Friday, 29 April 2011

Our cane collection (1)

With Mistress away, the chores up together and my own work done, I was tidying our ‘special wardrobe’ earlier and laid our corporal punishment collection out to take some pictures. And thought I thought, why not explain a little about them though the blog?

I’ve done four separate blogs to cover all the different types of percussion instruments we have in our home…..

This straight-handled cane collection gets the most use. The two with the leopard skin handles are from Quality Control and are Dragon canes. They are the most feared by me in the collection and the ones Mistress like using the most.

The thinnest one (34” long x 7mm thick) stings like hell and is, with little doubt, the most effective punishment tool we have. Mistress knows how much it hurts so tends to choose this one when she feels I need some serious correction.

The thickest Dragon (40” long x 10mm thick) has a deep thud and Mistress likes to use it for prolonged punishment canings where it’s less inclined to graze than the thinner one.

Next up are three rattan canes from Coventry Canes (7mm, 9mm and 12mm – all 32” long), bought via their e-bay shop. They don’t have that classy finish of the Quality Control canes but they are well made and very durable.

We bought all of these canes about the same time six years ago when we first started on this road and they have all had plenty of use and we would recommend either company.

The thickest of the Coventry Canes is a beast. It’s shorter and I just think that Mistress finds it easier to use harder than all the longer canes so punishment with that is as effective – or even more effective than the thick Dragon.

The thinner canes are the same length as the thin Dragon and don’t even come close in terms or sting or after burn.

The pink-handled cane was from a longer Cane-Iac cane that broke. We bound a handle using foam and pink ribbon and intended to use it as an OTK cane but it’s not been used since.

The top cane is 37” long x 10mm thick and quite dense and not very flexible either. I bought years and years ago but can’t remember when and I’ve no idea of the material. It’s got a rather dead feeling to use - and to receive – so consequently we’ve never really used it for more than the odd stroke when we first started down this road.


Cane collection 2

As you can see, these are our crook-handled canes. Mistress isn’t a great fan of these because she’s never comfortable with the crook part of the handle and prefers to use straight handle canes.

Being a scholar of historical disciplinary methods I used to be fixated by the sight of a crook-handled cane but these days I’m more in favour of straight handle canes too although I do have one cane in this collection that’s close to me heart..

The bottom one was the first cane I ever bought, maybe 15 years ago in the hope that my former wife might entertain my fantasies. It never got used until Mistress and I began our journey of corporal punishment together.

Although Mistress isn’t a fan of this cane, I adore it. It’s heavy enough to give quite a thud on impact but then the sting is delicious, with a nice warm after glow. It’s altogether organic and something to savour where the thin Dragon is a vicious sting and the thick Dragon is an equally vicious thud.

Without doubt, this cane (36” long x 11mm thick) takes me to places I want to be and the trouble is, when we’ve used this is prolonged sessions when we used to just play ‘spanking games’, it was hard to know when to stop!

The darker cane is a Smoked Dragon (32” long x 12mm) from Coventry Canes. Being a Dragon, it barely flexes and whacks down with one hell of a thud but rarely gets used as  Mistress prefers the straight handled Dragons.

The other two are also from Coventry Canes (32” long x 7mm and 5mm respectively). I personally don’t like the grey-ish looking finish of this rattan but I love their swishy qualities. Mistress finds them hard to control – they tend to spin in her hand – which is why the thinnest one has a grip we made of foam and pink ribbon.

Mistress likes using this when she’s in what I can only term (at my peril if she reads this) a frivolous mood  - laying on large numbers of strokes at a rapid pace and laughing as I squirm around. The strokes are not hard, and barely raise a weal, but the sting is incredible when there’s no respite. I have a love-hate relationship with these two canes!


Crop, birch and whip

The riding crop is by far Mistresses favourite tool. We bought it from Quality Control and it’s beautifully made and bears a ‘County, Made in England’ logo on the tab. It’s 28” long, and the shaft tapers from 10mm at the business end to 13mm. It’s also incredibly flexible – leather plaited over some kind of flexy shaft.

When it arrived I was so frightened by it. My thought was that if it was designed to get a message through the skin of a horse, what damage would it do to me? But Mistress uses this absolutely full force on me and though it hurts, it’s not got the stinging venom of a cane.

What I find is that is the stroke makes a loud whacking nose when it lands, the sting of the tab connected dead square on flesh is okay. If it doesn’t connect dead flat, it’s more of a thud and no real noise.
It’s now used more for pleasure by Mistress than a real tool of correction.

