Saturday, 2 April 2011

Being caned as a gift

Mistress looked across and asked me how I felt. ‘Cleansed,’ I replied. She chuckled and carried on reading Elle, occasionally showing me pages of the more risque fashions that she knew would tweak my senses.

Mistress had just delivered me a very overdue caning earlier this afternoon. It had been weeks since she punished me and, to be honest, this wasn’t punishment, more a re-acquaintance with her disciplinary ways.
By that I mean I wasn’t being punished for anything in particular. Call it maintenance!

She certainly didn’t hold back and had me teetering on the edge of begging her to stop throughout the session, mixing thin and thick Dragons with a paddle (a Jokari bat – very effective). In fact after the first six strokes with the thin Dragon I was actually pleading to be released from the bench but Mistress knows how I struggle for the first half a dozen strokes at the best of times and I was told in no uncertain terms who was in charge here. I was told I’d have to put up with it the best I could because this wasn’t going to be over until she said it was.

I have to admit that now I’m absolutely delighted Mistress imposed her will. The caning was painful and tested me to my limits but afterwards we both agreed it had been something we both needed.

We’ve uploaded some pictures after the initial session, then after another 18 or so strokes. Note the see-through plastic bloomers I have to wear when I present myself for punishment.

Before I continue, there is a need to apologise to you all for not having posted in such a long time but the truth is that Mistress and I have been so busy with our respective jobs that, not only have we not had the time to pay much attention to the flr side of our lives, we’ve barely seen each other for more than a couple of days at a time – and, even then, we’ve had to spend time with our heads buried in laptops.

At one stage I began to wonder about the future of the flr element of our relationship – whether we would ever get it back on track. I had never stopped doing the chores but wasn’t sure that was enough.

There were no clear indications of whether what I was doing do was pleasing her – or the opposite. I knew Mistress had no time to worry either way.

One day was particularly grumpy. If I’m honest I felt a little resentment that I was doing a lot of work and getting not recognition. In fact I was grumpy enough to warrant Mistress fetching the cane herself and giving me a few swipes with it – just to relieve her frustrations. Normally of course, I have to fetch the cane as part of my show of submission, so this was a dramatic change in itself so I knew I’d annoyed her.

It was probably only 18 hard strokes at most - but it did prompt a discussion about things. I explained my feelings and Mistress rightly pointed out several home truths. Firstly, while she recognised the work I was doing, she said that perhaps I should look around at the things she was doing too. She was, of course, right.

Secondly, no matter what chores I did, I should not automatically expect any acknowledgement of my work. Mistress pointed out that I should do things to please her as a matter of course. And, after all, she said, I didn’t heap praise on her for fixing dinner when I was out late, doing the laundry or any manner of other things she quietly got on with as a matter of course.

I explained that in my insecure head I’d worried our flr thing had run its course from Mistresses point of view but she reassured me that this was far from the case.

She said that as far as she was concerned, my servitude and submission was now part of our relationship and she had explained it was purely outside pressures that had taken the edge off our normal home life.

That made me so happy from the point of view that we are indeed both on the same wavelength. But I also felt bad because, obviously, I was expecting too much, given our circumstances. However, the discussion cleared the air and I think both of us felt assured that we are on the right path.

Before the workload went sky high, I’d bought a book called ‘Uniquely Rika’ written by Ms Rika and subtitled; ‘a practical  non-nonsense approach to a fulfilling female-led service-orientated dominance and submission-based relationship.’ It was recommended on one of the flr blogs and I felt intrigued. I’m sorry to say I can’t remember who suggested the book. No amount of surfing today has furnished me with the answer.

Anyway, I’m only half-way through the book but what I’ve quickly come to realise is how in-tune Mistress is with the thoughts of Ms Rika. And how badly I’ve handled the whole transition – making the string of mistakes that, according to Ms Rika, are typical of men who ‘think’ they are submissive!

From what I’ve read, I’m typical of many men who are keen to live in this kind of relationship, in that I’ve a lifelong fascination with corporal punishment, and try to manipulate that fantasy into a real-world service-orientated relationship.

What Mistress has taught me, and Ms Rika concurs in her writings, is that while I might well get to live out some of my fantasies, those fantasies will be driven by Mistress and may well not be exactly as I had envisaged them.

But the thing that has been worrying me, especially now I have read some of Ms Rika’s book, is whether I crave a flr enough or is it something I have been manipulating to live out my corporal punishment fantasies?
I’ve thought long and hard about this in the past, and especially now I have being read the book. Mistress and I have also discussed this and we both agree that yes, I have, but that our flr regime also keeps me on track from going back to the lazy ways of my past.

Reading SB’s excellent blog postings about how derives such pleasure from serving B makes me feel inadequate because I do so little for Mistress. However, from the little I do I too genuinely derive pleasure when it means my work gives Mistress has more free time. I know I can do more and will continue to strive to do so.

Mistress only ever started caning me because she knew it was something I wanted – and needed - and it was interesting to read Ms Rika’s view that while punishment is not necessary in a well-ordered flr where the male is truly wanting to serve, there are certain things that the dominant partner can give as a pleasurable reward. In a case cited in the book, the reward is for the sub male to give foot worship. But the important aspect is that the pleasure given is on her terms.

Perhaps I’m finally understanding all this. And will now look on my punishments as a reward – not as correction for doing something wrong as my fantasies had them marked out in my head.

The thing that impresses me about this journey the most is that Mistress, the lady I introduced to this lifestyle six years ago and who had no idea what I was even talking about at that time, has intuitively been following this path all along. It’s only now I’m starting to catch up!


  1. RM - I am glad to see your FLR is flourishing and it is good to see you posting.

    Rika's book is a gem. The main points that the woman defines her dominance, that she is the sole judge of the sub's performance and that for the sub, being allowed to serve is his reward are genius. The funny thing is once you have read it, it seems obvious.

    It looks like Mistress gave you a quite a caning. I think those purple marks will be there for a while. Lucky guy.


  2. I have not read Rika's book, but I agree totally with whats been posted here. The woman must be the one that defines her dominance and how that dominance will be manifested. And she naturally must be the judge of her submissives performance, who else? For the man the breakthrough comes when he finally realizes that his reward comes in his being allowed to serve. And not in the satisfaction of some kink by his Mistress. This is obvious as Newports.sub states. The problem seems to be that so many men have a very hard time understanding this simple fact. And so they continue to pursue the satisfaction of their fetishes, while ignoring the real reward before them.

    Mistress Ashley

  3. Newport's sub: You are right. It is so obvious but sometimes some of us are so close to something it takes someone to point the way. In this case Rika. What gets me, as I said, is that Mistress, despite no experience of this kind of thinking prior to meeting me, has had this sussed out from day one.

    Mistress Ashley: I appreciate your comments and I stand guilty as charged. The real irony is that while I've been wrapped up in persuing my fetish desires, pushing and pushing for what I want/need, Mistress has always been more than happy to give me this reward because she knows I derive satisfaction from being caned. Providing of course I keep my end of the bargain, which is to serve her and give her the love and attention she deserves. I see that now but it's taken a long journey to realise it.