Monday, 28 February 2011

Dressing for pleasure – or punishment?

How many of us in female led relationships wear some kind of special clothing in the home that signifies the terms of our position as the submissive – either by choice or by command?

I ask because I read wdspoone’s excellent post at http://maamyesmaam.blogspot.com  saying how shocked he was when a lady in authority ordered him to put silky panties on before he went over her knee for a good spanking.

I posted a response but then sat thinking about the wider scope of clothing in the rituals we experience.
I’m sure I’m not alone in having a thing about seeing women in boots.

Mistress has a big collection of them, for everyday wear and some special pairs for wearing indoors! The nice thing is that women can wear a pair of shiny thigh boots in public but one bats an eyelid (except for 90% of the male population in the street is seems!) but you know what I mean.

Ditto rainwear. I’m a big fan of seeing women in sbr (shiny black rubber) or pvc raincoats. A fully buttoned, tightly belted mackintosh gives them an added air of authority in my view – and women can get away with wearing a nice shiny black mack in public because only a few of us really make that link.  And yes, we see the heads turn.

I’m sure that, even if you haven’t got a rainwear kink, as a submissive male with a penchant for authoritarian women, you will almost certainly have a passion for leather, rubber or pvc in some form. Forgive me if I’m generalizing.

But what of dominant women? Do you have a passion for seeing your subbie dressed in a certain way – or is naked best?

Obviously some women, like the ones wdsoone quotes in his blog post, obviously either like seeing their charges in silky panties or think there is merit in the clothing as a means of humiliation – or both.

I just wonder what other dominants like to see their subbies dressed in – if anything at all. Or does mention of such things merely trivialize our relationships?

When I came into this flr with Mistress I brought a lot of baggage – well bags of baggage in the form of fetish clothing! And she’s embraced my interests in every way. In fact she often has a good giggle at my expense when I present myself in some of the outfits items  I already had (rainwear) and things we have bought since (lots more rainwear but other outfits befitting servitude).

So when I’m commanded to go upstairs and change, it means, ‘put one of your silly outfits on and come down here to be humiliated.’

When I bought them – lots with Mistress helping choose things – that’s what we both had in mind so I can’t complain. That was of course when we simply played CP games and dressing up for both of us was part of it. Now, Mistress tends to prefer to stay in ‘normal’ attire unless it’s a very specially planned occasion  – whereas she insists on me wearing wear some kind of alternative clothing that is almost bordering on ‘uniform.’ And Mistress being in normal dress somehow adds to the severity realism of our flr – well that’s what we both think.

But me? I can’t cope if I’m everyday clothing when Mistress suddenly says, ‘right strip off and bend over.’ It just doesn’t feel right. It’s almost like I need that special clothing to get my mind in the right place. It’s my method of preparation.

So what about the clothing us men wear? I hope you don’t mind but I’ll quickly re-visit some of the comments I made to wdspoone’s post. Personally I love wearing panties - I'll take the slinky feel of silk over cotton any time and I have no problem presenting myself for punishment with them on - and quite enjoy that feeling when Mistress slides her fingers into the waistband and peels them back.

We even bought a selection from  http://www.pantiesformen.com which are produced in a women's style but cut to suit a man’s anatomy. Sometimes Mistress will insist I wear them to go out shopping ( not only them but under my day clothes of course!). To be honest, you forget you have anything different on – until you walk into a crowed men’s toilet, unbutton at the urinal and then remember that you’ve got some delicious silky pink panties on.  Not so bad as suddenly remembering you have a CB600 padlocked firmly in place – but I’m sure you’ll understand me feelings.

Panties For Men are delectable my darlings and really cup your bottom cheeks most beautifully. They are. Seriously!  They are good quality. I just looked on their site and they’ve a whole range of new items since we bought ours over a year ago. Yummy!

What I find really humiliating is that Mistress insists on me wearing plastic pants - the type you see for sale on adult baby sites. We're not into that scene at all (but I wish all those that are the absolute best wishes) but I do have three pairs (one pair of pvc bloomers, a pair of oversize heavy duty pants and a pair of latex ones) purely to wear for punishment parade..... Having to stand in front of Mistress wearing them and nothing else is, quite frankly, embarrassing.

Not only do they add to my squirming, they work on a hygenic level because when Mistress rolls them back for my punishment, she ensure my genitals remain covered so I don’t 'dribble' over the furniture or on the carpet when I’m bent over!

I think the panty thing may be a small part of a bigger tv compartment in my psyche I don’t really understand it fully. I love looking through fashion magazines with Mistress but I'm not into dressing up in women's clothes per se. However, I do love wearing pvc and rubber raincoats around the house and have often wondered if that's a surrogate skirt. I do like that feel of the fabric brush my bare legs – or slapping against my riding boots which, forgive me if I’m wrong, is something you get wearing a skirt or dress.

But we do have other outfits that are definitely women’s clothing – or a kinky take on them. We have recently bought two pvc gowns (one yellow, one purple which I lounge in) but we also have a couple of victorian maid’s outfit (in pvc again) that I wear sometimes for the most stricter situations – when Mistress orders me to do certain household chores. Long black gown, equally long white apron. We even had the elasticated mop cap which I hated and ‘lost’. It really did feel ridiculous.

We even bought a couple of pairs of large-size feminine shoes to wear with the maid’s outfits too so the look is not only complete - but authentic.