The collection of thin rattan above it is from Canes 4 Pain in the States. It’s 24” long and consists of 15 4mm thick strands, tipped in some kind of purple plastic coating at the business end and bound together in neat handle. It needs soaking before had to add some weight and delivers a nice stinging sensation but we don’t tend to use it much anymore.

I love the Canes 4 Pain website though – so many lovely toys.

Finally the top item is a rather aptly name ‘Wicked’ from Cane-Iac in the States and consists of four strands of hard plastic tube, bound into a handle. It’s 21” long and the four tubes are each 7mm diameter. It gives a good stinging sensation but it’s not one of Mistress or my favourites.


Paddles

Finally we have our paddle collection – which, in truth, we’ve only just started to really to get the best of.
Bottom of the picture is an absolutely beautifully crafted three-tailed ‘Trident Paddle’ from MC Customs in Scotland and bearing the logo ‘M Campbell Maker Refrewshire’, embossed into the leather.

It’s 18” long, with the tails being 11” long and at 6mm thick is double thickness harness leather. It packs a really good sting and Mistress loves laying it on hard and the only reason I can think we don’t use it more is that it simply makes one hell of a crack when it connects with my bare bottom! Not ideal when you live in a semi-detatched house.

The little black two-tailed tawse (15” long, with 10” tails and 5mm thick leather) above it was bought to fit into Mistresses handbag so we could take it with us on weekend trips away. But it’s so ineffective, it’s largely redundant .Might make a good tool across the palms and soles of the feet though…. Neither of us had thought of that before!

The paddle above it is an old Jokari bat – they used to be available in pairs with a small hard rubber ball and used as a tennis-type game in the garden apparently. As a spanking paddle it’s a serious bit of kit, made from 8mm thick plywood and neatly 15” long. It’s a heavyweight whack applied with force, but like the leather paddle, makes a right noise.

Next up is a rather lovely leather paddle made by Quality Control which we bought at the London Fetish Fair last year. It’s just over 13” long but double thickness harness leather and 10mm thick. When we bought it, it felt very stiff, almost wood-like but because the weight is all in the business end, it’s got real flexibility in what you’d term the shaft but the head that impacts on your fleshy bottom cheeks has absolutely no give at all. Its packs a really stingy, thuddy punch and Mistress loves using it. It’s not my friend but I have to say it is rather a pleasure to suffer it.

Finally the bath brush. Definitely not my friend but Mistress adores it. We bought it in Boots chemist only a few weeks back and the one beating I’ve had from it so far wasn’t nice. It’s only 14” long but 15mm thick beech (I think) and produces a hellish sting that I find really hard to take (I blogged about this at the time).

However, it’s salutary effective has led to discussion here about whether we need something even more effective, a proper US-style paddle in the arsenal – something along the lines of a Spencer paddle, an implement if used in conjunction with Dorothy Spencer’s 1936 Spencer spanking plan is said to underpin the whole ethos of a female-led relationship. Assuming the document is real of course.



Thursday, 28 April 2011

In need of the cane

Mistress and I have barely seen each other four a couple of weeks. We’ve been that busy with work. If I’m home, she’s away and vice versa. Our flr isn’t falling apart. It’s just non existent right now because we’re not in each other’s company long enough to even think about it. It’s not ideal but that’s how things are. We have to work and, if I’m honest, I’m feeling pretty stressed and under pressure. And I know Mistress is too.

The little time we’re together, we spend catching up on routine stuff interspersed with lots of kisses and cuddles. I try my best to ease her burden by looking after the house and cooking but it’s not ideal and I know I’ve been coming up short, simply because my focus has to be elsewhere right now.

I’ve just finished working late at home. Mistress is away on business. I decided to catch up on some personal e-mails and ended up surfing for half an hour when really I should be in bed. 

I’ve watched a few really severe caning clips, it’s only now made me realise that the stress I’ve been feeling probably could be alleviated by a simple thrashing.

Does anyone else find that punishment isn’t just a small part of an flr but actually eases the stress of everyday life? It does for me and Mistress recently surprised me on this very subject. She caned me when I got in from work – for something I’d done wrong anyway - but admitted later it purged some of her frustrations from earlier in the day.

I wonder whether my natural masochistic tendencies are triggered by some subliminal message and then the frustrations build until finally the release comes in the form of punishment. Or whether work becomes so intense my masochistic tendencies are somehow triggered as a ‘pleasurable’ safety valve to override those stresses.

