Sunday, 16 January 2011

Resuming our FLR

First of all, anyone who read my previous blog ‘Respect For Mistress’ and supported me with lovely comments and informed opinion in the three months it ran, I must sincerely apologise for not keeping it up to date.

For whatever reason, I prefer to call it a fit of anxiety but really it was just gross stupidity, I deleted the blog just before Christmas. Mistress and I had agreed to put our FLR on hold and, under the circumstances I didn’t really see any point at the time of keeping the blog going.

I suppose I felt pressure to blog on a regular basis but I’ve since noticed others got several weeks without blogging so I’m going to adopt a regime of only blogging in future when I think I’ve something really valid to talk over.

We had discussed whether we needed to maintain it and our thoughts were that when we resumed our FLR at a later date, we probably wouldn’t need to discuss our regime with anyone else. How wrong can we have been?

Some six weeks, I’ve really missed the small circle of on-line friends that we were both able to discuss matters in our relationship that we would never discuss face to face with others. I think we’ve both missed the advice and opinion of certain people – and with the situation we’ve been in for the last few weeks we could probably have done with some pointers of how best to get through it.

So I’ve come to realise how stupid and impetuous I was in deleting it. I tried to resurrect the original name today but for some reason wasn’t able to (me not understanding how to probably), hence the blog having a slightly new name.

However, rather than start afresh, I’ve reposted every single post from the original blog – by way of explaining how we got here. The bit that’s missing is why we put our FLR on hold in the first place.

So here’s what happened. Mistress was rather annoyed with my behaviour early one morning and told me to fetch the paddle she had recently started using in earnest for my punishments. I’m a creature of habit and was on my way to the toilet and said, ‘please can we do it later because I really need to use the loo?’ Mistress insisted she wanted to punish me there and then, but I just carried on to the toilet after, if must be said, we’d had a pretty heated exchange.

For the first time ever in our relationship, there was a real air of tension in the house all day but in the evening Mistress told me, in no uncertain terms that my punishment for refusing to respect her authority was that there would be no punishment until at least into the new year. There was no discussion to be had. She had decided.

She knew that despite suffering under her cane and paddle, I also derive excitement and pleasure from the power she has over me and the discipline she invokes, so this was certainly going to be a punishment of sorts.

And that’s the way things have been since – until today. I thoroughly deserved to be treated as Mistress felt because I really should have obeyed her wishes. I have no defence except that I was embarrassed at the thought of having to bend over for punishment when I really was desperate for the loo. As Mistress later said when we finally discussed the issue in detail, if I had not have been able to control my bodily functions during the beating then it would have only have served to intensify my humiliation. I hadn’t thought of it like that at the time! The point was, a quick-fire paddling would have made no difference to my ablutions and I should have acknowledged her authority.

Last night we discussed where we were at and Mistress told me that we are now going to resume our FLR, with a strictly disciplined household but everything, and she means everything, is now going to be on her terms. If I displease I am punished as and when she sees fit.

I’m happy with that. But scared. The longer I’ve been away from corporal punishment, the less I’m inclined to want to feel it again. I’m a life-long enthusiast of the cane, and always dreamed of spending my life with a dominant woman and the thoughts that such a relationship can bring still stirs me, even as I sit typing this. But there’s a great saying among us FLR enthusiasts: ‘Be careful what you wish for!’ When you’ve been caned really hard, you remember just how intense the pain can be and no matter how much of an enthusiast I am, I’m not looking forward to the time when I go back over the bench.

It’s a huge irony of our relationship that it’s Mistress, the lady I thought was such a mild-mannered vanilla character when I first met her, has turned out to be a very dominant personality who has not only embraced my interests but thoroughly enjoys acting upon them.

Aside from my obvious and ongoing pathetic shortcomings in living up to the Mistresses high standards, I really do relish Mistress taking control in the house again. I need her direction - as well as her love.

There’s no doubt our relationship has been suffering as a result of what’s happened over the past few weeks – and I accept responsibility for that. I’d say I’ve kept up doing the chores but little else and it’s almost like we’ve both started to go our separate ways. I’ve not been so attentive to Mistress. And Mistress hasn’t paid the attention to me like she used to. Our love and affection is still strong but I’d used the term ‘drifting’ to describe our relationship over the past few weeks. There’s been no real direction, no thrill.

