measures required

Things haven’t got any better since my lost post and I feel like every time I’ve written in recent weeks, I’m just saying the same thing. However, I like to keep my blog updated so, many apologies if I am repeating myself.

It’s been a difficult few weeks for Mistress and I. We’ve been apart for so much in the past month or so and when we’ve been together, invariably one or both of us has been busy.

But on the couple of occasions we have spent what should have been quality time, it has been spoilt by having our minds on other things.

We were out window shopping the other day and both had a mind for what we really wanted to do with the day. I didn’t think either of us communicated our thoughts too well at breakfast and our trip escalated into a real air of tension – something that almost never happens between us.

I have to take the lion’s share of the blame because Mistress wasn’t too worried what we did. I had a more concrete idea but I was my usual indecisive self and didn’t speak up. Instead I began to sulk. That is a big non, no with Mistress.

At one point, as we wandered aimlessly around the town, she looked at me in a really angry way – a look I’d not really seen before - and said; “I wish I had a whip with my right now. You’d get such a thrashing.”
She meant it. And the venom with which she said it shook me. But I’ve still not suffered that thrashing.

It’s a thrashing I thoroughly deserve though because in the past four weeks or so I have become complacent and I have forgotten my place. Even I’ve noticed how argumentative I’ve become, questioning Mistress on a couple of occasions.

My faults have been noted.

It’s not that I do it deliberately but I’ve definitely been ignoring our rules and have begun to get above myself.

Now I feel like a child needing a reminder of how to behave. Or perhaps I’m aware of my fallibility and having some kind of corrective measures available means I can rely on it to keep me on track? Am I too dependent on it? Do I, as one with masochistic desires, happily stray, sub-consciously knowing I have a partner who is more than willing to correct me?

It gets worse. A couple of days ago Mistress asked me to pick something up for her on the way home. I forgot. Another big black mark. And rightly so.

I’ve allowed focussing on work mean not focussing on Mistress and she’s said several times she’s far from happy with my attitude and has said that she intends to do something about it when the time is right.

That’s the trouble with trying to live within this kind of relationship – and carry on with everyday life. Ideally any tiny issue could be resolved in a few moments if there were no outside influences. But instead things drag on and just seem to escalate.

I’m not sure when Mistress will determine when the right time might be to correct all this. I’ve reached a stage where I need it. It shouldn’t be that way. I know, I should just snap out of it. To some degree I have, but I am also very well aware that there have been faults that really do need paying for.  It’s been mulling over and over in my mind for a few days now and only a good thrashing is going to cleanse me.

4 comments:

  1. Hi
    It sounds as though you are giving it your best shot to get that thrashing. Maybe your wife is thinking that a submissive has to endure not getting what he wants, so the whole thing turns in a circle. You become less submissive because you are not being disciplined in the manner you want and need; so your wife sees a less submissive side and does not discipline you because she thinks you are offline.
    Maybe a discussion about regular maintenance sessions would help. In my case my wife started to accept that I would be submissive because I had proved that I would take that position in our marriage. The downside was that the more I behaved myself in her eyes the less frequently she punished me because she got used to my doing what she wished. She was never into the thrashing and spanking and did it because I asked for it. In the end I had to write to her saying that whilst I was happy to be the new improved man, I did still need the pain and humiliation, so we opted for maintenance punishments once very ten days. These are given with force and no emotion but the end result is good for me.
    Best of luck.
    Michael M

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  2. Hi:

    This is a great post. Some things here sound very familiar. The passive aggressive pouting and sulking when I don't get my way for example. I have discovered through painful past experience that this is not the way to get the attention I so desperately desire from Her Majesty. Invariably it backfires and I end up alienating her which is absolutely the last thing I want to do.

    Her Majesty does not whip me as a punishment but rather as a gift she gives to me out of love because she knows I need it. My being a masochist who wants to be whipped makes using whipping as punishment pretty counter intuitive. Corporal punishment is something reserved for playtime not something used to correct my misdeeds or settle disputes between us. For us this seems a more realistic and honest way of approaching things. I know other couples approach it differently and that's fine. This is just what works for us.

    Her Majesty expects me to take responsibility for my own emotions and behave like an adult. That's the bottom line. If I expect to inspire "punishment" through displaying bad behavior I better not hold my breath because I will be fresh out of luck. On the other hand if I behave in a mature and respectful manner, give her loving service and do my best to obey her wishes I am far more likely to feel the lashes of her beautiful/terrible whip that I so desperately crave.

    At least that's how it works for us....

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  3. "......only a good thrashing is going to cleanse me."? If that's what u believe, u actually abhor to be whipped. If on the other hand u like to be whipped, a whipping won't cleanse anything, and only make things worse, cos when it is done right, u will be more addicted to the lash of the whip than ever b4. With one exception, lol. It's possible to whip the love for the whip out of a man :)

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  4. Thanks for all your comments.

    Michael M: In the past I'd agree I have done things to annoy - to get that thrshing. But Mistress(my partner)log ago got wise to my antics and used to say, 'your punishment is no punishment. This time it was more like a normal domestic disagreement that got out of hand, resulting in a few hours of silence. He comment about it being a shame she didn't have a whip to hand was quite real - and was my sulking and, on reflection, it's a shame we hadn't been at home and the matter could have been dealt with immediately in a way Mistress and I have both discussed at length. I think your idea of a maintainence session at the end of a set period is a good one and it is somethig I think Mistress and I will discuss. Do your wife still use corporal punihsment as a mean to correct your faults - on top of your regular 10day sessions?

    HMP: My pouting and sulking on this occassion was real. I was annoyed with the situation we had got ourselves into - not a show to get what I wanted. But, the mere fact that I displayed such emotion and caused the tension warranted correction under the rules we have adopted. Like Michale M, I was the one in the relationship who instigate using corporal punishment in our home. We did use it for play for a few years but came to a mutal decision it would be far better employed as a way to correct my faults. It's not perfect but, by and large, it works for us.

    Ayesha: There was a time when I used to brat like mad for Mistress to cane me but she got wise to that by a) not caning me when I wanted it and b) when she did cane me, she made sure that it hurt a lot more than I was looking for so I didn't go rushing back for more. So understand your comment about 'being possible
    to whip the love for the whip out of a man.'
    But I do have masochistic tendencies and after any long period without being punished I have to admit that my thought tend to start erring toward thoughts of the cane (even if my last punishment was quite severe). So when I say 'a good thrashing will cleanse me', what I meant is 1)it will encourage me not to make the same fault again but 2) it will wipe my masochistic for a while..... The problem is that I'm far from perfect and make mistakes. The good thing for our relationship is that Mistress likes to have the upper hand, she relishes my servitude and thoroughly enjoys using corporal punishment to keep me on track.

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