I know I’m probably talking nonsense but even writing this is good therapy and the fact remains, my recent lack of acquaintance with the cane is giving the fantasy element in my brain a serious workout.

If Mistress was here right now I’d be begging her to beat me without mercy with our Dragon cane. But if Mistress was here right now and was flexing the Dragon cane in front of me, telling me to bend over the bench, I’d probably be doing everything I could to persuade her not to beat me.

Now where is the sense in all of that?


Sunday, 17 April 2011

The real benefits of a Female Led Relationship

Last night, Mistress and I were discussing our flr regime and how we thought it enriched our relationship.

Do you have conversations like this?

From Mistresses point of view, she hates doing any kind of household chores and would rather being do some else so she’s more than happy to let me get on and look after the menial tasks. Add in the fact that she has a naturally dominant personality and likes nothing better than to be the one in control issuing the orders.

She also has a sadistic streak – in the nicest possible way. Before I introduced her to the idea domestic corporal punishment, she’d take great delight in flicking my nose, pinching the bottom of my ear, tweaking my nipples when we used to horse around. And still does. So when the opportunity arose to put a bit more sting into things, she didn’t take much persuading. But Mistress was also keen to punish me because she knew it was something I wanted, and needed, in my life.

From my point of view I can take pleasure knowing that by serving Mistress she can enjoy herself doing the things she likes, rather than have to worry about the household chores. And my punishments fulfil a lifelong fascination.

But what, beyond these pleasures, are the real benefits to our relationship as a whole?

The first thing we agree on is that there is no opportunity for complacency in our relationship – at least we can’t see any.

My marriage dissolved in a sea of complacency. We drifted apart the point that there was nothing left. And Mistresses marriage ended in similar way.

We both find that this regime means we always focus on each other. I know that’s something loving couples do in any relationship but this flr just sharpens the focus, helped by simple little rules and sanctions that Mistress has implemented along the way. I’m a naturally lazy and selfish person so I need that little extra focus.

And Mistress says the benefit for her – apart from she no longer has to do any of the menial housework she has always despised - is the enjoyment of ensuring I do keep that focus.

We’ve also noticed how intense and intimate our relationship is and while neither of us can really put a finger on why that is – apart from the fact we are madly in love with each other – we have to suspect that it’s something to do with the intensity and intimacy of living this sometimes quite strict d/s lifestyle.

I’m not articulating this very well so I hope you can understand where we coming form on this. Would any of you agree/disagree on what I’ve said so far?

The other thing we’ve noticed is that there is never tension in our home. I can be moody. Well I was. Not anymore. I’ve never seen Mistress sulky or moody in any way and she wasn’t about to allow me to be. She experienced moodiness in a previous relationship and the first time I got sulky I was quickly snapped out if it. And, if I’m honest, that’s done me a world of good not to have the luxury of being a miserable so and so!

When we first started on this path, Mistress came up with three golden rules. We have more now, but the first three remain etched on my mind. They ought to be after learning them was punctuated by copious use of the cane early in our regime!

The rules are simple:

Never say no to Mistress
Never question Mistress
Mistress is always right.

Those three little rules probably amount to the same thing but they have done us proud so far.

There’s no complacency and no tension in our relationship but an large amount of love and respect. We both feel those are the biggest benefits of Mistress being in charge in our house.

I wonder what others of you see as the real benefits of similar lifestyles?

Sunday, 10 April 2011

The history of the cane - on TV!

I’ve recently been reading an interesting blog called ‘The Sting And The Slap – a journey through our world of BDSM’.

One of the posts alerted readers to a TV programme on BBC in the UK called ‘The History of Corporal Punishment’ and the writer had this to say: 

This is the title of a programme being shown tonight on BBC 4 at 2100 hrs. It's been on before, or so I'm reliably informed, but I guess many of you won't have seen it.

Despite your views on punishing children this way, or not, the programme does give some fascinating insights into this controversial subject, and includes some footage from the Isle of Man, where of course, they were still merrily applying the Birch twigs to the backsides of errant male teenagers until fairly recently!

This sort of viewing always opens up the debate on the origins of peoples' spanking predilections, and indeed, the very essence of sub/dom and BDSM relationship interactions. Do they have their roots in childhood punishments ? Are those who were beaten at school or in the home more likely to involve this sort of thing in their adult relationships ? Or does it have little influence ? I know folk into CP who were punished as children this way, and also who were not...