But I think it’s been god for both of us to experience that. I think it has given mistress an opportunity to really exert the kind of power she never really understood she had. And from my viewpoint I’ve realised that it’s time, not only that I really started buckling down and accepting her total authority, it’s time I started to savour every moment of it. To start understanding how lucky I am.

You could say I’m more than looking forward to Mistress restoring that little frisson in our lives.

Shamed and ashamed

I’m feeling pretty ashamed about my recent behaviour and Mistress insisting on my writing it into our blog last night added to my humiliation.

In my defence, I’m definitely not trying to goad Mistress into caning me. We’ve gone beyond that but I’ll hold my hand up and admit that I am, by nature, a lazy person and it’s why I’m so happy Mistress is making such an effort to cure me of my bad habits.

Of course, I know I have to make a big effort too to make this work and Mistress says she’s going to help me do that this weekend – a weekend she promises that I’m not going to enjoy.

I don’t know what she has in mind but I do know she’s read Serving B’s and At All Times’ comments and posted her own response, hinting at the regime to come. I can only say that whatever I’m instructed to do, rest assured I’ll do without question.

But I’m interested to know, are there others in an flr who struggle to adapt to they lifestyle they have actually asked for? And if so, how did they cope with the change – and how did their mistress deal with it?

Forgetting one’s place

Hi it’s g’s Mistress.

I’ve instructed g to post this.

I’d been away for a couple of days on business and arrived back this evening.  It was good to be home after two very busy days and a lot of travelling. g greeted me at the door and helped carry my bags from the car. So far, so good.

We hugged and kissed and it was lovely to see him, but it soon became clear that time on his own had not been spent well because only a few minutes later he showed complete disrespect.

I called to him from my office and instead of coming to see what I wanted, he shouted to me from the room next door.

I immediately sent him to fetch the cane and gave him a short, sharp reminder of what to expect if he does not improve his attitude.

Things didn’t get much better though. He hadn’t brought the washing in. He’d not loaded up the next batch of washing. He left my case in the hall and I ended up carrying it upstairs to unpack myself. My coat was left on the stairs – and I had to tell him to help me off with my boots. It was all basic things he is expected to do.
So I’ve told him to expect a very strict weekend regime. I’m intent on making him suffer for this relapse. But whether it will ‘cure’ him, I’m not sure.

He says he wants an FLR, that he wants to serve his Mistress and when we’re together for several days at a time he does start to behave how I think he should. But every time we’re apart for a few days it seems like we have to go back to basics again.

Is this just part and parcel of the male psyche? Do other ladies have similar issues to deal with?  I’d welcome any comments or suggestions……

The look says it all

When you have are in trouble does your Mistress have a look that makes your tummy churn but at the same time thrills you to the core?

I know instantly I’m on rocky ground because I get ‘the look.’

It’s a stare she wears with an almost imperceptible smile. Someone who didn’t know her wouldn’t even notice but I can spot those lovely lips just beginning to hint at her normal warm smile. But they don’t at this moment.

There’s no hint of anger, just a look that tells me she’s very, very displeased and she’s letting me know in the most poignant messaging service in her armoury.

She says nothing and no matter how hard I try to brazen it out by staring back, nothing breaks that look and in the end it’s always me attempting to curb the silence – usually with some inane comment, followed by a nervous giggle that makes me feel like some naughty schoolboy.

She waits patiently for the nervous tirade of meaningless chatter until I eventually find myself asking her what you’ve done wrong.

Of course shoe knows I am only too well aware of my errors and her only response to my question is always, one of feigned resignation at my apparent stupidity followed by:  “I really don’t need to explain. You know exactly what you have done wrong.”

The FLR conundrum

We’ve just been away for a really lovely weekend city break. A bit of museum visiting, a bit of retail therapy, mainly geared to the vintage shops we both love.

But all weekend, in fact since last Thursday, there’s been an air of tension because each time I step ever so slightly out of line, I’m sharply reminded that if I really wanted to be in an FLR, then I wouldn’t need to be told things all the time. And the fact that I need reminding warrants black marks.

This change in mood began on Thursday when I stupidly forgot to call Mistress on her mobile, as we had agreed, at 10am. I remembered at 11.00 and was immediately told by a clearly annoyed Mistress I would receive one cane stroke for every minute delay in making the call.

When Mistress came home that night she was clearly not her usual happy, warm personality. In fact she was very snappy and angry with me – about anything.

