Tuesday, 8 February 2011

Keeping our FLR real

How serious are we about our female-led relationships? Can an flr be truly real and or is it simply a complex game designed to add frisson to a relationship?

I’m not really questioning anyone here except myself, but I would love to hear what you think.

What started me on this tact was reading Tina’s comments at her excellent blog Die starke Frau last night and it made me sit and think. Tina’s going through a really tough time in her life and says in one of her recent posts: “Let me just tell you: If you feel devastated because you’r d/s life is not good enough or even non existing, and if you feel really sad about that fact….this only means that your general life can not be too bad right now.

“I can assure you: If things get really ugly, domestic discipline is not going to be your prevailing thought.

“Ms Marie mentioned the therapeutic affect that domestic discipline can have for her. And I second her statement. But for me, this is only true when the problems are not too big. If however, as in my current situation, the challenges of life as really big, domestic discipline does lose importance.”

I apologise here if I begin to ramble because I do find it difficult to express my thoughts – but isn’t that the beauty of being able to blog, to try and explain those thought and be able to share them with others who might understand better? So here goes.

I guess what I read into Tina’s comments is that without a really stable, loving relationship an flr could not exist anyway. And even with that, other forces can take the focus away from it.

Mistress and I do have that stability and love, and we both find, as Ms Marie and Tina say,  that our domestic discipline has a therapeutic effect , but not only is our flr is constantly challenged by outside forces, I still find it hard to totally let go.

So to me, it feels like I’m playing at an flr, rather than treating it as a serious and real part of our relationship. It’s a conundrum because I’m naturally submissive and want to please Mistress in any way I can. But last night showed once again that I’ve not fully embraced our flr.

I was on the computer when Mistress came in holding the new bath brush and commanded me to strip and bend over the chair. Instead of dropping my pants and bending over, I asked what I had done wrong and why did she want to beat me again. In the end I did as I was told and got half a dozen whacks but I knew I should have accepted her word at once and not questioned her.

It seemed a strange thing to happen after our weekend of discipline but I suddenly realised, this little scene wasn’t about punishment at all, it was simply to test how compliant I really was to her wishes. We didn’t discuss it there and then and went to bed, happy enough.

But, this morning we lay in bed discussing several elements of our flr, Mistress said: “The trouble with you is that you are not serious enough about any of this. You have to let go and just accept my authority otherwise this isn’t going to work. What happened last night isn’t acceptable any more.”

So how serious does it need to be?  I pointed out what I do around the house now. I try to please in any way I can.  Mistress countered saying I could do a lot more – and she will proved me with a list of things I should be doing - but her feeling is that it shouldn’t take her telling me what needs doing. I should be able to see for myself.

And I think that’s the bottom line where it becomes difficult. It’s not looking around seeing what needs doing. It’s not about doing thing to please Mistress in other ways. It’s having the time to focus on thinking about those things I need to do – and then doing them.

And that’s where the outside forces come in. We’ve both so much going on in our lives with works and family stuff, it’s hard to set that baggage aside when we’re together. But maybe that’s the real challenge of our flr.

What will make it serious, make it real, is overcoming those challenges by firstly making sure I am more intuitive to what needs to be done and secondly,  that when I do find myself in a situation where Mistress adopts an authoritarian demeanor, I embrace it wholeheartedly.

Mistress already has a dominant nature but me consciously allowing her to blossom as the true authority in our lives will allow our flr to become truly serious – and very, very real.

It’s what I want. It’s what she enjoys. So why am I making it so difficult?

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