And is the memory of the stern schoolmaster or schoolmistress taking control and administering the cane or strap a way out of the need to be in control in every aspect of modern day life which is replicated as a stress reliever?

I caught the programme on BBC i-player last night and I have to agree it was a fascinating insight. I’ve never condoned the corporal punishment of children but the programme wasn’t just about that, it was an insight into the history of corporal punishment.

I never realized for example that the reason for such violent punishments in years gone by was that there were so few law enforcement officers to keep society in England in check that the only way to keep control was by fear.

A lot of the programme was given over to judicial punishment, particularly in the Isle of Man where the birch was used for adults as well as adolescents, the island trying (and ultimately failing) to keep it’s strict judicial practice to prevent  the kind of upsurge of loutish, thuggish crime we experienced on the mainland.

I was at school in the Seventies but I never suffered corporal punishment at school (or in the home) but I was always fascinated by it and lived through the huge publicity generated by STOPP – The Society of Teachers Opposed to Physical Punishment.

Interesting to look back though this programme and discover that many pupils actually advocated the use of the cane as a way of keeping order in the class.  Interesting also to learn that when the final vote for abolition in the UK, the government of the day won by a single vote – and several key voters were stuck in a traffic jam caused by a royal wedding on the same day.

I think the very thing that made me so interested in the cane as an adult was actually constantly living under the threat of it at school. It seemed like that even though the cane was used infrequently in the school I went to, it was never far from our conversations. And for me, the fear of the cane and, more important, the fear of the humiliation of everyone knowing if I had been caned, was always tinged with excitement – excitement that also had a sexual connotation.

Initially I wondered why the programme was being aired again. I’d not heard any recent rumblings of activists trying to re-introduced corporal punishment into society (don’t laugh, it happens from time to time) but apparently it was part of a series currently being aired on law and justice in the UK.

So, to refer back to the question posed on The Sting And The Slap: “And is the memory of the stern schoolmaster or schoolmistress taking control and administering the cane or strap a way out of the need to be in control in every aspect of modern day life which is replicated as a stress reliever?”

I think the answer has to be yes. I certainly have to be in control in my work but at home I can assume the role of submissive with someone else – Mistress - being in control.

And the cane as stress relief? I’ve not thought of it like that but yes, very cathartic and cleansing.

The really interesting aspect to come out of watching the documentary with Mistress? Her strong interest in the use of the birch. Oh dear……

Did anyone else watch the programme?







Saturday, 9 April 2011

Mistress exerting authority

Mistress doesn’t do bad moods. Never in the time I’ve known her. Normally she’s a really happy, loving, tender person but this past week something is different.

Mistress is asserting herself in a way I’ve not experienced it before. I f we didn’t have this flr regime I’d probably be a worried man but, for once, I’ve worked out what she’s doing. She’s showing my in no uncertain terms what she expects from me.

As you know, I’ve been caned a couple of times in past week and I don’t think it’s the last I’ve seen of the whippy rods for a while. On the contrary, every little area I’m lacking is being picked up.

My office is off the side of the house and I’ve been working late on a project for several nights. Thursday night I got a text. ‘You have a task to complete.’

I read it, took in the message and knew I had the washing up to do and the kitchen to tidy before I went to bed – very late.

Yestarday morning we both woke. I was randy as hell and made approaches to Mistress, only to be rebuffed. ‘Go away, I’m very unhappy with you. You got my text.’

It wasn’t a question, it was a statement of fact. I said yes, and pointed out that I’d done the washing up, tidied up the mess in the kitchen and done some other bits and bobs too.

‘I’m talking about you washing my back.’

My heart sank. How could I be so stupid? I remember the last thing before going out to my office, Mistress had said she was taking a bath and expected me to wash her back.

I tried to console her with a hug but was rebuffed again. ‘Don’t even think of sex. You are going to have to earn it from now on….and you are going to work very hard to persuade me you deserve it.’

We’ve never done chastity. The thought of being locked up fascinates me and I find it slightly amusing how, SB in his blog ‘Serving B, has been trying to muster some sympathy for being locked up.

I’m not locked up but I’m wishing I was. Since my faux pas and our subsequent ‘chat’, Mistress has done nothing but tease me. Especially in bed: She very deft with her toes and I’ll be lying in bed and suddenly get her thigh across my nether regions, and clamp my penis between her thigh and calf.  She’ll tap my balls with her foot, and then massage me and then roll over chuckling. Oh the ache! Imagine, poor SB is doing 40 days of denial!