This continued on Friday night and all through Saturday. She seemed intent on picking up on my every fault – and insisted on little things like I must stand in front of her going down the elevator and behind her going up – so she was always taller than me (I’m actually 8” taller than her). She insisted on me walking just behind here in the crowds because she was fed up with me just taking off into the distance.  She got annoyed when she had to ask for a cup of tea in our hotel room and thought – rightly I’ll admit – I should offer without having to be told.

I kept wondering, is this her playing a game, her actually taking the lead role in the FLR I wanted – or her just fed up and annoyed with this weak male who plays at being submissive? I could live with either of the first two but I was worried she was starting to get fed up with me and my fanciful ideas and it was her way of showing me.

Saturday night when we were cuddled up in bed (she insisted I sleep further down the bed so she could look down on me), I asked why she was so angry with me. ‘I’m not angry,’ she said, ‘I just want to point out what’s expected of you. If I was angry or fed up with our relationship you would soon know,

“You say you want an FLR but I don’t think you’re working hard enough at it. And it’s clear you need guidance so that’s what I’m giving you. If you don’t like it, I’ll stop now but I thought it’s what’s you wanted?’

When I heard that I felt so happy and, with that reassurance, I really enjoyed Sunday – which was in much the same vein as the previous days.

We got home early evening and Mistress insisted on giving me the outstanding 60 strokes of the cane. There’s just the matter of my behaviour over the weekend to discuss.

I’m interested to know, have any others in an FLR gone through this same confusion – not quite knowing which way to take your partner’s reactions of even words?

Am I being tested?

I’m not sure what’s happening with our FLR. Whether I’m being tested to see if I bend to Mistresses will. To see if the regime I actually asked for is actually what I really want. Or whether Mistress has simply taken on board everything we’ve talked over and is taking control of the household in the most dominant way imaginable.

Whatever it is, and I’m really starting to believe it’s the latter, I’m definitely going to have to keep on my best behaviour a bit more if I want to avoid the kind of short sharp shock-style punishment I’ve just had.

I’ve always felt (fantasised?) that punishment should be severe enough to want to avoid in future. Okay, it is partly fantasy but it’s also a driven need within me to suffer – at least a little bit.

We had just had tea and were lounging on the sofa when Mistress casually said, ‘right, go and get changed.’

That, in our house, means upstairs, strip, put on plastic bloomers (or in this case, new rubber ones) and take two canes downstairs to Mistress. The bloomers are always peeled back to reveal my bare bottom by Mistress before punishment – but my penis remains covered by them to stop any accidental dribbles from going on the carpet.

My punishment was 36 strokes (thanks serving B – Mistress read your quip about her having the option to give me more than 24!) but they were delivered in a fast and furious manner, one tap, then thwack, one tap, thwack – for every stroke. I think we did 6, 6, then two 12s – with barely ten seconds between each batch. It hurt like hell.

Afterwards, we kissed. Mistress smiled sweetly and said, ‘what’s the quote about this kind of relationship you said told me about, “be careful for what you wish for…..?”’

Communication failure

I knew I was in trouble the minute I rang Mistress to ask if she had already bought something to cook for tea, or whether she’d like me to get it on the way home.
I was way earlier than she or I had anticipated and that wasn’t good for me.

I had broken one of our major rules – always keep good communication with Mistress. I’d expected to be very late home after a day on the road so she had already bought her tea and expected me to eat out before coming home later. I hadn’t rung in advance enough to let her know my change of plan.

I was instructed to stop off on the way home and buy food for two and I hadn’t even got in  the door when I was summonsed with the words, ‘strip and get in here, on your knees.’

I did exactly as told and received a strict lecture and then had to go and fetch the cane – and the punishment book.

There were already three outstanding black marks:

1 October 31: Spending most of the evening on the computer and clearly not paying any attention to Mistress

2 November 4: Annoying Mistresses with my overly aggressive driving (which put us and other road users at risk) and then questioning her when she instructed me to take more care

3 November 5: Waking Mistress at 5.15am this morning – when I had to get up - and then questioning her on some minor statement.

I was strapped to the bench and the punishment was swift and painful – Mistresses cane strokes feel like that are getting more and more ferocious. She gave me them in sixes, some with intervals, some with none. I think there were 36 or maybe 42. Then I was released. Mistress asked me how I felt and, as a joke, I said, it was a good job she wasn’t caning in batches of 12 – or even more - because I would have really struggled.