While I don’t particularly like the maid’s outfit, I do think it’s perfect attire for household duties and certainly helps add that little extra frisson to the dusting and hovering.

I find that whole sissy maid thing really interesting, but while I don’t desperately mind dressing up to do my work, I’m not sure I’d want to go the complete feminisation route with wigs, make up, frillies etc – but can equally see why others would.

I wonder what would happen if Mistress suddenly decided she wanted me to. I would have no choice then. I wonder how many enforced sissy maids truly are ‘enforced? Or is that like asking how many of us in an flr are really in enforced submissives. If we didn’t want to embrace the lifestyle, would we actually be here?
I think wdpsoone mentioned how this form of dressing up, to get undressed as it were, very much encourages an air of juvenility and it certainly plays with my head in that way. It’s all part of a ritual we submissives seem to thrive upon.

And, as I said in my comment on Maam Yes Maam, isn't ritual everything in the context of corporal punishment anyway?

Thursday, 24 February 2011

When Mistress is away – the sub will play…..

.…..But oh how he will pay later!

I hate it when Mistress is away on business. It’s so hard to focus without her here. She’s not one to get on my case, but somehow, when she is here, I buckle down to what needs doing – usually without question. It’s like being in tune to what’s needed and what my lovely lady desires.

I know what you are thinking, a good sub should know how to behave, with or without his mistress being present. I agree.

But maybe I don’t want to.

Generally, I get my work done, I get my chores done, I make contact with Mistress – but then I spend an inordinate amount of time on the internet. And enjoy doing so.

It allows me time to relax, catch up with the blogs I follow and explore a few new places too.
So why do I feel like I’m being unfaithful?

Is that why I do it?  

To incur the wrath?

Do any of you subs out there act like this, knowing the outcome isn’t going to be pleasant?

An evening of surfing does trigger powerful emotions and all I think about at such times is the severity of thrashing I would love to experience. I’m off in a fantasy world and I’m usually in a right state when I go to bed but the one rule I never, ever break is to relieve myself. That would be an act of unfaithfulness. Mistress might not have me locked in a chastity device but, as she’s said in the past, she decides when I orgasm. I have always respected that.

And of course, when it comes down to facing the prospect of a really severe thrashing, I will, as you all know, try anything to wriggle out of it!

Can anyone else relate to this?

I digress.

I’d also been away on business for a couple of days, but came home this afternoon and when I spoke to Mistress tonight, the first thing was a reprimand for not calling her all day.

I pointed out the hotel I stayed in had no reception from the rooms. She pointed out that I had gone outside last night to call her goodnight…so why didn’t I do the same first-thing this morning?

She was right of course. One black mark.

“So why didn’t you call this afternoon?

I explained I was driving.

“Well, you should have called before you set off then. You aren’t doing very well are you?”

That’s Mistresses way of telling me I’m in deep trouble.

“So what have you been doing since you got back?”

I could have lied and given a list of chores I’d done – and then rushed around tomorrow to make sure they were done. But while I might be a lousy sub, I can’t lie to Mistress. Honesty is another of our golden rules. So I explained I wanted to relax for a change and be fresh to start work tomorrow morning early.

“Hmmm, so you are sat at your computer surfing then.”

It wasn’t a question, a damning statement of fact. She knew exactly what I was doing.

“Oh dear, dear. You really aren’t doing very well are you?”

The phone went silent. Mistress was clearly awaiting a response. At least an apology. I wanted to say sorry but it felt like a pathetic offering for what was clearly very bad behaviour on my part. And I certainly didn’t have any excuses.

Eventually Mistress broke the ice – but it felt like hell freezing over.

“So you’ve actually done nothing since you got in – brought in the washing, put another load in, done the washing up, wrapped up that birthday present you have to send, dusted, hoovered, cleaned the bathroom?  There are plenty of things you could have been doing.”

It was humiliating being talked at like some naughty child – but that’s exactly what I was. I know that. You know that. And, if I’m honest, I rather enjoyed Mistress adopting her authoritarian attitude over the phone.
How do you feel when you mistress berates you?  Does it excite you? Or scare you? Or both? Or are you better behaved than me?

She was right of course. I had convinced myself nothing needed doing in order to satisfy my own little fancies. A good sub would have done all these things automatically before even thinking of his own pleasures.
The real problem I’ve created is that Mistress comes home tomorrow night and I won’t have been able to do all those chores by then. So, while I am doing them, it will impinge on our time together. She knows that. I know that. It’s just a shame I didn’t think of that when I sat down at the computer earlier tonight.
But it took that phone call to make me realise my folly.

Now I’ve got the black marks for missed phone call opportunities. I’ve got the black marks for surfing. And I’ve got black marks for not doing those chores. Even if I rush around and do them tomorrow, which I will, it’s too late.

I’m sure you’ll agree I deserve everything that’s coming my way.

Wednesday, 23 February 2011

Corporal punishment voyeur

I’m sure I wasn’t alone in eagerly awaiting each episode of  Serving B’s rather excellent video of SB’s punishment by B.

But I wonder what we all got out of it?  Was it simply the excitement of seeing a fellow submissive thrashed by an authoritarian mistress, A stirring of sexual excitement… or does it go deeper than that?

For myself, as I said to SB in an e-mail, my interest is imagining what led them to this scene, what the lecture might have been about and then how the mistress applies the punishment – and how the submissive receives it. But then to supplant myself into the scene and imagine my responses and feelings.