But we love it - don’t we? It’s bizarre but I kind of like it when Mistress denies me. I derive some deep inner satisfaction when she exercises that kind of control. There’s something rather intoxicating about having your lovely partner totally dominate you.

What I’m more worried about now is another round of punishment on my still bruised bottom. The way things are, it’s a given. The reason I’m so worried is that rather than risk adding more grazes with the cane, she might opt for the bath brush and it’s more bruising effect. My initiation with it hurt like hell and I’m honestly a bit scared she might use it again.

There’s certainly no let up in Mistresses new found authority. I got lectured in bed again this morning. Things in the housed not tidy. Not enough attention being paid to Mistress. My faults are many.

Mistress is out all day today visiting friends but warned me that everything had better be ship-shape when she returns – and she’s expecting tea on the table. She’s also warned me that tomorrow I am devoting the entire day to her.

Would I do anything else Mistress?

Friday, 8 April 2011

Caned over lunch

Lunchtime yesterday I reminded /mistress of the outstanding punishment I was due.

Did I really want to be caned again so soon after my weekend thrashing? Of course not. My bottom was still sore and bruised.

Did I deserve to be caned again so soon after my last thrashing? Absolutely.

I’ll explain why.

Mistress and I had been horsing around on Monday night. Play fighting, throwing banter in the form of playful insults at one another. I know at our age we should know better than act like teenagers but it was all good harmless fun. Until I put my big foot in it.

Mistress made some quip about our sex life and without thinking I responded with something like, ‘sex life, what sex life? I can’t remember.’

Mistress stopped in her tracks and with a face like thunder said, ‘how dare you? I think you need a good thrashing for a comment like that.’

I had overstepped the mark by quite a long way – and the comment was plainly untrue. I can’t believe how good a sex life we have.

This was Sunday night, about 11.00pm and we were on our way to bed. ‘You will pay for that comment,’ I was warned.

Typically, stuff got in the way and the punishment didn’t happen until Thursday and obviously the sting had gone from Mistresses anger by then. But she still caned me very hard using our crook-handled school cane. It’s a bit less cutting than the thin Dragon but delivers a unique sting as well as a thud – so it’s very effective.
If I’m honest, it’s my favourite. It’s the one cane we have that I really derive a deep sense of pleasure from each stroke. The stinging thud is followed by a really intense burn that seems to last much longer than any other cane we own.

But this caning wasn’t exactly pleasurable. To enjoy the burn the strokes have to be delivered and good intervals and Mistress obviously knew this so I copped several batches of ten at a time, really fast paced that had me writing around, even though I was over the bench. And then Mistress did something she’s never done before – she laid several strokes right on the crease between my thighs and buttocks. That aptly named sit-spot. Normally she likes to aply the strokes to my bottom cheeks. This was pure hell to take.

'I was running out of space so I thought I'd place a few there,' she said later. 'I thought you needed to suffer a bit more than normal. I must do that more in future.'

Great.
I wish we had photos because the fleshy part of my bottom cheeks were raised up and white with the large number of strokes while there were deep red angry weals along the sit-spot.

As punishment, it was a pretty effective episode.


Saturday, 2 April 2011

Being caned as a gift

Mistress looked across and asked me how I felt. ‘Cleansed,’ I replied. She chuckled and carried on reading Elle, occasionally showing me pages of the more risque fashions that she knew would tweak my senses.

Mistress had just delivered me a very overdue caning earlier this afternoon. It had been weeks since she punished me and, to be honest, this wasn’t punishment, more a re-acquaintance with her disciplinary ways.
By that I mean I wasn’t being punished for anything in particular. Call it maintenance!

She certainly didn’t hold back and had me teetering on the edge of begging her to stop throughout the session, mixing thin and thick Dragons with a paddle (a Jokari bat – very effective). In fact after the first six strokes with the thin Dragon I was actually pleading to be released from the bench but Mistress knows how I struggle for the first half a dozen strokes at the best of times and I was told in no uncertain terms who was in charge here. I was told I’d have to put up with it the best I could because this wasn’t going to be over until she said it was.

I have to admit that now I’m absolutely delighted Mistress imposed her will. The caning was painful and tested me to my limits but afterwards we both agreed it had been something we both needed.

