First of all, anyone who read my previous blog ‘Respect For Mistress’ and supported me with lovely comments and informed opinion in the three months it ran, I must sincerely apologise for not keeping it up to date.
For whatever reason, I prefer to call it a fit of anxiety but really it was just gross stupidity, I deleted the blog just before Christmas. Mistress and I had agreed to put our FLR on hold and, under the circumstances I didn’t really see any point at the time of keeping the blog going.
I suppose I felt pressure to blog on a regular basis but I’ve since noticed others got several weeks without blogging so I’m going to adopt a regime of only blogging in future when I think I’ve something really valid to talk over.
We had discussed whether we needed to maintain it and our thoughts were that when we resumed our FLR at a later date, we probably wouldn’t need to discuss our regime with anyone else. How wrong can we have been?
Some six weeks, I’ve really missed the small circle of on-line friends that we were both able to discuss matters in our relationship that we would never discuss face to face with others. I think we’ve both missed the advice and opinion of certain people – and with the situation we’ve been in for the last few weeks we could probably have done with some pointers of how best to get through it.
So I’ve come to realise how stupid and impetuous I was in deleting it. I tried to resurrect the original name today but for some reason wasn’t able to (me not understanding how to probably), hence the blog having a slightly new name.
However, rather than start afresh, I’ve reposted every single post from the original blog – by way of explaining how we got here. The bit that’s missing is why we put our FLR on hold in the first place.
So here’s what happened. Mistress was rather annoyed with my behaviour early one morning and told me to fetch the paddle she had recently started using in earnest for my punishments. I’m a creature of habit and was on my way to the toilet and said, ‘please can we do it later because I really need to use the loo?’ Mistress insisted she wanted to punish me there and then, but I just carried on to the toilet after, if must be said, we’d had a pretty heated exchange.
For the first time ever in our relationship, there was a real air of tension in the house all day but in the evening Mistress told me, in no uncertain terms that my punishment for refusing to respect her authority was that there would be no punishment until at least into the new year. There was no discussion to be had. She had decided.
She knew that despite suffering under her cane and paddle, I also derive excitement and pleasure from the power she has over me and the discipline she invokes, so this was certainly going to be a punishment of sorts.
And that’s the way things have been since – until today. I thoroughly deserved to be treated as Mistress felt because I really should have obeyed her wishes. I have no defence except that I was embarrassed at the thought of having to bend over for punishment when I really was desperate for the loo. As Mistress later said when we finally discussed the issue in detail, if I had not have been able to control my bodily functions during the beating then it would have only have served to intensify my humiliation. I hadn’t thought of it like that at the time! The point was, a quick-fire paddling would have made no difference to my ablutions and I should have acknowledged her authority.
Last night we discussed where we were at and Mistress told me that we are now going to resume our FLR, with a strictly disciplined household but everything, and she means everything, is now going to be on her terms. If I displease I am punished as and when she sees fit.
I’m happy with that. But scared. The longer I’ve been away from corporal punishment, the less I’m inclined to want to feel it again. I’m a life-long enthusiast of the cane, and always dreamed of spending my life with a dominant woman and the thoughts that such a relationship can bring still stirs me, even as I sit typing this. But there’s a great saying among us FLR enthusiasts: ‘Be careful what you wish for!’ When you’ve been caned really hard, you remember just how intense the pain can be and no matter how much of an enthusiast I am, I’m not looking forward to the time when I go back over the bench.
It’s a huge irony of our relationship that it’s Mistress, the lady I thought was such a mild-mannered vanilla character when I first met her, has turned out to be a very dominant personality who has not only embraced my interests but thoroughly enjoys acting upon them.
Aside from my obvious and ongoing pathetic shortcomings in living up to the Mistresses high standards, I really do relish Mistress taking control in the house again. I need her direction - as well as her love.
There’s no doubt our relationship has been suffering as a result of what’s happened over the past few weeks – and I accept responsibility for that. I’d say I’ve kept up doing the chores but little else and it’s almost like we’ve both started to go our separate ways. I’ve not been so attentive to Mistress. And Mistress hasn’t paid the attention to me like she used to. Our love and affection is still strong but I’d used the term ‘drifting’ to describe our relationship over the past few weeks. There’s been no real direction, no thrill.
But I think it’s been god for both of us to experience that. I think it has given mistress an opportunity to really exert the kind of power she never really understood she had. And from my viewpoint I’ve realised that it’s time, not only that I really started buckling down and accepting her total authority, it’s time I started to savour every moment of it. To start understanding how lucky I am.
You could say I’m more than looking forward to Mistress restoring that little frisson in our lives.