What a stupid thing to say.

One because bratting is something I no longer want to do.

Two, because Mistress is obviously working hard to establish the kind of severity we both think necessary for punishment to have a positive effect on me thinking more about her and my comments showed a total lacking of respect for her feelings or her efforts.

And three because now I know that when Mistress is ready, she’ll call me back to the bench for another dose.

Did I say it deliberately? I don’t think I actually did but, I will admit there is always a wave disappointment when I’m realised from the bench – disappointment that I won’t get any more stinging strokes. Even though only seconds before I would have been praying for it all to end.

Do others get this feeling? It seems like enough is never enough.  Do others deliberately engineer ways to get more beatings? Is this the way of a masochist? And, if so, does it mean that despite my best intentions of wanting to please my Mistress and give her all the love and attention I can muster, the bottom line (pun intended) is that I’m never going to become the perfect submissive?

Hello, this is g’s Mistress. I’ve just read through this latest blog post and had a little chuckle at this last paragraph. I don’t think he’ll ever be a total submissive because I don’t think he wants to become one.

I think he enjoys playing the naughty boy, and like when the cane was used at school (the root of all his fantasies!), he keeps pushing and pushing, testing my patience, until I have to resort to correcting him.

It seems to me that he reaches a point where he feels the need to be punished but isn’t able to come out and ask for me to carry out the task. And instead, he nags away with his annoying little ways until he gets what he’s looking for.

I’m more than happy to punish him – as I see fit, not how he wants it -  but I’ll be really interested to hear if other ladies in FLR’s experience this kind of behaviour from their partners, how they view it and and how they deal with it.

Caned for sarcasm

Mistress has just caned me for the second day running. We’d been out all day, having a pleasant time shopping and were just driving home.

We were on a back road about two hours from hoe so neither of us really knew which way to go so I’d asked if Mistress could pop the sat-nav on so I could find the right road but she was on her mobile to her daughter and – not surprisingly, didn’t respond to my request. So, by the time I needed to make a decision whether it was left fork or right fork at the junction, it was too late for the sat nav.

That, I’ll admit, annoyed me and I said something like, ‘oh don’t bother with the sat nav after all.’ But it was said in the most obnoxious sarcastic bent I could manage – much to my chagrin.

I could tell Mistress was seething like never before, though she controlled her anger and simply said, ‘when you get home I want you to go and get the most feared cane we have (the horribly stingy thin Dragon cane) and then I’m going to thrash you.’

True to her words, that’s what she did. It wasn’t a long-drawn out affair. Just a volley of maybe 24 of the hardest cane strokes she could muster.

Afterwards we talked it over and she explained she wanted to give me a short sharp shock to correct my foul mouth. And that I’d better watch my tongue over the next few days because she would not hesitate to give me the same again.

The good thing to come out of this for me was, what had the potential for a long simmering bout of sulky bad feeling on both sides, was dealt with quickly and the air was cleared and we’ve spent the evening laughing and joking as normal. I think that’s the beauty of our relationship…..

New punishment toys

Two new toys we had ordered from Cane-iac arrived this past weekend – left on the doorstep as we were both out when the postman delivered them!

We bought ‘Howler’ and ‘Wicked’ – and both it would seem aptly named.

Howler is a 24” length of silicon cord, half an inch thick and so pliable you could tie it in a knot. It’s a flexible as a whip but Mistress – being used to using rattan canes, crops and thick leather paddles – found it difficult to control. She only ‘played’ with it with a few lashes, but it felt to me like the impact is concentrated in one tiny area – the very end of the cord.

Wicked is a martinet-style whip comprising four strands of quarter-inch stiff rubber/plastic tubing, each 20inches long. The tubes are all pre-curved and the implement packs a really intense sting.

Mistress was eager to try them out so I got a taste of them Sunday evening. She said she isn’t sure about Howler and needs some practice (oh dear…) but likes the control she had with Wicked, and the collection of marks it left after only half a dozen lashes.

The really neat thing was that Cane-iac even sent us a free gift….a short rattan cane – again, exquisitely finished with neoprene-style handle and lacquered finish. It’s a perfect little tool to slip into an overnight bad for those weekends away. And my does it sting!

All three implements are beautifully finished and we’ve been so impressed by Cane-iac’s high quality products and customer service that I’ve already been threatened with more purchases.