We’ve uploaded some pictures after the initial session, then after another 18 or so strokes. Note the see-through plastic bloomers I have to wear when I present myself for punishment.



Before I continue, there is a need to apologise to you all for not having posted in such a long time but the truth is that Mistress and I have been so busy with our respective jobs that, not only have we not had the time to pay much attention to the flr side of our lives, we’ve barely seen each other for more than a couple of days at a time – and, even then, we’ve had to spend time with our heads buried in laptops.

At one stage I began to wonder about the future of the flr element of our relationship – whether we would ever get it back on track. I had never stopped doing the chores but wasn’t sure that was enough.

There were no clear indications of whether what I was doing do was pleasing her – or the opposite. I knew Mistress had no time to worry either way.

One day was particularly grumpy. If I’m honest I felt a little resentment that I was doing a lot of work and getting not recognition. In fact I was grumpy enough to warrant Mistress fetching the cane herself and giving me a few swipes with it – just to relieve her frustrations. Normally of course, I have to fetch the cane as part of my show of submission, so this was a dramatic change in itself so I knew I’d annoyed her.

It was probably only 18 hard strokes at most - but it did prompt a discussion about things. I explained my feelings and Mistress rightly pointed out several home truths. Firstly, while she recognised the work I was doing, she said that perhaps I should look around at the things she was doing too. She was, of course, right.

Secondly, no matter what chores I did, I should not automatically expect any acknowledgement of my work. Mistress pointed out that I should do things to please her as a matter of course. And, after all, she said, I didn’t heap praise on her for fixing dinner when I was out late, doing the laundry or any manner of other things she quietly got on with as a matter of course.

I explained that in my insecure head I’d worried our flr thing had run its course from Mistresses point of view but she reassured me that this was far from the case.

She said that as far as she was concerned, my servitude and submission was now part of our relationship and she had explained it was purely outside pressures that had taken the edge off our normal home life.

That made me so happy from the point of view that we are indeed both on the same wavelength. But I also felt bad because, obviously, I was expecting too much, given our circumstances. However, the discussion cleared the air and I think both of us felt assured that we are on the right path.

Before the workload went sky high, I’d bought a book called ‘Uniquely Rika’ written by Ms Rika and subtitled; ‘a practical  non-nonsense approach to a fulfilling female-led service-orientated dominance and submission-based relationship.’ It was recommended on one of the flr blogs and I felt intrigued. I’m sorry to say I can’t remember who suggested the book. No amount of surfing today has furnished me with the answer.

Anyway, I’m only half-way through the book but what I’ve quickly come to realise is how in-tune Mistress is with the thoughts of Ms Rika. And how badly I’ve handled the whole transition – making the string of mistakes that, according to Ms Rika, are typical of men who ‘think’ they are submissive!

From what I’ve read, I’m typical of many men who are keen to live in this kind of relationship, in that I’ve a lifelong fascination with corporal punishment, and try to manipulate that fantasy into a real-world service-orientated relationship.

What Mistress has taught me, and Ms Rika concurs in her writings, is that while I might well get to live out some of my fantasies, those fantasies will be driven by Mistress and may well not be exactly as I had envisaged them.

But the thing that has been worrying me, especially now I have read some of Ms Rika’s book, is whether I crave a flr enough or is it something I have been manipulating to live out my corporal punishment fantasies?
I’ve thought long and hard about this in the past, and especially now I have being read the book. Mistress and I have also discussed this and we both agree that yes, I have, but that our flr regime also keeps me on track from going back to the lazy ways of my past.

Reading SB’s excellent blog postings about how derives such pleasure from serving B makes me feel inadequate because I do so little for Mistress. However, from the little I do I too genuinely derive pleasure when it means my work gives Mistress has more free time. I know I can do more and will continue to strive to do so.

Mistress only ever started caning me because she knew it was something I wanted – and needed - and it was interesting to read Ms Rika’s view that while punishment is not necessary in a well-ordered flr where the male is truly wanting to serve, there are certain things that the dominant partner can give as a pleasurable reward. In a case cited in the book, the reward is for the sub male to give foot worship. But the important aspect is that the pleasure given is on her terms.

Perhaps I’m finally understanding all this. And will now look on my punishments as a reward – not as correction for doing something wrong as my fantasies had them marked out in my head.

The thing that impresses me about this journey the most is that Mistress, the lady I introduced to this lifestyle six years ago and who had no idea what I was even talking about at that time, has intuitively been following this path all along. It’s only now I’m starting to catch up!