I occasionally watch clips on spanking tube with this same fascination and never get bored with my silly little fantasy analysis of the scene.

Obviously, the majority of clips are professionals but the ones that fascinate me are the obvious home-produced clips because they are just like you and I acting out a scene in the privacy of their own home.
One that captured my imagination recently was by a gentleman called daveken48 and called ‘Mistress Canes Naughty Boy’. What impressed me was the sheer power the mistress used to apply each stroke of the cane and how her charge remained in position for each stroke.


I love the authority in her voice as she lectures him and then announces ‘it’s a good dose of the stick for you…’ That’s so ‘olde English’, so ‘Victorian’, that I was almost willing her to add: ‘and I expect you to take it without a fuss.’  It really was just how I would imagine a Governess verbally chastising her charge before thrashing him mercilessly.

I loved her casual indifference as she adds weight to the lecture as she’s caning him. You can imagine this is a scene the pair of them may well acted out time and again in their front room – at least I hope they have – and continue to do so.

But I wonder about the poor man. Yes, he’s broken the rules but you have to feel some pity for him, bent there taking that punishment. I wonder how he felt when his mistress  ordered him to the front room. Did he realise he’d be bent over again so soon (his bottom was already well marked before this caning). Was he working flat out to try and please and overlooked one small thing that annoyed her?

I know others will say he deserved it if he had broken her rules – and I agree. But it just looks so harsh. But so thoroughly intoxicating! As a submissive male, you would want to be there taking that.

I know my heart would have been racing while being lectured. I know I would have struggled to take those strokes without moving. Did you hear him fighting back a yell when one of the strokes caught him? He could barely count, the poor fellow. I know that feeling so well.

And had all these feelings rushing through me when I watched SB going through that thoroughly excellent thrashing at the hands of B.

I found their clips even more powerful because, in some little way SB and I have connected through our blogs so this was almost like seeing a good friend thrashed – something I’ve certainly never experienced before.

And , while I empathised with his ordeal, I marvelled at B’s fortitude in delivering the kind of thrashing she knew he wanted and needed. I felt there was a lot of love there – but probably because I have had a lot of contact with SB over the past few months.

But how do you all feel when you see clips like this? Do you think ‘lucky beggars’? Do you gain sexual gratification?  Do you feel sympathy for the submissive? Or admiration for the mistress? Or some of it all?

Sunday, 13 February 2011

The severity of the paddle

I’m sat typing this morning, with a very swollen and bruised bottom after what I have to admit is the most severe corporal punishment session I’ve ever experienced.

And it wasn’t even a punishment as such, but a beating I’d requested from Mistress to quell a growing obsession that had left me short of any proper sleep patterns for over a week.

It all started when I read Burl’s post about his desire to be ‘broken’ during a punishment session. It led to a fascinating repsonse Kaelah’s, to which Burl posted some of the writings by Julnick explaining there are three types of spankings – including ‘breaking spankings’ – something I’ve always been interested in exploring
all have limits and, from when I first started exploring this side of me, I’ve had a desire to take my punishment as stoically as possible – but to be taken beyond my limit of endurance.
(if you want the background it's here: http://respectingmistress.blogspot.com/2011/02/punished-to-breaking-point.html).

We all have limits and, from when I first started exploring this side of me, I’ve had a desire to take my punishment as stoically as possible – but to be taken beyond my limit of endurance.

Mistress and I talked about this and the posts at length and she seemed enthusiastic to hear more so I felt it was pretty obvious that sooner or later I would be given a chance to experience such a beating – but I expected it as punishment and not quite so soon.

I’d had a few stinging whacks with the bath brush in the week for not putting the washing out so I’d some idea of what to expect. And yesterday morning I earned a dozen cuts from the thin Dragon cane.

I’d planned to go for a run yesterday morning – which we had both agreed I could do - but Mistress wanted to go shopping and because it was such a lovely sunny day, suggested I go with her to make the most of the weather and run later. That put my mind in a spin. I’d been looking forward to a run in sunshine for the first time this winter. But I also felt I should go with Mistress.

The issue for Mistress wasn’t whether I went shopping or running – but that I started to um and ah about what I was going to do. She hates my indecision at the best of times and when I then told Mistress she had put me in a position where I’d be unhappy doing either and acted the sulky child, Mistress went to fetch the cane.

I surprised myself by not arguing any further. I peeled of my jeans and dropped my pants for a swiftly-applied dozen that really took my breath. Then we kissed and hugged and went shopping. And had a great day out. I went to the gym later instead.

The bad thing was that I’d caused the issue in the first place. The good thing was that I’d taken the punishment without question because I knew I was in the wrong.

I know that in my distant past such an issue would have lasted all day but being in this wonderful flr, I’m kept on the straight and narrow with any issues swiftly dealt with by Mistress. Can a submissive male in such a perfect loving relationship ask for anything more?

Last night we ate diner, watched a glorious old movie and then Mistress told me to get upstairs for punishment. It took me slightly aback because she had no reason.

But once we got upstairs she made it plain, “you’ve kept on about this breaking spanking for days now. I think it’s time we found out how you react when there is no mercy.”

I was secured to the bench and my paddling started – first with the bath brush, then the leather paddle (spoon-shaped, 35cm long, 10mm thick double layer of stirrup butt from Quality Control) and then back to the bath brush. 

I’ve no idea how many I took but it was well in excess of 100 swats – maybe as many as 150 - and Mistress only stopped when flecks of blood began oozing from my battered cheeks, colouring the light oak surface of the bath brush.

