Sunday, 13 February 2011

The severity of the paddle

I’m sat typing this morning, with a very swollen and bruised bottom after what I have to admit is the most severe corporal punishment session I’ve ever experienced.

And it wasn’t even a punishment as such, but a beating I’d requested from Mistress to quell a growing obsession that had left me short of any proper sleep patterns for over a week.

It all started when I read Burl’s post about his desire to be ‘broken’ during a punishment session. It led to a fascinating repsonse Kaelah’s, to which Burl posted some of the writings by Julnick explaining there are three types of spankings – including ‘breaking spankings’ – something I’ve always been interested in exploring
all have limits and, from when I first started exploring this side of me, I’ve had a desire to take my punishment as stoically as possible – but to be taken beyond my limit of endurance.
(if you want the background it's here: http://respectingmistress.blogspot.com/2011/02/punished-to-breaking-point.html).

We all have limits and, from when I first started exploring this side of me, I’ve had a desire to take my punishment as stoically as possible – but to be taken beyond my limit of endurance.

Mistress and I talked about this and the posts at length and she seemed enthusiastic to hear more so I felt it was pretty obvious that sooner or later I would be given a chance to experience such a beating – but I expected it as punishment and not quite so soon.

I’d had a few stinging whacks with the bath brush in the week for not putting the washing out so I’d some idea of what to expect. And yesterday morning I earned a dozen cuts from the thin Dragon cane.

I’d planned to go for a run yesterday morning – which we had both agreed I could do - but Mistress wanted to go shopping and because it was such a lovely sunny day, suggested I go with her to make the most of the weather and run later. That put my mind in a spin. I’d been looking forward to a run in sunshine for the first time this winter. But I also felt I should go with Mistress.

The issue for Mistress wasn’t whether I went shopping or running – but that I started to um and ah about what I was going to do. She hates my indecision at the best of times and when I then told Mistress she had put me in a position where I’d be unhappy doing either and acted the sulky child, Mistress went to fetch the cane.

I surprised myself by not arguing any further. I peeled of my jeans and dropped my pants for a swiftly-applied dozen that really took my breath. Then we kissed and hugged and went shopping. And had a great day out. I went to the gym later instead.

The bad thing was that I’d caused the issue in the first place. The good thing was that I’d taken the punishment without question because I knew I was in the wrong.

I know that in my distant past such an issue would have lasted all day but being in this wonderful flr, I’m kept on the straight and narrow with any issues swiftly dealt with by Mistress. Can a submissive male in such a perfect loving relationship ask for anything more?

Last night we ate diner, watched a glorious old movie and then Mistress told me to get upstairs for punishment. It took me slightly aback because she had no reason.

But once we got upstairs she made it plain, “you’ve kept on about this breaking spanking for days now. I think it’s time we found out how you react when there is no mercy.”

I was secured to the bench and my paddling started – first with the bath brush, then the leather paddle (spoon-shaped, 35cm long, 10mm thick double layer of stirrup butt from Quality Control) and then back to the bath brush. 

I’ve no idea how many I took but it was well in excess of 100 swats – maybe as many as 150 - and Mistress only stopped when flecks of blood began oozing from my battered cheeks, colouring the light oak surface of the bath brush.

Mistress varied the tempo, initially trying batches of six and then ten swats in parid succession, which had me gasping. Then she’d do two at a time (one each cheek) then a pause, then two more. Finally she finished with a volley of about 30-40 swats, all evenly spaces but with no real gaps for me to recover.

I surprised myself. I was writhing around and teetering on the edge of crying out but somehow survived the experience without making a noisy fuss – or begging for mercy. My throat was so dry I could barely swallow. I was sweating profusely. My breathing was all over the place. And I was trembling.

But was I broken? Unfortunately not. And that defeated the object. I’d hoped to experience that over-powering emotion of letting go, of weeping, of begging my Mistress to stop. And having her refuse to acknowledge my pleading until she was ready to call a halt.

But it’s not as negative as it sounds. The positive was Mistress caring enough to even contemplate such a session and both of us deriving deep pleasure from the intensity of the beating.

Mistress asked me afterwards if I felt punished and I had to say no. I explained that I felt punished when she caned me in the morning because I deserved it and the caning cleared the air. But this was more like one of our old CP game’s nights – though very severe. I wasn’t being beating for anything other than to discover something about ourselves. And I think we both took something from it.

It  was probably the most severe beating that I’ve ever had since embarking on my CP journey and certainly the most severe since I’ve been with Mistress. She applied every swat with full force and I thank her for that.
We both agree that the bath brush, used as Mistress had at the end of the session, would be another very effective tool in our disciplinary regime.

Personally I don’t like it at all. The brush, and our leather paddle, both produce deep stingy, thudding pain but for me there remains nothing as poignant or as delicious as a properly applied, full-blooded stroke from a Dragon cane.

What’s more I feel much more bruised than I’ve ever felt from the cane. My buttocks are actually swollen and I can feel them move when I walk. Sitting stings.

Having said that, I will acknowledge that the bath brush is an excellent disciplinary tool and I’m only too aware how Mistress enjoyed how easy it was to effect a severe thrashing with it.

Personally I’m dreading making it’s acquaintance in future. But it’s as inevitable as night follows day that it will be used regularly from now on…..