Our FLR Review

Mistress sat me down to review our FLR this evening. It’s one month to go in our six month trial but it’s patently obvious that she has already decided that this is no longer a trial. I was planning to write a few notes for our new blog but Mistress dictated notes as we went through the various aspects of our  the ‘FLR Training’ agenda we drew up back in July and instructed me to type them up for her and them post them here this morning.

Hello, I’m g’s Mistress and thought I’d offer my opinions of our FLR review. Back in July – at g’s suggestion – I agreed that instead of playing what amounted to CP games, I would assume control of the household and we would enter into an FLR. This is something g desperately wanted to experience and I’ve gone along with – though it’s been one heck of a learning curve for me.

When we set out I thought ‘if it makes him happy, then I’m happy too’ but I really quite enjoy having a degree of control over him. The most annoying thing when we just played occasional CP scenes was that we’d get everything planned for an evening and then g would find excuses not to bother. I reached a point where I told him either play to the rules you want, or we don’t play at all.

That’s when he came up with the suggestion of a most structured FLR. However, g has continued to be far too controlling, deciding when he wants to act out a submissive role and, if I’m totally honest, I’ve been far too lenient with him, until recently.

We’ve both been under a fair amount of pressure from work and health issues during the past year but now things have calmed down it’s allowing us both much more time to focus and for me to set g a routine. I think having a structure suits him a lot better so he knows exactly where his thoughts should be. So now, instead of coming home from work, having tea and then carrying on with his work, he comes home and focuses solely on our relationship.

g has always been far to lax with money and when we established the new FLR regime in July, it was a agreed that he would ask my permission before buying any luxury goods and he’d also be given a weekly allowance to buy his lunch etc. But, as I’ve just said, that’s still work in progress and I’ve told g that this will be one of our focuses after Christmas. I told him to think of it as his New Year’s resolution!

Back in July we decided that g would address me as Mistress when we are alone in the house and while he does do this, it still tends to be tongue in cheek – for which he gets punished. He’s still not yet at the stage where he comes home from work and immediately switches to a different environment and that’s something I’ve told him he has to change.

g spends a lot of time on the road, away from home and until we started this regime there was a total lack of communication once he left the house until he returned. At least he’s now calling me each day – and the calls give us some quality time, even though we’re sometimes hundreds of miles apart.

The one thing he is going to have to do more of in future is the household chores – and do them without being told. It’s a real bug-bear for me having to point out that he should be getting tea – or the house needs hoovering. We agreed before I’d supply him a daily list of chores, again something he wanted to be responsible for, but while I think he should have the gumption to work out for himself what needs doing, I think I’m going to have to do this for a while.

I thought g should dress as befits someone carry out household duties. Way before we met, he had a rubber/pvc rainwear/clothing fetish so we’ve focussed on that and now has a range of housecoats, aprons and panties, all in pvc or rubber that he wears most evenings. One thing I insist on now is that he always wears a pair of pvc bloomers when he’s at home. I think he enjoys the humiliation factor of being feminised.

We talked about a chastity device this evening. It’s something he’s mentioned before and he’s excited by the fantasy of being locked up but I get more pleasure from him living in fear of not being able to control his orgasms so I’ve told him to put his idea on hold.

One thing we agree in October was that punishment had to become more severe to have any effect. I was getting annoyed with his flippancy which was his way of asking me to beat him. As I said, when I’d tell him to get the cane, he came up with all sorts of excuses not to. That really upset me.  I obviously wasn’t being severe enough so two things changed, I took a much more dominant role and he was no longer allowed to say no. I’ve also increased the severity of his punishment and that has helped reduce his controlling influence – though I’ve warned him, I can still pack a lot more power into my cane strokes if and when I need to.

Overall I think we’ve made steady progress since July and some big strides from October. There are obviously still a lot of things to discuss and develop but I think g is beginning to understand that he’s no longer going to be allowed to do what he wants, when he wants. I’m not saying I’m going to make his life hell, we’re in a loving relationship and both of us only want happiness for each other. But he has to remember that my needs come first and the relevant punishment will be administered if he fails to please me. After all, I’m only giving him the kind of lifestyle he’s been asking for.

Review Time

We had a quick chat the other night about how our new regime is working out and decided that we need to sit down, like we did when we came up with the new regime, and properly review how things are going and what, if any permanent changes are required.
That discussion is due to take place tomorrow evening.