Mistress varied the tempo, initially trying batches of six and then ten swats in parid succession, which had me gasping. Then she’d do two at a time (one each cheek) then a pause, then two more. Finally she finished with a volley of about 30-40 swats, all evenly spaces but with no real gaps for me to recover.

I surprised myself. I was writhing around and teetering on the edge of crying out but somehow survived the experience without making a noisy fuss – or begging for mercy. My throat was so dry I could barely swallow. I was sweating profusely. My breathing was all over the place. And I was trembling.

But was I broken? Unfortunately not. And that defeated the object. I’d hoped to experience that over-powering emotion of letting go, of weeping, of begging my Mistress to stop. And having her refuse to acknowledge my pleading until she was ready to call a halt.

But it’s not as negative as it sounds. The positive was Mistress caring enough to even contemplate such a session and both of us deriving deep pleasure from the intensity of the beating.

Mistress asked me afterwards if I felt punished and I had to say no. I explained that I felt punished when she caned me in the morning because I deserved it and the caning cleared the air. But this was more like one of our old CP game’s nights – though very severe. I wasn’t being beating for anything other than to discover something about ourselves. And I think we both took something from it.

It  was probably the most severe beating that I’ve ever had since embarking on my CP journey and certainly the most severe since I’ve been with Mistress. She applied every swat with full force and I thank her for that.
We both agree that the bath brush, used as Mistress had at the end of the session, would be another very effective tool in our disciplinary regime.

Personally I don’t like it at all. The brush, and our leather paddle, both produce deep stingy, thudding pain but for me there remains nothing as poignant or as delicious as a properly applied, full-blooded stroke from a Dragon cane.

What’s more I feel much more bruised than I’ve ever felt from the cane. My buttocks are actually swollen and I can feel them move when I walk. Sitting stings.

Having said that, I will acknowledge that the bath brush is an excellent disciplinary tool and I’m only too aware how Mistress enjoyed how easy it was to effect a severe thrashing with it.

Personally I’m dreading making it’s acquaintance in future. But it’s as inevitable as night follows day that it will be used regularly from now on…..

Tuesday, 8 February 2011

Punished to breaking point

My fascination with corporal punishment goes back to school days. I was never caned, never beaten in any way apart from a slap on the legs from a lady teacher when I was in primary school.

But oh how I longed to experience the cane.  The sight of that crook-handle thin rod of rattan both thrilled me and scared me. And that swishing sound it made, and crack impacting on a bottom made my heart beat so intensely I’d loose breath.

I hasten to add I never saw a boy caned in real life but it seemed there were plenty of scenes on TV to capture my attention.

It was a frustration that I lived with until I was over 40 years old. At school I just never had the balls to go out and do something seriously wrong to get myself into a situation that guaranteed a visit to the Headmaster’s office.  There seemed to be a big stigma to getting caned when I was at school so maybe it worked well as a deterrent for us more placid boys.

And once an adult I found myself in a marriage where my wife promised so much but delivered so little (I had told her about my fantasies early in our relationship and she promised she would humour them one day – but never did).

It’s only since my marriage ended and, being in a wonderful relationship with Mistress, that I’ve found someone who is only too keen to indulge my fantasies and all us both to enjoy my life to the full.

I’ve never understood the fascination of the cane – no matter how hard I’ve tried to analyse it. I want it so badly but will do anything to squirm out of it. I hate the pain but get excited when I know it’s coming. I’ve read countless books and magazines on the subject but still it’s a mystery.

The predominant theme in my childhood fantasies were of owning to a crime that one of the girls I always fancied had committed. So I save her from the cane and suffered as a result. And my punishments were always administered by a female.  I used to fantasise that my bravery would win me the heart of the girl – who generally I’d never have the gumption to go and ask out in real life!

If there are any psychoanalysts among us then I’d be pleased for them to unravel this!

But to get to my point. One aspect of punishment that intrigues me still after all these years is a desire to be punished to the point that I break down and weep. I don’t know why this should be but it’s not only me with this mindset as I discovered when I read Burl Apsacks’ recent post about his desire to suffer in this way.
Burl, it seems has a very high pain threshold, so to achieve his goal would take an inordinate amount of punishment – so much that the skin on his buttocks ends up grazed and covered in blood.

It means Burl is still seeking to fufill his fantasy of being broken.

I’m not blessed with his high threshold of pain but I’ve still not reached that breaking point, though Mistress does seem to take me closer and closer to the edge. The only thing it seems that stops me teetering over it is Mistresses thoughts for my welfare. Although she loves wielding the power over me, she’s still only capable of pushing me so far before her natural instincts kick in and she stops beating me.

But why that fascination to suffer so much? Kaelah posted a comment on Burl’s blog asking this very question – since her desire, she says is to take a heavy thrashing without being broken.

I think that’s an honourable way to take punishment. I try so hard not to make a fuss – and when I do, Mistress is constantly telling me to keep quiet. My whole aim is to keep that stiff upper lip and take my punishment ‘like a man.’  At least that’s what was expected from my schooldays I believe. But even then didn’t the bravest of schoolboys sidle off to the loo to shed a brief tear?

But I don’t think that’s what Burl or myself mean when we want to be broken. We actually feel the need to be taken way beyond out limits where, in truth, there is no option but to give in to one’s emotions. For me that’s when punishment really would be punishment – or at least that’s what I’ve always told myself. Even though I’ve no idea what lies beyond that moment of being broken.

