Sunday, 16 January 2011

Communication failure

I knew I was in trouble the minute I rang Mistress to ask if she had already bought something to cook for tea, or whether she’d like me to get it on the way home.
I was way earlier than she or I had anticipated and that wasn’t good for me.

I had broken one of our major rules – always keep good communication with Mistress. I’d expected to be very late home after a day on the road so she had already bought her tea and expected me to eat out before coming home later. I hadn’t rung in advance enough to let her know my change of plan.

I was instructed to stop off on the way home and buy food for two and I hadn’t even got in  the door when I was summonsed with the words, ‘strip and get in here, on your knees.’

I did exactly as told and received a strict lecture and then had to go and fetch the cane – and the punishment book.

There were already three outstanding black marks:

1 October 31: Spending most of the evening on the computer and clearly not paying any attention to Mistress

2 November 4: Annoying Mistresses with my overly aggressive driving (which put us and other road users at risk) and then questioning her when she instructed me to take more care

3 November 5: Waking Mistress at 5.15am this morning – when I had to get up - and then questioning her on some minor statement.

I was strapped to the bench and the punishment was swift and painful – Mistresses cane strokes feel like that are getting more and more ferocious. She gave me them in sixes, some with intervals, some with none. I think there were 36 or maybe 42. Then I was released. Mistress asked me how I felt and, as a joke, I said, it was a good job she wasn’t caning in batches of 12 – or even more - because I would have really struggled.

What a stupid thing to say.

One because bratting is something I no longer want to do.

Two, because Mistress is obviously working hard to establish the kind of severity we both think necessary for punishment to have a positive effect on me thinking more about her and my comments showed a total lacking of respect for her feelings or her efforts.

And three because now I know that when Mistress is ready, she’ll call me back to the bench for another dose.

Did I say it deliberately? I don’t think I actually did but, I will admit there is always a wave disappointment when I’m realised from the bench – disappointment that I won’t get any more stinging strokes. Even though only seconds before I would have been praying for it all to end.

Do others get this feeling? It seems like enough is never enough.  Do others deliberately engineer ways to get more beatings? Is this the way of a masochist? And, if so, does it mean that despite my best intentions of wanting to please my Mistress and give her all the love and attention I can muster, the bottom line (pun intended) is that I’m never going to become the perfect submissive?

Hello, this is g’s Mistress. I’ve just read through this latest blog post and had a little chuckle at this last paragraph. I don’t think he’ll ever be a total submissive because I don’t think he wants to become one.

I think he enjoys playing the naughty boy, and like when the cane was used at school (the root of all his fantasies!), he keeps pushing and pushing, testing my patience, until I have to resort to correcting him.

It seems to me that he reaches a point where he feels the need to be punished but isn’t able to come out and ask for me to carry out the task. And instead, he nags away with his annoying little ways until he gets what he’s looking for.

I’m more than happy to punish him – as I see fit, not how he wants it -  but I’ll be really interested to hear if other ladies in FLR’s experience this kind of behaviour from their partners, how they view it and and how they deal with it.

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