To backtrack, in July, when we came up with our current regime Mistress laid the ground rules I had to abide by.

It was agreed – at my initial suggestion -  that she would put me through a six-month retraining programme starting July 9, in the form of a concentrated, ‘boot camp’ style regime to retrain me to think more about Mistress, pay her a lot more respect and curb my selfish attitude.

The programme was to incorporate the following elements:

  1. Mistress would assume full control of the household.
  2. I would be required to ask permission of Mistress before buying any luxury goods, spending time at the computer on the internet, working at home in the evenings. I was also required to give Mistress access to my bank account so my outgoings could be check to make sure I wasn’t wasting money on needless luxury good.  And I’d also be given a weekly cash allowance in cash for food at my workplace.
  3. I was to use the term ‘Mistress’ as the only form of address in the house - but using the term outside of the house would be at the discretion of Mistress.
  4. Mistress would assign me a list of daily household chores – and I would wear appropriate ‘maid’s-style attire while performing all household duties.
  5. Mistress would also investigate the possibility of putting me into a chastity device to curb my persistent erections.
  6. All punishment would be dealt with in a strict ‘judicial’ manner and there would be absolutely no leniency. Serious faults would be administered, if not on the spot, at the earliest possible convenience. Lesser faults would be recorded and dealt with in a weekly punishment session. I would also be required to maintain a Punishment Book – detailing not just the punishments but also Mistresses comments.

What we found is that, like we’ve read in a lot of blogs written by other couples entering into a real FLR/DD situation, the relationship is affected by outside forces – families and work – and no matter how well you plan or how hard you try, there are periods where the FLR/DD ideals get sidetracked.
Generally our regime is working and both of us feel a much stronger bond.

What’s changed is I’m more considerate towards Mistress and enjoy having to do all the chores, from cooking meals, to cleaning the house etc. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve not become a saint overnight and Mistress has just read my comments and pointed out that I still have many failings, but we both agree there is an even greater closeness between us as a result of our ‘regime’.

Our punishment book seemed to be always full of my failings and punishment was regular until one day in October I made the mistake of joking that I would be scared once mistress started using the cane full force!

I was only half joking. Mistress has always caned hard – and given me a lot of strokes in each session - but somehow it’s always been bearable and nothing to really fear. I felt that kind of took the edge of what we were trying to achieve – and said so.

But things changed dramatically from that fateful comment just over a month ago.  Punishment has become just that and now I’m starting to cringe when I get the command to go and get changed. But what it has also achieved is focus my mind on our relationship more, where in the past I was easily sidetracked into more selfish pastimes…..

So tomorrow will review the past month but also look ahead to see what else needs changing. Only tonight Mistress called me back after I’d got up from the tea table and told me in future, I would have to request permission to leave the table. Only a small thing perhaps, but something else to reinforce the message of who is in charge.

I know there are other areas I’m still failing to live up to, there’s the subject of chastity to be discussed and whether I should have some kind of curfew imposed on me, limiting the amount of time I spend on this computer.

It should be an interesting discussion.

How we got here

I’ve read and enjoyed countless spanking, Femdom, FLR, DD blogs but sitting down to write one is a totally new experience. Where to start?

‘At the beginning’ seemed an obvious and predictable answer and at least it puts everything into some kind of perspective.

I’ve been fascinated by all aspects of corporal punishment since I started at junior school but, from what I remember, all my fantasies had me suffering at the hands of a strong-willed woman.

Sadly it wasn’t until I was nearing my 50th birthday, in a new relationship, that I found someone, not only willing to discuss my interests, but only too happy to indulge them.
I had been married for over 25 years but my wife had no interest in my fetish desires – even though early in our courtship I had laid bare my inner secrets and been told that she didn’t have an issue with them, but didn’t want to indulge them early in our relationship. I much later realised that meant ‘never’…..

So I kept my fantasies to myself right until the last few years of our strange relationship.

With my marriage ended I was free to pursue my interests but walked straight into what I thought was a totally ‘normal’ relationship with a wonderful woman.
I saw her as a pleasant, caring and loving person – albeit with a slightly ‘bossy’ side - but told myself the former three qualities were far more important for any long-term happiness than indulging in my fetish fancies.