Burl in return to Kaelah’s thoughtful questions quoted BDSM top Julnick dicussing the elements a ‘breaking spanking’ that I think just about sums it all up rather well.

According to Julnick: “Breaking spanking is designed to break down the will, break down emotional barriers, and is designed around specific psychological elements.

“There are two subsets of this spanking type, there is regression, and there is simple compassion/safety.

“Within the group of men who desire this spanking, there are some who need to be regressed, psychologically, brought down to a child-like state, where it is acceptable to cry. And some just need to be taken to a place where they feel safe enough, and insured enough against ridicule that they can let go and cry.

“This spanking involves a lot of pain, physically, to overwhelm the emotional barriers. Also, with the pain is a good deal of psychological action, weakening the barrier in tandem with the action of the spanking.

“For these spankings, OTK is very important. It feels vulnerable, but vulnerable to the top, not to the world in general. It also feels child-like, being over the knee. Spanking with the hand is important, it feels personal, connected. Touch is vital, the top is taking the bottom to a very frightening place in his head, tearing down that wall is going against very strong, nearly survival instincts.

“There is going to be a lot of panic and resistance as that begins to happen. The top needs to "hold the  hand" of the bottom throughout, constantly reassure the bottom, constantly, touch, pet, give physical comfort., as well as verbal comfort, constant reassurances, soft tone of voice, as if speaking to a terrified child, because that is what it can be equated to.”

Personally I disagree that it needs to be OTK or that it needs to be a spanking to achieve this – not in my case anyway.

The mere fact that Mistress has the love in her to discipline me is enough, without direct contact. And to achieve the goal of breaking me, she would not have the power in her hand alone to deliver a spanking of adequate severity.

I totally understand the psychology that Julnick is talking about though. I feel panic brought on by not being able to control my emotions during punishment. And resistance to staying there and taking it – though thankfully I’m usually secured in position so I have no choice.

Both during and after punishment  I also feel an overwhelming sense of vulnerability and, particularly afterwards, I desperately need that ‘holding of the hand’ by Mistresses – but more in the form of hugs and kisses – as a means of reassurance, as well as a open display of love and affection.

In fact, Julnick says in his position as a top he will, “hold the bottom, and they will often cry, and cling to me, for a long time, completely vulnerable. And my heart is open, exposed as I do this, because otherwise I couldn't feel them, I couldn't touch them the way they need to be touched. That is the responsibility I feel.”

It seems the more I try to understand the psychology of my fantasies that have driven me to where I am and who I am, the more intensity I unearth. But what a fascinating journey it is.



 
Reference:
You can read Julnick’s ‘Three Types of Spankings’ here: http://www.mybdsm.com/pages/aharshaw/Three-types-spanking.html
Kaelah maintain a rather excellent blog here with Ludwig:

Keeping our FLR real

How serious are we about our female-led relationships? Can an flr be truly real and or is it simply a complex game designed to add frisson to a relationship?

I’m not really questioning anyone here except myself, but I would love to hear what you think.

What started me on this tact was reading Tina’s comments at her excellent blog Die starke Frau last night and it made me sit and think. Tina’s going through a really tough time in her life and says in one of her recent posts: “Let me just tell you: If you feel devastated because you’r d/s life is not good enough or even non existing, and if you feel really sad about that fact….this only means that your general life can not be too bad right now.

“I can assure you: If things get really ugly, domestic discipline is not going to be your prevailing thought.

“Ms Marie mentioned the therapeutic affect that domestic discipline can have for her. And I second her statement. But for me, this is only true when the problems are not too big. If however, as in my current situation, the challenges of life as really big, domestic discipline does lose importance.”

I apologise here if I begin to ramble because I do find it difficult to express my thoughts – but isn’t that the beauty of being able to blog, to try and explain those thought and be able to share them with others who might understand better? So here goes.

I guess what I read into Tina’s comments is that without a really stable, loving relationship an flr could not exist anyway. And even with that, other forces can take the focus away from it.

Mistress and I do have that stability and love, and we both find, as Ms Marie and Tina say,  that our domestic discipline has a therapeutic effect , but not only is our flr is constantly challenged by outside forces, I still find it hard to totally let go.

So to me, it feels like I’m playing at an flr, rather than treating it as a serious and real part of our relationship. It’s a conundrum because I’m naturally submissive and want to please Mistress in any way I can. But last night showed once again that I’ve not fully embraced our flr.

I was on the computer when Mistress came in holding the new bath brush and commanded me to strip and bend over the chair. Instead of dropping my pants and bending over, I asked what I had done wrong and why did she want to beat me again. In the end I did as I was told and got half a dozen whacks but I knew I should have accepted her word at once and not questioned her.

It seemed a strange thing to happen after our weekend of discipline but I suddenly realised, this little scene wasn’t about punishment at all, it was simply to test how compliant I really was to her wishes. We didn’t discuss it there and then and went to bed, happy enough.

But, this morning we lay in bed discussing several elements of our flr, Mistress said: “The trouble with you is that you are not serious enough about any of this. You have to let go and just accept my authority otherwise this isn’t going to work. What happened last night isn’t acceptable any more.”

So how serious does it need to be?  I pointed out what I do around the house now. I try to please in any way I can.  Mistress countered saying I could do a lot more – and she will proved me with a list of things I should be doing - but her feeling is that it shouldn’t take her telling me what needs doing. I should be able to see for myself.