8 comments:

  1. Respecting Mistress:

    What an amazing post. First, congratulations to you and your Mistress for moving your flr into more serious full-time arrangement. Now it is not just a case (like in the old days) of submitting when you find things convenient but you realizing that what Mistress wants is most important.

    As for breaking down and crying, I will say this from experience. When B has brought me to tears, it isn't so much the physical pain, though that's a small part of it. Tears come from me relaxing and concentrating on the act she is performing. All I have to do is think of what a beautiful gift it is she is giving me and how lucky I am to be with someone who respects my desires and my wishes, and I begin to get emotional. I express my joy through tears. Once I relax and begin to let my emotions go, I can easily begin sobbing. She will then egg me on by continuing to spank me and saying things like "It's okay to cry, slave. I love your tears..." and then the real sobbing begins.

    For me, it's not being physically "broken" that is important, but recognizing the depth of love involved when someone who loves you is willing to hurt you. I wonder if this is harder to achieve when a disciplinarian is involved rather than a lover (as in Burl's case). I really don't know. But tears come from being willing and able to let go of one's emotions, not keeping things bottled in and simply trying to endure pain.

    Just my thoughts. Everyone is different.

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  2. Congratulations on having come closer to your aim and having had such a bonding scene. I have also thought a lot about the emotional part after having read your and Burl Apsack's accounts. And I second Serving B's comment.

    I've just posted a similar account on Burl Apsack's new post, because his and your attempts to break during a spanking made me think of whether this aspect might help you: When I do the very rare scenes (actually, one bigger scene so far) in which I let go and cry, the point is neither the severity of the spanking nor the fact that I'm in any way reminded of something I've done wrong.

    The point is that a) I must be in a vulnerable mood because of stress, sad thoughts on my mind or something like that and b) I have to feel my partner's care for me and that I have his permission to be weak and to cry (read: I neither have to be afraid to scare him, nor will he think any less of me when I cry).

    Oh, and how about using an implement for that purpose that creates a certain amount of pain without causing too much damage? Ludwig and I have for example a wicked little flogger, which is quite painful but doesn't cause to heavy marks. That way you have more time to try things out and your Mistress doesn't have to be too careful not to leave too heavy marks...

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  3. Wow...what a brave and positive experience...and the comment that Serving B said about the emotions involved...the pain is just the catalyst...or triggering device that unleashes the pent-up emotions...or stresses that i have...the need for the release of these feelings...is as much already there...as my submissive nature is...and i also agree with Kaelah...the more vulnerable emotionally i am at any given moment...and/or the love...the bonding i'm sharing with my Wife as She disciplines me...really determines, not the message She is delivering...but the length that i can go to, to truly submitting...to surrendering to Her will...to the pain...to my own nature...thank you all for sharing...good stuff!!!

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  4. I have received severe punishment from both Master and Mistress and have not been broken from the direct effect of that activity. I do admit there were times that came close but their concern for causing longterm permanent damage made them stop. You obviously have a high pain tolerence, as I do, but don't risk severe injury just to achieve something you want. I have be broken only once, about two weeks ago, as written in my blog, and it came after a severe calibration from Maater. What broke me was a combination of that along with the verbal berating for my actions which I was ashamed of.

    I am enjoying your blog and look forward to hearing about more of your expereinces in your flr.

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  5. Thank you all so much for your interesting and valid comments.

    I think like you say, SB, it's the emotion of the situation that will drive me over the edge ultimately and, as HSH says, the pain is indeed the catalyst.

    Maybe I will never ever be able to fully let go. Who know's?

    But what I think was the missing ingredient for this 'experiment' (for want of a better word) was that I wasn't being beaten for any specic fault. As I tried to explain, I felt more contrite as after a few strokes with the cane in the morning because I knew I'd done wrong. And as such, felt a much stronger bond at that time than in the evening where it felt more like we were just playing a scene out.

    Thanks DK's slave for your enlightened comments too. The long-term effect of excessive punishment does worry us both and Mistress does normally stop at any hint of blood being drawn. I respect her for this.

    Thanks for the suggestion of a flogger Kaelah. We could do with something that's really stingy and, like you said doesn't mark heavily. Can you suggest any commercial item(s) that I could check out please? We've only ever used canes, a crop and now the paddles, and there seems suc ha huge range of floggers - it's hard knowing which one would do the job best.

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  6. Unfortunately, the company which produced our flogger doesn't exist any more according to our local SM shop. I wonder why? ;-) But I can tell you that the tails of this flogger are made of rubber. You find a picture of it here. I find canes quite hard to take and this flogger is very stingy as well. It was the implement that started our one scene in which I used the spanking for crying. I think it took two hard strokes to get me there on that special occasion... Of course that flogger can leave marks as well, but from my experience they are not as bad as for example cane marks. I even used the flogger on Ludwig's back. You'll find offers for floggers made of rubber in the internet shops. Of course it would be easier if your local SM shop had them as well because you would be able to take a closer look at them before buying one. Hope this helps a bit! :-)

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  7. Thank you Kaelah. It's put us on the right track. We had a flogger once before - a cheap leather item - which was ineffective. We threw it away. I've see rubber floggers with wide tails of latex - - which didn't appeal either - but yours is an altogether a different concept.

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  8. I'm glad to hear that the idea with the flogger might have been helpful! :-) I quoted a bit from your last post in my second post about trust (this time from the perspective of a top) and linked to this one. I hope that's fine with you?!

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