She had been through an equally long and unfulfilled relationship where her partner did his best to sap every ounce of her self-confidence. But, worried I might not be able to contain my fantasies in the long-term, and not wishing to play her along after the rough time she had already had, I felt it only fair to reveal all before our relationship became cemented.

Over dinner one night at my flat I stumbled through a tale of my desires of being dominated by a female – being punished by a cane-wielding, rubber-clad, thigh-booted dominatrix. I got a blank look. This lovely lady was so naïve about that ‘darker side’ of relationships that she had no idea that people indulged in such ‘games’ and didn’t even fully understand the sexual overtones of the shiny black boots she liked to wear!

But she was a very theatrical person, loved dressing in outlandish clothes anyway – and to my pleasant surprise, instead of dismissing my fantasies, she embraced them fully and we have built the most fantastic relationship where she has without doubt, the potential to become the dominant person in our partnership. I say potential because it’s still very much a developing relationship but we’re both very aware that I unwittingly unlocked a totally untapped dominant side of her nature.

This blog then, is the story of our long road of discovery in our Female Led Relationship.

As we’ve already discovered it’s no easy path and we quickly realised that living out such a life-style is fraught with issues imposed by family, work and even the FLR regime itself.

Until recently we kept a private journal because Mistress and I were exploring some of my lifelong fantasies and we both felt that by writing our experiences would help us understand more about each other and our developing regime.

But in July our FLR took a new direction. What had become apparent to my Mistress was that I was the one who was ‘playing’ at being in an FLR. I was dipping in and out of my submissive role when it suited me and reverting to my more normal selfish, self-centred persona which, understandably, was not only unacceptable, but very confusing for her having embraced the lifestyle with enthusiasm.

After several intense discussions we came to an understanding whereby I no longer have an option to say no to any of Mistresses demands and I must show her absolute respect at all times. We think that now gives us a strong base for a ‘real’ FLR and Mistress made no bones about any failure to live up to her strict code would be result in severe punishment – the like of which I had never previously experience. And I can vouch that she has already lived up to her words!

In writing this blog, we hope like-minded FLR enthusiasts like yourselves can share our experiences, but more important to us, hopefully enrich our lives with your own experiences and comments.

Hello and welcome to the blog

I’ve often contributed comments to female-led relationship blogs and forums but have now decided, with my Mistresses permission, to write about our own developing relationship. Our hope is that it will be of interest to others out there following a similar lifestyle.

I have had a fascination for corporal punishment since I was at school and from my earliest memories wanted to play a submissive role to a dominant female.
But it’s only in the past six years since meeting my partner that I’ve found someone will to indulge my interests.

When we first met, I introduced the idea of domestic discipline into our relationship and, from knowing nothing of the subject six years ago, my partner has developed from someone prepared to indulge my ‘games’ into a very strict Mistress who enjoys using corporal punishment to keep me in line.

On my side I’ve gone from someone who acted out my punishment fantasies maybe three or four times a year (seeing professional Mistresses prior to this relationship) to someone enjoying a loving relationship where I am expected to live up to the rules of the house and pander to my Mistresses demands.

Until recently we didn’t live a complete FLR lifestyle because there were times when I’d not play to her rules, for reasons even I can’t explain. I also found it hard to ask to be punished - because I found it slightly embarrassing, and – worse still - when mistress took the lead, I’d even refuse, and come up with any kind of excuse to avoid the very thing I craved.

I tried bratting but this just annoyed Mistress who was more interested in my obedience, using discipline to correct faults and keep me on the path she wanted me to follow which is basically to respect her at all times: this is, to always consider her feelings and demands first – not always easy for someone who is a naturally selfish male.

My lack of willingness to buckle down was having an adverse effect on our relationship but after talking things over several intense discussions we came to a point to where now I am no longer allowed to say no and must abide by Mistresses rules.

Punishment now comes either from Mistress deciding I broke her rules and need to be punished, or me feeling I have done something that warrants punishment and requesting it.

The interesting development is that my punishments have taken on a new level of severity that we both feel is necessary to work as a means of correcting my errors and now we both finally feel we are on the road to a ‘real’ FLR.

It is still not easy, balancing our FLR with normal everyday life situations such as work and family, but our perseverance is paying off and we are both enjoying a relationship that seems to grow stronger every day.

(Note: most of this first blog entry was originally written in response to a rather excellent post on Scally’s The Good-DD Life blog and encouraged me to start my own blog that might allow Mistress and I to expand on our own thoughts.