And I think that’s the bottom line where it becomes difficult. It’s not looking around seeing what needs doing. It’s not about doing thing to please Mistress in other ways. It’s having the time to focus on thinking about those things I need to do – and then doing them.

And that’s where the outside forces come in. We’ve both so much going on in our lives with works and family stuff, it’s hard to set that baggage aside when we’re together. But maybe that’s the real challenge of our flr.

What will make it serious, make it real, is overcoming those challenges by firstly making sure I am more intuitive to what needs to be done and secondly,  that when I do find myself in a situation where Mistress adopts an authoritarian demeanor, I embrace it wholeheartedly.

Mistress already has a dominant nature but me consciously allowing her to blossom as the true authority in our lives will allow our flr to become truly serious – and very, very real.

It’s what I want. It’s what she enjoys. So why am I making it so difficult?

Monday, 7 February 2011

Revisiting our FLR ‘contract’

Back in July last year Mistress and I drew up an FLR training regime, designed to introduce some real discipline into my life in order that I show the proper respect to my Mistress.

I care for her and lover her deeply but we both agreed I lacked focus and easily slipped off the rails – in terms of my attitude around the house. I found it all to easy to do things I enjoyed doing, leaving Mistress to tend to chores that we had always said I should look after. I knew was too selfish and lazy for my own good and I was certainly only too happy to have some discipline imposed on me in order to boost our relationship rather then me gradually grind it down.

By and large the regime worked well until just before Christmas when I had a tantrum and refused to take a punishment (you can read the post about this). Since then things have been quiet on our flr front, although I have continued with my set regular chores etc

We had chatter over the situation several times recently and on Sunday we finally got things back on track.  After my day of discipline we sat down to discuss the original document in detail to see what, if any changes were required to our original agreement.

The first thing we agree on that our FLR training regime is no longer ‘training’. We have agreed to adopt our rules for as long as they suit both of us. We agreed that the training has worked to a degree but both us have many outside forces on us so we find it difficult to always implement the regime to the last letter.

But at least we both agree an flr works for us and we both derive loving pleasure from the bond that living this way gives us.

So we looked at our original training regime rules and made the following notes from us both, which are shared with you below. We would love to hear your comments and advice on the direction we are going, plus any ideas you might think it worth us implementing.


 

FLR Training

g will undergo a six month retraining period. Starting July 9, it will take the form of a concentrated, severe ‘boot camp’ style regime to retrain him to think more about his Mistress and curb his selfish attitude.


The programme will incorporate the following elements:

  1. Mistress will take full control of the household.
MISTRESS: THERE HAS BEEN TOO MUCH GOING ON IN THE BACKGROUND FOR THIS TO BE TOTALLY IMPLEMENTED. HOWEVER IT IS MY INTENTION THAT IN TIME THIS SHALL BE THE CASE.
g: MISTRESS HAS MUCH MORE CONTROL THAN BEFORE THE TRAINING REGIME BEGAN BUT, UNDERSTANDLY, THERE IS STILL SOME WAY TO GO BEFORE SHE IS 100% CONTROLLING EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE

  1. g will be required to ask permission of Mistress before buying any luxury goods, surfing the net, working at home in the evenings. He will be required to give access to his bank account in order for mistress to check his outgoings.  He will also be given a weekly cash allowance in cash for food at his workplace.
MISTRESS:  THIS HASN’T HAPPENED BUT g NEEDS TO CURB HIS SPENDING. FROM TODAY g WILL ONLY BE ALLOTTED A £25 PER WEEK FOR HIS LUNCHES. HE WILL ALSO HAVE TO RECEIVE MY PERMISSION BEFORE HE BUYS ANY LUXURY GOODS. CHECKING BACK ACCOUNTS IS IMPRACTIAL THOUGH. HE WILL ALSO BE REQUIRED TO ASK MY PERMISSION BEFORE HE CAN HAVE ACCESS TO THE INTERNET AND HIS TIME WILL BE LIMITED

  1. g will use the term Mistress as the only form of address in the house. Using the term outside of the house is at the discretion of Mistress.
MISTRESS: THIS HAS BEEN DONE BUT g NEEDS TO BE MORE RESPECTFUL. IT IS TOO MUCH TONGUE IN CHEEK AT TIMES

  1. When working away from home g will ensure to spend quality time with Mistress on the telephone. He will also ensure Mistress is kept up to date with his eating/sleeping habits – and he will be aware of Mistresses sleeping patterns.
MISTRESS: THIS WORKS WELL

  1. Mistress will assign a list of daily household chores that g must complete to the satisfaction of Mistress.  He will also be allotted a room each day to clean.
MISTRESS: g DOES SOME OF THE CHORES BUT IS STILL TOO LAZY. I WILL DRAW UP A LIST OF CHORES TO BE CARRIED OUT ON A WEEKLY BASIS

  1. g will wear an apron while performing all household duties.
g: I ALREADY DO THIS

  1. g will also wear restricted underwear when in the house.
MISTRESS: SEE NOTE EIGHT BELOW

  1. Mistress will determine designated full uniform dress days in the house.
MISTRESS: IN FUTURE THIS WILL BE EVERY WEEKEND WHEN WE ARE AT HOME. IT IS NOT PRACTICAL 24/7

  1. Mistress will investigate the possibility of putting g into a chastity device.
MISTRESS: THIS IS AN ONGOING DISCUSSION
g: I THINK IT WOULD BE A WORTHWHILE EXPERIMENT AT WEEKENDS INITIALLY PERHAPS, TO CONTROL MY URGES AND TO INCREASE YOUR CONTROL OVER ME

  1. All punishment will be dealt with in a ‘judicial’ manner. Serious faults will be administered, if not on the spot, at the earliest possible convenience. Lesser faults will be recorded by means of a ‘Notice of Discipline’. These will be accumulated over the period of a week and dealt with in a weekly ‘
    Disciplinary Court
    ’ on a day and time specified by Mistress. Once a Notice of Discipline had issued the corrective measures must be carried out in full.
MISTRESS: WHILE WE ARE BOTH BUSY THIS DOESN’T WORK. I WILL ADMINISTER PUNISHMENT AS AND WHEN I SEE FIT AND WHEN IT FITS IN WITH OUR OTHER COMMITTMENTS
g: I LIKE THE IDEA OF THE ‘NOTICE’ BUT IT DOESN’T WORK FOR US. NOR DOES THE PUNISHMENT BOOK. WE HAVE THE BLOG TO RECORD DISCIPLINARY PROCEDURES

11. Mistress will introduce other forms of non-corporal punishment, including corner time and written punishments such as lines or essays.
MISTRESS: WE’VE TRIED LINE WRITING. WE SHOULD ALSO LOOK AT CORNER-TIME FOR A REFLECTIVE PUNISHMENT FOR g

12. g will maintain a Punishment Book, updated after each punishment, plus a Journal, updated on a daily basis.
MISTRESS: DELETE THIS.

13. All punishments will be full-force. There will be absolutely no leniency.
MISTRESS: THIS GOES WITHOUT SAYING

Compiled on Jul 15, 2010


Mistress reiterated that from now on, I do not have any right to refuse doing something I am told to do or to decline punishment. Doing so will dissolve our flr regime. This is absolute.

We also discussed my need to be more intuitive and attentive to Mistress’ needs. It is now rule that I have to drop anything if Mistress summons me.

We also have a new rule that I should remain one step behind Mistress when we are out shopping – to underline my subservience. And I am no longer allowed to look in ‘my’ shops without permission. 

We discussed the idea some kind of discipline plan to ensure I exercise regularly and eat a more healthy diet but have no set plan formulated. It would great to hear from anyone in an flr who has implemented something along these lines.

We would also be interested to know if others have drawn up similar regimes and have regular reviews. Or don’t  you think that such documents are unnecessary?



Sunday, 6 February 2011

Sunday best – with the cane

It’s been an uplifting day – a day my Mistress re-asserted her authority on our household. And I couldn’t be happier

I’ve washed up the dinner things, made Mistress a cup of tea and been instructed to write up the rest of the day’s proceedings.

As I said in my earlier post, I’d been promised more discipline once we got back home from our shopping break this morning and I can’t say I’ve been disappointed.

Mistress instructed me that there would be no chance of pleading for mercy or wriggling out of the inevitable on any grounds what so ever.

The premise for punishment was simple. I was overdue correction. There have been countless lapses in recent week that have gone unpunished and I needed to be brought back in line. I couldn’t disagree.

We had to pick a few things up at the supermarket for lunch and when we got home I was immediately told to get up stairs, get changed and return with two canes: the thin Dragon and the crook-handled school cane.
In truth I had been dreading this moment. Oh yes, I’d tasted the bath brush only a few days earlier and my bottom was still sore but I knew only too well the venom of a full caning and, if I’m honest, I was scared.
In fact I’ve been worried about this happening for a few weeks now. It’s strange me, the masochist, the one with all the enthusiasm for the cane and to live an flr. But the fact is the dynamic has been gradually changing in our household and I’m definitely no longer topping from the bottom.

I actually started to feel quite ill when were on our way home because I knew once inside the front door, there was no escape. You know, that horrible ache in the pit of your stomach that make you think you may need to run to the toilet? And my heart was pumping like crazy.

Getting changed means wearing a pair of pvc or rubber bloomers. I find them humiliating to wear but they a necessity – in that they can be peeled down to reveal my bare bottom while leaving my genitals covered to avoid any ‘dribbles’ onto the carpet.

Wearing a shiny black pvc or rubber raincoat is also part of my punishment uniform. I’ve had a life long fascination with rubber and pvc wear and the raincoat has always been part of my uniform since we played CP games. The raincoat is one tiny pleasure in this painful procedure because once that is buttoned and belted and the skirt is straightened, I know it’s time to go downstairs to present the canes to Mistress. The raincoat is all a bit superfluous really. I only wear it briefly while being lectured for my faults and then comes the instruction: ‘Get your raincoat off and bend over the bench.’ I suppose it's all part of the humility. I mean, no matter how good it feels to wear, I'm also well aware how incongorous it must look for a middle-ages man to be dressed in a ladies' shiny pvc coat!

It’s been so long since I’ve been caned hard and I admit I suffered. So much that I was pleading to stop after 12 of the Dragon that has such an intense bite. It’s fortunate I am secured to the bench. I’ve no idea how some of you take a beating without it. I wish I could show the same fortitude and understand how much pleasure so of you must derived by remaining in position for your mistresses without the need for bonds.
I was simply told that no matter how much pleading I did, today I was going to learn just how severe Mistress intended to be with me in future.

After the cane I was released to fetch the bath brush and then had to bend over the end of the settee to take a couple of dozen. To be honest, after the Dragon, the bath brush didn’t seem so intense as it did on Thursday but I got the feeling Mistress was being slightly conservative with her strokes.

She certainly wasn’t with the cane later in the day. Between household chores and cooking Sunday lunch I went over the bench twice more for extended doses of the cane, Mistress finishing with a slowly administered 30 strokes of our thick Dragon, which, if I’m honest, was actually deeply pleasurable –albeit still a big challenge to take without too much fuss.

Overall it was a very intense day. But one of immense satisfaction and, dare I say it, love.
And afterwards mistress admitted she took great please in punishing me because, in her words, ‘it put me back in my place.’

It certainly did. The one thing I noticed was how nervous I was about it before we started. And once it started, my nervousness proved well-founded. But I suppose that’s the point. A few months ago when we played CP games it was literally that, games to look forward to. Now the dynamic has changed and it is something to be apprehensive about.

I won’t say it’s fear as such, because I love and trust my partner, but I think I’m well within my rights to feel uneasy because Mistress has made it plain my pathetic failings are no longer acceptable and aren’t going to be treated lightly from now on. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.


The bath brush v the cane

First of all I have to apologise for not posting recently but there’s been little to say until now. However, this week I was re-acquainted with corporal punishment for the first time since well before Christmas and I’ve obviously got soft, or my bottom has, because I don’t mind admitting it came as a short, sharp shock. Just as nature intended corporal punishment was intended I guess!

It all started last Thursday evening. Mistress and I were sat having a pleasant meal in London at the end of a busy day, on the second of our three-day shopping break in the capital.

“I’m going to beat you tonight,” Mistress suddenly declared, with me nearly choking on my chips and praying no one on the nearby tables heard the declaration. “There’s been times today when you’ve really tried my patience and I want to thrash you.”

Firstly, I wasn’t aware I’d done anything wrong – apart from my usual absent-minded trick of zoning in on shops I had an interest in before asking permission if it was okay to do so. I was attentive in the shops Mistress wanted to be in, opened doors, never questioned Mistress once, always ensure I was on the lower step on elevators, walked one place behind where possible. Not because of our rules, but because I wanted to.

But I wasn’t about to argue with Mistresses decision.

Secondly though, our flr had been on the back burner for some time. It’s not been totally off our schedule.  I like to think I’ve kept up my servitude to an acceptable level, though I’m also honest enough to realise that if Mistress had penned a report on my behaviour since my last punishment session, it would read suggest plenty of room for improvement.

We’ve often discussed our regime but both of us have been pre-occupied with work so it’s been there in the background but maybe not with the intensity we’ve both known.

But I’ve had this feeling for a couple of weeks now that something’s been brewing. Just little ‘tasters’ dropped into conversations about my behaviour had kept me on my toes. But even so, Mistress caught me off guard with her statement.

Suffice to say, we had no implements at hand so Mistress suggest we buy something. Being in the centre of the city meant plenty of options to find the right tool – but it couldn’t be too noisy in the hotel so things like loud-slapping paddles were out of the equation as were swishing canes. I suggested we looked for a ‘loopy’ – a cane bent double and bound at the handle end – that experts reckon is short and swishy enough to cause an intense sting – but maybe not as swishy as a straight or crook-handled cane. Well that was my thinking, from what I’d read rather than any kind of first-hand (first-bottom?) experience.

Suffice to say we went into several of those downbeat ‘porn’ shops that sell horribly produced corporal punishment tools (we found a thin schooling whip where the leather covering had broken at the end revealing bare metal wire!) but couldn’t find what we were looking for and glumly headed back to the hotel. Just before we turned the corner to the hotel was a large chemist store and Mistress had a Eureka moment. ‘Let’s buy a bath brush,’ she said.

I suggested it would be too noisy – like a paddle but she insisted and we found a rather lovely, oak bath brush with a lovely smooth finish – but Mistress insisted and said, quite rightly, I shouldn’t question her.
So when we got back to the room I was ordered to strip and lay face down, across the bed while Mistress sat against the bed head and placed her thighs across my back. And then proceeded to paddle me. It was noisy but she was determined and gave me a couple of dozen full force whacks on my left buttock. Some came in threes, some alone and some with big gaps so I was just lying there enjoying the, soaking up the sensation.

Now I’ve had some pretty intense canings in my past. Mistress canes me hard and before this relationship I received a 36-stroke judicial-type caning at the hands of a professional with a reputation for being one of the hardest caners in the business.

But this bath brush was something else. The sting that builds is indescribable and I just don’t know how all you guys who suffer those intense paddlings, with quick-fire, full force strokes can take that kind of punishment – or am I just a complete wimp?

What’s more, two days later, my bottom cheek still felt sore and bruised – something I never get from the cane. I’ve read about canings that leave you unable to sit down for days but I’ve never had that experience – even with several strokes right on my sweet spot that ladies love to aim for.

Despite the pain, I’ve got to admit it was a lovely feeling to be lying there- trapped by Mistresses delicious thighs. If it hadn’t been for being a hotel and worried about others hearing us, then I’m sure my paddling would have been far worse.

But that wasn’t the end of the issue. Mistress made it quite clear that this was merely a taster and my punishment had barely begun. She told me in no uncertain manner that she would sort me out ‘properly’ on Sunday and that I could be rest assured our flr was back on track and I had best start making more effort to please her.

I’ve no time now to relate the full details. I have to go and fix dinner now. So I’ll catch up later.